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Out of control Grannie and bitter ex

(6 Posts)
distresseddaughter Wed 03-Oct-12 10:15:13

My mother is a nasty piece of work. She has bullied me from being a teenager and is continuing to do this throughout my adult life. I have a 7 year old daughter and she says things about me in front of her which upsets her. I try to avoid contact with her but the trouble is I ended the relationship with my daughter's dad which he struggled to come to terms with until recently and my mother has taken it upon herself to side with him, inviting him around at every opportunity so they can have discussions about me and my new boyfriend. This has been going on for over 3 years now and things are deteriorating quickly.

I have always been generous with my daughters dad, letting him have access to her every weekend as his job prevents him from seeing her during the week. He has been turning up to my house later and later on a Friday night so I suggested to him that when its so late he should just see her Saturday morning, this didnt go down well and he has threatened legal action against me for joint or even full custody saying that I am a bad mother. He then contacted my mother and I received a string of text messages from her telling me "she will see me in Court" and banning me from my own sisters wedding because she was going to invite my ex and his new girlfriend. There is a number of issues I need advice on....

1. I am happy for my ex to continue seeing my daughter on a weekend as long as its not too late on a Friday night but I want him to stop taking her round to my mother's, is there anything I can do to stop this?

2. My ex has only started mentioning full custody etc since he met his new gf who has 2 kids and is from Denmark, he also has my daughters passport from a recent holiday they went on, can he take her out of the Country without my consent?

Any advice would be much appreciated. Since I left my ex I have had a constant battle with him and my mother getting involved in every part of my personal life. I don't want contact with him other than to discuss my daughter and I want my mother out of mine and my daughters life altogether.

ickywickyyicky Wed 03-Oct-12 10:40:29

Keep records / a diary and be very specific in your text messages to him. Eg "Please pick her up before 7pm as her bedtime is normally at 7.30pm. If you can't pick her up, I'll make sure she is ready for you from 8am onwards in the morning." Be clear, and sound helpful towards him having access and caring towards your daughter's well being - then he is the one who will look silly if he tries to go to court and claim you are a bad mother.

You can get a court order to stop him taking her out of the country without your consent. Someone will be on here soon to explain exactly how. Reality is that if he has the passport, he could take her out ...... and you would have to go to court to get her back :-( So being practical, find an excuse to get her passport back.

Sorry to hear your problems and hope things change soon.

distresseddaughter Wed 03-Oct-12 10:55:14

Thanks....I've been trying to think of a good excuse to get it back but other than booking a holiday I am not sure what else I would need it for??

SoupDragon Wed 03-Oct-12 10:59:07

How about needing it for proof of ID for a bank account?

I don't think you can stop him taking your DD to see whoever he likes on "his" time and, if he has PR, I don't think you can stop him talking her out of the country without a court order.

distresseddaughter Wed 03-Oct-12 11:23:47

Yes thats a good idea!!

I am really concerned that if my daughter continues to have contact with my mother she will end up bitter and twisted like her. She says things like 'your mums a brat' and 'dont be nice to mums bf'

prh47bridge Wed 03-Oct-12 12:57:50

In general you cannot control who your daughter sees whilst she is with him any more than he can control who she sees whilst she is with you. Unless there are child protection concerns it is unlikely the courts would intervene.

In the absence of a Residence Order in his favour he cannot take your daughter out of the country without your consent. If he does he is committing the criminal offence of child abduction. Equally, if he has PR you need his consent before taking your daughter out of the country unless there is a Residence Order in your favour, in which case you can take your daughter out of the country for up to a month without his consent.

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