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(9 Posts)
pinguthepenguin Tue 16-Oct-12 15:59:41

Ex is taking me to court to change contact from one mid week and a weekend night to all weekend from fri-Monday. They would allow me weekend contact one weekend per term.

How likely is this to happen? I am feeling sick about it all sad
The court application says:
*that I am obstructive,
*tell lies frequently
*leave my dd with other people during my time with her,
*ignore his concerns about her well-being
* take her out of the country without notice or permission
* always frustrate contact or change it without notice
* fail to honour previous agreements.

It then states that the contact order is being made because dd is tired during the week and misses him, therefore every fri-mon would resolve this issues sad

I have this thread elsewhere, but would so appreciate a legal perspective. I can't see how this would work for our child, not to mention how she would see her friends, my family, her current activities sad

Collaborate Tue 16-Oct-12 16:30:27

He won't get every weekend - more likely alternate weekends.

I recently secured for a father (after a contested hearing) alt weekends (friday to Monday) and every wednesday evening overnight. That's 5 nights every 2 weeks. the quality weekend times are shared equally, as are schoold holidays.

IME this kind of arrangement is becoming more the norm.

pinguthepenguin Tue 16-Oct-12 17:14:15

Collaborate - thanks so much. I am worried sick over this sad. The idea of court fills me with horror, I feel really scared about the process. Have visions of ex being able to list all my failings, lie to get what he wants and my being thrown to the wolves in front of a judge.

I wrote on here last week under another username, and you commented on that thread. I basically said that I had raised a safeguarding issue at exp's house. I have never done anything like that before, let him parent how he ways, however, this was something that dd herself approached me about so I quite rightly asked him to deal with it. He refused, saying dd was telling fibs, and that I was stirring trouble. His wife then sent me a very long email attacking my parenting, COMPLETELY overlooking the details of what dd had revealed. I went to a solicitor and he advised me to to send a letter expressing concern at exp's reaction, and that it was basically an inappropiate way to deal with a parental concern

Then....boom! I get a response from him this morn through a solicitor, skimming over the initial concern, except to say that it was merely an allegation on my part and that dd was his primary concern. Attached to the letter is a compeled court applicaiton for fri-mon contact with no weekend contact for me, except one per half term (!)

Attached to the application is a statement basically saying that I am a liar, leave dd with multiple friends and family all the time, change contact arrabgements without notice and refuse him contact at xmas.

My worries are:
1. the original safeguarding issue I raised is now being ignored and the court applicaton is now a smokescreen
1: He will lie the court as he has done in the letter
2. I will not be able to defend the untruths ( I have for example, NEVER once unilaterally changed contact arrangements, or broken an arrangement)
3. He has never asked for xmas ( even turned it down when she was first born) however, she was due to go there this xmas for the first time as agreed by us. Shall I still send her despite contact now going legal?
4. will he get shared residency? how much control will this give him over my life? I fear he will abuse it as he is already very controlling
5. I have offered mediation, and even a defined court order last year, he refused both. He also states in the court application that he doesnt not want mediation with me because I continally do no 'honour' agreements. How will that be recieved by the court?
6. EX is relentlessly critical of my parenting...the contact application even states that dd's tiredness and weight are of grave concern to him and therefore believes that having her every weekend willl 'stabilise her'. Will I get the chance to explain the jusge the effect that this criticism has on me as dd's mother, and likely effect on dd in the future?

Sorry about the lenght of this post, my sol is out of the office today and I feel so worried about it all. Thanks for your help, I really appreciate itsad

avenueone Tue 16-Oct-12 19:21:25

I think at best he will get what collaborate said. Please don't worry about the other things or take it as an opportunity to get definition for what you see as best for the child and if you have a real safeguarding concern you can bring this up - it maybe attack as best form of defence? If he tells too much hearsay he will not get as much as he would like. It is unlikely he will get every weekend - alternates yes which sounds reasonable.
Regarding leaving DD with other people he may ask for first refusal on your weekends which seems fair really, if you are not leaving DD with someone else then that is fine. Maybe get some handover processes in place as part of this so you don't keep having to endure his criticism of you but then you can't to him either.

pinguthepenguin Tue 16-Oct-12 20:11:42

avenue- thanks

I absolutely do not leave dd with other people willy nilly., although the court application reads like I do. Its devesatating to read tbh. He refers to one occasion where dd went to visit my brother for the morning ( dd told him) and another where my cousin looked after her for 2 hours while I was returning from a weekend away. He hassles me constantly about time that dd spends in the company of other people while she is with me, even if these are the parents of her friends and she has gone there to play.
Ironically, exp takes dd from me and sends her to his in laws to be looked after during half terms, he also spends whole half terms working while his dw looks after dd, and dd herself will be upset that exp wasnt there the whole time, He lies and says that he was present. Incidentally, last year he went on holiday and insisted that dd still went to his house for her 2 days of contact. He was abroad at the time. I tried to ask him to rearrange instead but he went crazy, saying that she had the right to spend time with his dw and half sister. I let her go because I just cant face the arguments. There is clearly one rule for me.

avenueone Tue 16-Oct-12 21:17:12

Maybe you should try for first refusal for his contact then - although it is nice if DD spends some time with extended family on both sides.
I bet it is very upsetting but stay strong it will turn out ok - he will not get every weekend I am sure. When is the court date?

pinguthepenguin Tue 16-Oct-12 21:22:39

I don't know when the court date is....I literally only got his letter today along with a completed application which his sol says he has submitted to the court. I don't know if to respond to the letter offering mediation once again, or to let him take me to court. I simply cant understand how he thinks bulldozing is way into courtroom without ever trying to discuss any of this with me is a good idea.

He has never expressed an interest in having dd for more than two nights, let alone all weekend. He has turned down mediation before, how will it look that he is not willing?

avenueone Tue 16-Oct-12 21:45:36

umm seems strange to send you that then. Hold tight and see how it pans out. His sol. should be suggesting mediation to you, if they state they already don't want it, it puts you in a strong position. I would do nothing at this stage esp. worry. It will prob end up working out better for you. Don't let him frighten you, you have done nothing wrong. Go and have a nice bath, read a book, take your mind of it.

pinguthepenguin Tue 16-Oct-12 21:47:57

thanks avenue, wish I could relax......[sad[

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