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What are my rights?

(4 Posts)
onceortwice Fri 05-Oct-12 09:21:19

Background: Been with DH since 1999, married since 2007. 2 children now 4 and 3.
Dh has always been a bit controlling - monitors emails, PC usage, texts etc., Has frequently had problems with what I've written here / elsewhere, what I say to friends. Several times, he has made me cut contact with friends and he also made me rehome our dog because he no longer liked the mess.
Yesterday, he accused me of having an affair with a chap who has been working in our house. He called the chaps up and had it 'clarified' that nothing was happening (my word wasn't good enough). He went really quite mental, so much so that I moved both children into one bed and slept with them.

Now he has 'clarification' that nothing is / was / would ever go on, he's calmed down completely and thinks I should 'get over it'.

If we split, what could I expect? My DS (4) has SN so I would want the house + child support and some maintenence. Is that unreasonable?

mrsfuzzy Fri 05-Oct-12 10:07:54

unreasonable???? NO! i've been in this situation with young children and a drunk for a husband who could work but chose not to, he was controlling, accusing etc. over time i became so down at heel, until i comtenplated killing the kids and myself, then something happened and he went to prison for 8 weeks, i
took the chance and with instigation of a friend i contacted a solicitor for advice.my solicitor gave me the strength to break free, i think if you feel at risk of violence etc then call today, as you are married he would have the right to stay in the maritial home until things are finalised but in my experience, my ex got the message and moved out, the letter from my solicitor helped, saying if he laid a finger on me or the kids i would have himremoved by the police and a restaining order set up. as you have children and you are the main carer the courts would most likely let you stay put until a defining event occurs i.e you remarried. c.s.a is there to help you and ALWAYS get them to collect payment, they can attach payment orders to your ex,s wages, benefits etc so you at least get something. maintainance for you depends on how long you,ve been married, living together time doesn't count as there is no such thing as a common law wife [except medival times]. please, please get things moving today, make discreet inquires, you love your children do it for them, better to be apart from a troublesome parent thanliving in an atmosphere of tension, little ears listen and minds think about things, give them the happy childhood and happy mum they deserve. if you can get back to me, i'll give you moral support, YOU CAN MAKE A CHANGE!

STIDW Fri 05-Oct-12 10:28:21

Divorce settlements depend on the overall circumstances and without the specific details nobody can say what the likely outcome will be. The value of any assets (including any pensions) held in joint or sole names minus any liabilities forms the "pot." This is shared according to a checklist of factors in s25 Matrimonial Causes Act 1973. The needs of dependent children under 18 are the priority, in particular for housing.

Check out what state help you will be entitled to. It can take many months or even years to go through the process of divorce and sort out the finances so you need to think about the finances in the interim.

Then a good starting point is to research local property prices and both parties mortgage raising capabilities. If the children are to live with you most of the time you will require more substantial housing than your husband but he also needs a property suitable for the children to stay. When the former matrimonial home is larger than required it may need to be sold to release equity to enable both spouses to rehouse. If the FMH isn't that big it is a question of looking at your mortgage raising capabilities to see if you can afford to take on the mortgage in your own right. IF your income is less than your husband's you won't be able to raise the same amount of mortgage as him and that may well justify sharing the assets in your favour.

The CM Options website has information about voluntary child maintenance agreements and the CSA. There is a calculator for working out what you would get under the CSA rules.

Spouse maintenance depends on the needs of the recipient and the ability to pay of the other spouse.

The comments above are general and it's a good idea to see a family solicitor early on to find out where you stand and what options there are in your particular case even if you then decide to go away and negotiate a settlement yourselves.

STIDW Fri 05-Oct-12 10:37:10

PS I don't entirely agree with mrs fuzzy. The courts will now consider the nature and duration of co-habitation before marriage. When there are children and joint finances it's possible for a period of co-habitation to be added to the length of the marriage and the duration of the relationship to be taken into account.

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