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Need some sensible advice - child visitation advice.

(8 Posts)
babycc29x Wed 26-Sep-12 10:48:45

Ill try make it as breif as possible.

My child is 2 he sees his dad (NRP) every weekend - when he bothers to show up for him - for a small amount of time this has been going on since my son was 7 months old. NRP gets overnight every 3rd weekend. This is court ordered and what he wanted. Since day 1 ive known its been down to his mother wanting to see my son which i would never dream of stopping. NRP has no interest what so ever in my son. My son screams and crys anytime he has to go with him and i have to allow it so im not breaching the court order. It breaks my heart when i have to force my own child from my arms.

When my son was 11 months NRP stop paying maintence for a year therefore has to pay extra on to maintence every week due to arrears this will be for 52 weeks.

Since this court order has started, he has let my son down on 23 occasions. I lost a great job due to him not showing up for his son. Due to my son being let down so much i can see it does have an effect on him when he doesnt want to go, every saturday he clings to me before he knows its time to see his father.

Anytime me and NRP text turns into an arguement, i have spoke to my solicitor numerous times about it and adviced the same thing - dont retaliate. Now last week i dont know why but something had been racking my brain - he had text me to basically say hes not going to show up for my son when clearly theres ways around not missing contact and he was moaning "I cant afford not to work blah blah blah". It dawned on me because he HAS to pay a huge chunk of his wage to his son - when personally i struggle like everyone else. Also his mother was away on holiday. I spoke to my solicitor last wednesday to update her on the latest events and why he was letting my son down. She basically said what ive thought since day one and even said "i think his solicitor knows hes not interested, thats why he refuses more contact when u offer it and hes letting ur son down so much!"

Excuse this weekend i got...
Him: i got im working to half 6 then it changed to half 7.
Me: When i said pick him up after your work.
Him: No its too late.
Me: I dont mind my son being up an hour later its only one night not everynight, plus i dont want him missing out on time with his father! Pick him up at 9 tomorrow morning.
Him: Im babysitting my neice.
Me: U can look after ur neice but not ur son, bring ur neice with u - it doesnt stop u any other time.
Him: Not got a lift.
Me: Get a train, bus or taxi.
Him: No. Ill have my neice.
Me: Shes capable of walking! Ill put him in his buggy for u.
Him: No.
Me: Since your SO busy ill bring him to you TONIGHT
Him: Its not possible.
Me: why is that?
.... No reply.

Im actually at my wits end to the point i sent a blunt text not arguementative just what ive been thinking since day one "your really not interested in him, why are u putting yourself and ur family through all this stress when you can easily walk away. Your fucking up my sons head with your bullshit, your wasting a hell of a lot of peoples time. If you dont want to see him just put everyone out there misery and say. Then il get my solicitor to stop CSA payments and i will never stop your mum seeing him. If u do want to see him fucking man up, grow a set and be a fucking father! My son deserves better!!"

Im annoyed where i dont know what to do, i really feel sorry for my son. I dont moan when he lets my son down i cant id just be as bad as him. Infact when he lets my son down i always think great, i can do something with my son today than sit in the house waiting on him coming home.

Can someone spare some advice for me? If im doing the right or wrong thing im just so annoyed, confused and everything else

Thanks xx

littlepiggie Wed 26-Sep-12 11:09:16

Think I kind of get whats going on. My exh doesn't see our children, and I'm still fighting to get CSA payments as he keeps quitting jobs, moving etc. I'm of the mind the two issues are totally different, he should pay for his child even if he can't be.bothered to see him, and I don't believe in stopping contact if they don't pay.
When we got divorced I asked that he have supervised contact as he was struggling, either with me, member of my family or a contact center, they were, like your lo crying when he came to pick them up, the courts agreed with me. he has made no effort to see them (i stopped asking him to see them, left him to make the choice) almost 4 years ago. I felt a lot happier once I stopped battling to try and make him be a dad.

avenueone Wed 26-Sep-12 12:42:00

Have you asked your solicitor about taking it back to court for a variation to be made on the contact order?

babycc29x Wed 26-Sep-12 17:05:37

Thanks for the advice! Sorry im a bit dumb what a variation?

The court case is still opened they are trying to close it but i have until december to make up my mind but to be honest id rather get on with my life without a middle man telling me what i can and cant do with my son and trying to force someone to be a dad.

In all honesty id rather his dad would be opened and honest. If he doesnt want to see my son i wouldnt take another penny as long as he stayed out my sons life. But as long as hes in his life hes paying.

NatashaBee Wed 26-Sep-12 17:14:14

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

avenueone Wed 26-Sep-12 17:56:38

a variation is a change to the contact order
agree with natasha

babycc29x Wed 26-Sep-12 19:07:48

Ive actually been contemplating texting her natashabee but i would rather it would be done through solictors.

Ive tried that and he refused everything ive offered ive even been told off my solicitor a judge/court wouldnt reduce contact they would want as much contact as possible to which the nrp can do or willing to do.

solidgoldbrass Wed 26-Sep-12 23:49:23

I think you might do better dealing with his mother even if you do it via the solicitor. ALso, keep a detailed diary of all the times he failed to turn up and keep copies of any emails or letters or texts. Then ignore him. He will have to take you back to court if he wants to try for contact again and you can demonstrate that his intention is to harass you rather than have a relationship with his son and you should be able to get a variation ie that his mother sees DS regularly and he can join them if he wants to.

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