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John and ex-wife

(22 Posts)
NagaViper Thu 11-Oct-12 13:10:14

Hi again. I posted earlier but have come back as another life lol Hopefully the kind people who replied to my thread earlier will still remember me. I have also added a few bits in regard to the replies I read. Better get the kettle on. lol

John and I dated in 1969. I was 16 he was 19. We parted when he joined the forces. We met again on line by chance in 2010, but remained platonic friends as John was happily married to Dawn. I was living 500 miles away so we only chatted on line or by phone. By this time, John is 61 and Dawn is 37. They have a son, aged 12. He then found out that she had been having an affair for three years, (I forgot to add she had affairs thoughout the marriage) and she eventually left the marital home to live with her boyfriend, whom she is still with. John was given full custody of their son. They finally divorced in Sept 2010. A year later, we finally met and we are now together as partners. Their son and I get on very well and I obviously contribute to the upkeep of the flat and food for the three of us.

Dawn lives 700 yards away, and sees their son about once a week. She has never, ever paid maintenance or given any money for the upkeep of their son. John is semi-retired and lives in council accommodation, with tax credits making up his meagre income. John has never ever stopped her from seeing him, in fact he has encouraged it, but her partner does not like their son and refuses to have him in his house. Sadly she seems to favour his decisions.

Since I moved here, things have gone from bad to bloody awful. We had to take a restraining order out on her as she attacked John and myself, both verbally and physically. She would stand out in the road blaring her car horn and shouting abuse. We could take no more. She then took John to court twice, through her solicitor, for more access to their son and the judge threw the case out when he finally found out the truth. They both went to mediation, where the mediator told her there was nothing they could do as John had done everything by the books. John has never asked her for maintenance and never will, it's his choice, as he want's nothing more to do with her and would rather raise their son on his own. The only thing that connects the two of them is their son.

Three months ago she went to a 2nd solicitor wanting part of John's local Gov pension, of which she is entitled to six years of. (this has been verified by her solicitor - he sent us a letter stating this but we already knew what she was entitled to - they married in 93 and he left the job in 96), but she cannot claim it until he is 65. She is not entitled to his military pension as it was accrued years before they met and it forms part of his monthly income. This has also been verified by her solicitor.

The last letter we received from her solicitor states that because of the two year wait until he is 65, she now says she doesn't want any of his pension, as long as John doesn't chase her for maintenance, she is willing to go for a Clean Break Order. BUT!!! She wants a one off payment of £1000 from John to pay for the usage of furniture, pots and pans, bath towels and...TEA TOWELS!!!! which she claims she purchased over the years of their marriage and she left in the flat, as 'I have been using them and am not allowed to'. <big sigh here>. She claims to her solicitor she is in a lot of debt which she accrued during the marriage, birthday/Xmas presents for the child etc. The solicitors letter reads "my client will continue to treat him (son) to occasional days out and occasional items of clothing when she can afford it".

We actually packed all her stuff away when I moved in, as I brought my own down from my house in Devon when it was sold. She wants paying for using the sofa, which their son sits on to watch TV, and a hall mirror as I use it to look in to comb my hair. Seems unreal I know, but John has to reply to her solicitor about this and make a one-off payment, otherwise she threatens to grab his pension if he does not. Can she ask for this money or can John just offer her a token gesture payment - eg £50.00 and give her the stuff back so she can do as she pleases?

I have said that we should pack it all up and let her have it. I have since found out that even if a clean break order is issued, this does not cover further monetary claims for children under 18.

Any comments or suggestions would be much appreciated.

GoSakuramachi Thu 11-Oct-12 13:13:02

Isn't the same as the last thread, only with different names? And still in aibu?

NagaViper Thu 11-Oct-12 13:28:36

I changed names and reposted as advised. What is aibu please?

HecateLarpo Thu 11-Oct-12 13:30:27

Am I Being Unreasonable.

Where people ask if they are being unreasonable about something.

It's one of the gazillion different sections of mumsnet grin

NagaViper Thu 11-Oct-12 13:31:08

Sorry, just realised what aibu is? Should I have posted it elsewhere? I did say I was new to all this so any guidance is fully appreciated. :-)

givemeaclue Thu 11-Oct-12 13:32:11

You need legal advice on this post in legal section

GoSakuramachi Thu 11-Oct-12 13:32:21

you need relationships or legal, I would say. Click on report on your own post and ask for it to be moved.

NagaViper Thu 11-Oct-12 13:33:06

ok thanks

WorraLiberty Thu 11-Oct-12 13:35:15

OP it's up to you...stay here if you want instead of galloping around the topics.

AIBU is the busiest topic and many of the people who post in Relationships and Legal post here anyway.

But if I were your DP, I would definitely take legal advice.

Do you have any free legal advice as part of your home insurance policy or any bank accounts?

bumhead Thu 11-Oct-12 13:40:13

Can I just say what a total mental bitch Dawn sounds?
What kind of 'mother' wants a rebate on Christmas presents they've bought their own child over the years??

Whistlingwaves Thu 11-Oct-12 13:45:12

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MakeItALarge Thu 11-Oct-12 14:50:37

Surely that should have all been sorted out in the divorce? I wouldnt give her a penny, chances are if you give her a payout she would only try and get his pension in a few years anyway.

She sounds awful.

pippala Thu 11-Oct-12 14:56:07

I hope that Dawn isn't her real name as you could find she uses this post against you. As in bad mouthing her on a public forum!

olgaga Thu 11-Oct-12 14:57:25

Surely John is entitled to Legal Aid?

There would have been a financial settlement when they divorced. What does it say?

Anniegetyourgun Thu 11-Oct-12 14:57:26

May I just add a wee word of warning about believing what the other party's solicitor tells you. We had a letter once from a solicitor demanding to know why we were charging rent from someone to live in a property which actually belonged to his client. I rang up and said what are you talking about, it's our house, we own it and live in it, and he said could I send him the deeds to prove it. hmm And he really was a solicitor too, I checked. (I didn't send him the deeds of course, and that was the last we heard of it!)

Also my ex-husband's solicitor wrote all sorts of things about what his client was entitled to, to which my solicitor wrote back saying oh no he isn't. So don't believe it just because someone with some letters after his name says it - get hold of your own legal advice! I'm guessing the ex is entitled to a great deal less than she is claiming.

Hullygully Thu 11-Oct-12 14:57:31

I find Dawn oddly fascinating.

Narked Thu 11-Oct-12 15:02:12

I really don't understand this.

You joined MN to post in huge detail about this woman, including allegations of harassment, using real names. Now you've reposted the whole thing, with just as much detail, using fake names.

People advised you on the other thread to seek legal advice. What do you want?

KatMumsnet (MNHQ) Thu 11-Oct-12 15:42:57

Hi there, we've moved this into Legal Matters. Thanks.

NagaViper Thu 11-Oct-12 15:49:05

Pippala, no Dawn is not her real name.

OFGS. I didnt come on here to have this thrown at me Narked. I made a mistake, asked for the original thread to be deleted which it was. Now I am on legal. They are not allegations. I certainly would NOT allege someone made an attack on me. We have police reports and a non-molestation order on her which has now been extended!!

For those of you who gave advice, I thank you. Narked. You really do sound NARKED. I joined, Im leaving.

MOSagain Thu 11-Oct-12 16:06:01

sounds a bit like a scenario a law student would be given to write an essay on hmm

MOSagain Thu 11-Oct-12 16:20:22

But in case its not, why on earth was the ancillary relief (finances) not dealt with when they divorced over 2 years ago? They should have resolved the finances and if in agreement, lodged a Consent Order at the Court which when approved would have make everything final and no further claims could be made.

Did they not see solicitors regarding the finances?

Narked Sun 14-Oct-12 01:25:59


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