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Solicitor's 'styles'

(56 Posts)
LouP19 Sat 17-Nov-12 20:56:51

My H left with no warning on 1st August. Since discovered he'd been having an affair and at that point the OW was 5 months pregnant. Five days after he left I discovered I am too also pregnant. OW does not know I am pregnant and he plans on keeping this a secret as long as he can. His behaviour since he left has been nothing short of cruel and cowardly - no acknowledgement of my pregnancy or the huge amount of distress he has put me under. We had been trying to conceive for 3 years,......

Anyway, his solicitor is sending short, terse letters more or less pressuring me into divorcing him asap on the grounds of his adultery. He wants me to 'go' quietly and quickly. The letters make no reference to my pregnancy or acknowledgement of his abandonment of me.

I'm receiving legal aid. My solicitor's letters are completely different to his. Where his solicitor writes one sided letters, mine will write 3 sides. I feel where one sentence will do, she will write 4. I have subtley changed a couple of her letters and we discussed this with her on Friday. She said she is not prepared to write in the style of his solicitor. As I'm receiving legal aid and she has signed up to some Family Law Ethics (can't remember the specifics) she believes her tone must always be reconcilitary to look like she's trying to resolve the issues rather than create more. She also raised the issue of costs and said it wasn't in my interest to make my situation any more difficult that it is at present.

I'm already in a vulnerable position - low wage earner, pregnant,... my H has shown no compassion, remorse or understanding of what he has done. I feel I need someone who will fight my corner, not someone who's going to write war and peace in response to his solicitor's demands, but who's ultimate aim appears to be to keep costs to a minimum.

Is this common (i.e. a clash in solicitor style?). Shall I trust her that she knows what she's doing?


LouP19 Tue 27-Nov-12 16:12:46

Thank you for your posts and advice. smile

I fully intend to file in the NY (bar any complications with the pregnancy), so at least I get the process well started before my due date. I also want to feel it was ME who divorced him. Having said that, I just don't want to be doing it in the run up to Christmas,.....just feel the last few months have been very difficult and I desperately want a quiet restful holiday period before I have to deal with it all.

As for OW, well, I'm torn between feeling sorry for her and hating her. I suppose that's normal. She clearly didn't get pregnant accidently, but on what information my H was telling her,....... well who knows. And she is going to have to find out the truth sooner rather than later.

olgaga Tue 27-Nov-12 16:30:02

the last few months have been very difficult and I desperately want a quiet restful holiday period before I have to deal with it all

Not much to ask really! Your priority has to be you and your baby.

LouP19 Fri 30-Nov-12 15:07:58

I've now had another 'draft' letter from my solicitor that makes several important omissions and misses some key points that were raised in my email to her (and also in his latest solicitor's letter to me).

My Mum and I are spending hours amending facts in each of these letters from her,........ angry She is not properly reading anything.

Time to start looking around for other solicitors, I am getting so annoyed by all this, it's the last thing I need.

alli1968 Fri 30-Nov-12 15:17:53

Is there a Head of Practice that you could speak to at the same firm. Its always awkward to go over someones head but maybe worth a thought?

am a from the beginning lurker with oodles of respect xx

LouP19 Fri 30-Nov-12 17:07:34

Can I get a free 30 mins elsewhere without my current solicitor being aware of this?

olgaga Fri 30-Nov-12 17:49:17

Yes you can Lou, you can go anywhere you like.

Have you asked around in case any of your friends know of a good family lawyer? If not, you might want to start your search on the Resolution website. There are plenty listed in your locality there who do LA too.

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