Advice from someone in the know would be great :)

[smiler01]

My Partner is representing himself and so really was looking for someones honest opinion please

Thre is a lot of history, most of which would bore you to tears! However i guess it would help to explain that his ex is very clever at manipulating the system to get what she wants, has done many times. she is arrested from time to time for violence and just abuses people over facebook, the amount of nasty messages ive had or my family from her and her sister. The most recent arrest at end of last year resulted in a child protection meeting, considering putting the children on the at risk register, this arrest had nothing to do with my partner. Her sister also tries intimidating by following me in my car sitting really close flashing her lights etc.

10 weeks ago they had mediation judge ordered a witness statement and her legal aid to pay for hair strand tests and them to start application to contact centre as been few months since partner seen the kids. They didnt do anything untill literally the day before court. the witness statement was full of false information and this information was really bad and could of had an impact on the contact my partner got so we provided a response attaching evidence. it wasnt tit for tat and making allegations about her just correcting her lies. (his witness statement was all based on the children and didnt really go in to details of their history and slating her) Her solicitor wrote to the court to apologise for the delay insisting that this wasnt intentional to delay contact and her client wishes for my partner to see the children. although we all know she thought no contact would happen till test and contact centre place ready and they quoted it could take 10 weeks.

The judge wasnt interested in her claims and at the first hearing awarded him contact, supervised by someone until the place at contact centre ready and tests done so it could move to him and the kids away from centre. Her sister agreed to do the supervising.

Since court (and this is really the advice i need) that same afternoon both his ex and her sister have been slating us all over facebook, using foul nasty words, referring to my partner as just a sperm doner who aint gonna get anywhere near the kids and making comments about whacking me and doing me in including a whole lot more plus his sister has commented that she might pull out as a third party and there aint nothing anyone can do about it.

Is there anything we can do or should we just forget we've seen it (a number of mutual friends were disgusted when they read it and told us about it) We are aware that we always have to be one step ahead of her with evidence as she will just say and do anything (for example in her statement she lied she gets no financial support but he pays from his wages thru CSA so can prove it but she still lied thinking she would just be believed)

We thought maybe sending a letter to her solicitor politely asking her to remind her client that these sorts of comments are unexceptable and how saddened my partner was to read her reffering to him as a sperm doner etc and maybe remind her why we are at court which is for what is best for the children and put the point accross that the sister is threatening to pull out etc. We wouldnt send to court but if then they mess around with contact like they have last 10 weeks and previously my partner can mention it to the court with the letter at the next hearing???

Or are we just being to sensitive and should just leave it let them get on with their nasty threats and comments and deal with it at court in 3 months? we just know if it was the other way round her solicitor would be sending a letter to us or police at our door!!!

So sorry its long but were really not sure what to do. any honest opinions will be really appreciated thank you!!

Thanks x

[Olympia2012]

I don't understand why your partner agreed to the sister? She us clearly hostile.

[Viperidae]

I have no knowledge or experience of these things other than in my DBs divorce it seemed that a lot of awful behaviour by his ex was "not relevant to the proceedings". Her solicitor will not be interested as he/she is representing her not him.

I would, however take screenshots or printouts of all this nastiness so you have a record and, personally, I would be taking it to the police even if just to log it in case abything escalates.

Hope someone who can help more is along soon.

[smiler01]

Hi Olympia

I agree but he made suggestions and his ex dismissed them as the people he suggested didn't know the children and she couldn't find anyone else.

Thanks viper, yeah I dont for a second think her solicitor will do anything but we were thinking by looking at the bigger picture when back at court if they have messed around with contact my partner can show the court we had evidence this may happen and wrote to her solicitor concerning it. And actually just remembered my partner said when he left court the Judge advised him to contact her solicitor should any issues arrise although I doubt he meant anything like this lol

[KickTheGuru]

Electronic communication and social media is accepted in court. If there are any where she is threatening you directly with violence, I personally would go to the police and get a "restraining" order.

The other thing you could do is block her completely off your Facebook page?

I would get the cops involved though. I had a phone call off a dilly ex once and I went straight to the cops. They were awesome.

Screenshot EVERYTHING she is saying, print it and take it to court. It's all fabulous ammunition that she is giving you. It's all admissible...

[KickTheGuru]

I also wouldn't bother to email her solicitor since he is probably an arsehole.

The good thing about a restraining order is that she can't contact you or him...ever. The kids would get dropped off at a contact centre etc etc.

I wouldn't stand for people saying that kind of stuff on social media. But that's just me. No one would threaten me or my family and get away with it. I fight back - but in a nice and legal way :)

[smiler01]

This is the problem with all the history there is a restraining order in place as she accused him of assault got found not guilty but restraining order in place were working on having it discharged. This is the problem we have with her, only the other week we accidentally walked past her in the town and she went straight to the police lied that he was in breach of it as not allowed within so many yards and she wanted him arrested! Thankful the policeman saw that this wasn't true and when he came to our home he told us that this is what she claimed etc she will try anything!

I too don't want to except what they are saying as it's really bad but I'm conscious of risking the sister pulling out fir definate then he loses out again it's so hard!

At next court hearing will he have the opportunity to talk and discuss all this?
Thank you for all your opinions x

[KickTheGuru]

Spanner in the works

Has she ever tried to contact HIM with the restraining order in place? Has she mentioned him in a comment on FB, has she called or emailed?

Has she antagonised you or tried to rile the situation with you at all since her restraining order against him has been put in place?

[smiler01]

Hiya
Yes she has contacted him as she was allowing him to see kids for a while, contact was thru me and then she tried contacting him directly.

She will always try to use this against him tho but in reality it's her doing the harassing (my partner had to get an harassment warning thru the police due to her constant abusive texts phone calls etc)

We just need to keep one step ahead of her all the time and all he wants Is to see his children

[KickTheGuru]

Ok well what I would do is gather all the proof that she has contacted both you and him against the restraining order. The issue with the restraining order here is that she would have said that he was harassing her and was a threat to her. This is clearly NOT the case since she (while she has given a solicitor the power to represent her) is continuing to harass and contact both you and your DP.

I would ask at the next court hearing that she be given a restraining order and asked to only contact you and him through her solicitor. I would prove as well by either visiting your local doctor that the stress she is placing on you both is contrary to you being able to live your lives and she is threatening you.

Gather everything you possibly can. Go through her emails with a fine tooth comb and point out any inconsistencies. Screenshot all her nastiness on FB. What you are trying to do is discredit her - it doesn't matter who says that the courts won't accept it. Do it anyway. Aside from it being able to help you mentally get your mind off what she is doing to you.

Then, once you have all of that, I would honestly go down to your local police and lay everything on the table. Ask what they suggest since she is contacting him WHILE she has a restraining order against him - which means if he responds, he goes to jail. If he is bad enough for her to have a restraining order against him, she shouldn't be contacting either him OR you at all.

Then you ask them very nicely to either put a restraining order on her contacting either you or him, or suggest to your solicitor (not sure if you have one) that any further contact now needs to go only through the solicitors. If she ignores that, your solicitor can go to court and have it court ordered and if she ignores that, she goes to jail.

[KickTheGuru]

The sad thing here is to get to a point where your DP and his ex have no further contact. The thing to point out is that this is detrimental to your lives and to your right to live a life free of harassment and fear.

This is something that the solicitors should have in place and they should move forward with that as a first course of action.

[smiler01]

Thank you so much for taking the time to reply, I really do appreciate it.

I'm getting on to it as I type! Thank you again x