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How to help evicted elderly lodger/carer say goodbye to partner .

(6 Posts)
gingeroots Mon 10-Sep-12 09:27:03

Long story of course and I'm conscious that people will want to hear other side but ...

82 year old man has been living with 96 year old lady for 17 years ,paying rent .
Cares for her ,maintains house ,takes her out ,does shopping .
In last 6 months she has become frailer and confused .

Last week while he was out relatives visited ,took her home with them .
He thought she had wandered off and in searching for her contacted them .

They accuse him of assaulting her ( she has bruised arms ) ,stealing money etc. Won't let him in to see her .
He calls police who believe relatives ,handcuff him and he spends 20 hours in cell .

He has subsequently returned to house ( old lady still with relatives ) under police escort ( restraining order in place ) to take his personal belongings .

He is now staying with a friend .
He is missing his partner ( platonic ) and terrified that she will loose will to live and not be cared for by relatives ( more long story here involving ex drug addicts ,prison ,homeless adult grandaughter and lack of previous caring contact ).
He fears he won't see her again .

We can help with housing advice but how can we help him see his partner ?

mariamma Thu 20-Sep-12 22:56:29

Safeguarding is what should happen. If he calls Age Concern they can help him make sure it's been done properly

gingeroots Wed 26-Sep-12 09:06:37

Old lady taken to hospital last week and died a few days later .

Lodger/carer not informed until this week by duty solicitor .

Apparently it's ok with police for him to attend funeral ,which makes the whole restraining order ( which also prevented any contact with the relatives involved ) a bit of a nonsense.

He's in bits of course .

Presumably he'll hear when he answers bail in a few weeks time whether charges are being brought or whether investigations are on going .

Or maybe they'll arrest him for breaching restraining order when he attends funeral - although duty solicitor has told him ok to go .

He has ( unfounded and dangerous in my belief ) the idea that as he knows he hasn't assaulted anyone that even if it goes to court he'll be fine , " I'll just tell the truth ."
And he doesn't even think he needs a duty solicitor .

gingeroots Wed 26-Sep-12 10:06:40

Feel I do him a disservice describing him as being "in bits " .

He's beside himself ,agitated ,unable to sleep , not eating .
Constantly wondering how she spent her last couple of weeks and few days . Constantly picturing her in a chair ,asking himself "what if " .
Sometimes he even wonders what's going to happen to him now .

I can't believe that the system - police ,whoever granted restraining order - can have in effect judged him ,found him guilty and punished him by putting him in a cell ,making him homeless ,seperating him from someone he clearly loved and preventing him from being there when she died.

Where was the trial ,the evidence ,the hearing of both sides ,the innocence until proved guilty ?
Oh yes ,right ,the restraining order is not meant to be a punishment and " investigations are on going " .

So that's alright then .

gingeroots Wed 26-Sep-12 10:31:40

And to clarify the bruises - they were 4 fingermarks on one arm .

Police asked her who caused them and she happily said him .

He also happily said him and explained how - grabbing her arm to pull her away from a dangerous situation ( I'm not giving more details in case I'm outing him/her ) .

So I guess that's it ...he's admitted to bruising her and no doubt police will get succesful assualt charge confirmed .

CiderwithBuda Wed 26-Sep-12 10:34:41

I have no advice I'm afraid but it all sounds very sad.

Hope he is ok eventually.

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