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What happens after reporting abuse?

(8 Posts)
Mrswhiskerson Sun 26-Aug-12 16:32:19

My ex step dad sexually abused me for years and beat my mum and brother for years to, it has hung over and affected us all and now I am on the verge of reporting him to the police, I am scared but determined and I was wondering if anyone has been through the same and what the process is? It is ten years later btw I feel I finally have the guts to stand up to him and hopefully get justice
There is evidenc he abused his own mum too he had to have supervised visits at her care home, would this be classed as evidence?

RedHelenB Sun 26-Aug-12 17:06:47

Have you talked to your brother about it?

Mrswhiskerson Sun 26-Aug-12 19:22:40

Yes he is behind me all the way and is wondering if he can take action too, even now I can still see signs of what he has gone through. Nervous tics etc im just really nervous about the whole thing, I know it's my word against his.

Boadiccea Sun 26-Aug-12 21:57:45

I reported a family friend for sexually abusing me for years but only went to the police five years after it ended. It does come down to your word against his, but I have to say the police unit that I've been dealing with (sexual offenses department) have been great and very supportive.

I was very nervous when I went to them, but after they listened and validated me it sort of empowered me and gave me more strength to continue the process. I'm not going to lie though, there are moments when the pressure of it gets really heavy and hard to manage. I suggest you build a good and strong support network of people and family who can help you along and be there throughout. You will need it.

Mrswhiskerson Mon 27-Aug-12 00:05:19

I really admire you for doing that , I know how hard it must have been for you and I hope you get the justice you deserve ,
I am very nervous but I know the type of man he is and I know he would do it again given half the chance.
People have been asking me why now but the mental scars he inflicted on us have never really healed I have major trust issues and anxiety disorder and my brother has just managed to kick a alcohol dependency but still has major nervous tics that break my heart to see. I need to stand up to him for all our sakes amd get some closure. I am going for Counselling and getting help with my anxiety .
One big worry is what will his defense lawyer try to use against me amd will it be public? My mum has gone through so much and I do not want to drag it all up for her (she is very supportive but says she can not face him in court if it comes to that and I understand fully) can she do a written statement? because he admitted it to her amd said he knew he would get away with it because most people do.

RedHelenB Mon 27-Aug-12 09:24:10

When did he admit it to her? Recently or at the time? I think if it went to court the defence would need to cross examine your mum so I don't think a written statement would suffice.

Boadiccea Mon 27-Aug-12 10:37:47

I have been through a lot of counselling myself, without it I wouldn't have been able to do what I'm doing. The only reason I went to report it is to prevent him from doing it to others, over the years he convinced me it was only me. I later found out it was several other girls (a typical abuser trait) no one else was willing to come forward.
I'm not out for revenge, merely because I know he hasn't gotten any help (I know there is no cure for such behaviours, but therapies can help manage them) and am worried for his daughters and other young girls.
His defense will pull you and your life apart, in these cases there is no concrete evidence, so they will do everything they can to discredit you as a witness. They have dissected my education, medical history, social media accounts, friends, and it's not yet at trial. Prepare yourself for the worst so you can deal with that and anything else will be 'easy' in comparison.
They will take statements from everyone you mention in your statement, all those statements will be given to both the prosecutors and defense lawyers. They decide their course of action - as in what they are going to argue in court and will choose whatever statements/people they want on the stand. If your mother's statement contains a confessions without doubt she will be put on the stand and it won't be easy.

Bpd68 Fri 23-Dec-16 17:33:30

Hi . I was abused mentally and physically by my parents but my step father sexually abused me when I was 14 . I'm scared to go to the police as I tried to tell people when I was 18 including my mum what he had done but no one believed me except for a few friends . I would like to put this behind me. Is this the wrong way to go about it ?

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