Separating...advice please?

[bertiebassett]

Can anyone advise me on what to do about this?

DH and I are separating...it's my decision and i believe he may become difficult.

We have been married 1 year but together for 15. We have one DS aged 4. We have a house in joint names worth £230k with a £160k mortgage. £15k loan in my name (that paid for wedding).
When he moved in with me 15 years ago I was renting. Two years I bought a house (deeds and mortgage in my name). I sold that after 2 years and used profit (£45k) as deposit on another house in both our names. Five years later did the same thing (profit/deposit was £45k then too).

My questions are:

1. what are my options regarding staying in the house with DS? H has hinted that he won't move. How would I get him out if he won't go by choice?
   
   
2. does the fact the £45k deposit was mine count for anything if we sell the house and split the profit or if he wants to buy my share of the house?
   
   Anything else I should be thinking of?!
   
   X
   Thanks

[rhondajean]

Oh Bertie I have none of the answers but I wanted to come say sorry you are going through this and give you a hug.

I think that Thr deposit doesn't count but someone will come along who knows for sure.

[olgaga]

You need to see a solicitor. Don't muck about trying to get advice online - you'll be fine, I'm sure.

But get a family law solicitor.

If you can't find a good one through word of mouth try here:
www.resolution.org.uk/

[olgaga]

And read this:

Relationship Breakdown and Divorce ? Advice and Links

General

Read everything you can get your hands on. Get familiar with the language of family law and procedure and try to get an understanding of your rights BEFORE you see a solicitor. Get word of mouth recommendations for family lawyers in your area if possible. If you have children at school, ask mums you are friendly with if they know of anyone who can make a recommendation in your area. These days there are few people who don?t know of anyone who has been through a divorce or separation ? there?s a lot of knowledge and support out there!

If there are children involved, their interests will always come first. It is the children?s right to maintain a meaningful relationship with the non-resident parent (NRP) ? not the other way around. Children are not possessions to be ?fairly? divided between separating parents. Parents have no rights, only responsibilities. A divorce will not be granted where children are involved unless there are agreed arrangements for finance, and care of the children (?Statement of Arrangements for Children?). It is obviously quicker and cheaper if this can be agreed but if there is no agreement, the Court will make an Order (?Residence and Contact? regarding children, ?Financial Order? or ?Ancillary Relief? in the case of Finance),

Many family lawyers will offer the first half hour consultation free. Make use of this. Don?t just stick with the first lawyer you find ? shop around and find someone you feel comfortable with. You may be in for a long haul, so it helps if you can find a solicitor you?re happy with.

If you can?t find any local recommendations, always see a solicitor who specialises in Family Law. You can search by area here:

//www.resolution.org.uk/

Some family law solicitors publish online feedback from clients ? Google solicitors to see if any recommendations or feedback exists.

Mediation

You will be encouraged to attend mediation. If there has been violence or emotional abuse, discuss this with your solicitor first. Always get legal advice, or at the very least make sure you are aware of your legal rights, before you begin mediation.

Married or Living Together?

This is a key question. If you are married, generally speaking you have greater protection when a relationship breaks down.

Legal Issues around marriage/cohabitation and relationship breakdown are explained here:
//www.adviceguide.org.uk/england/relationships_e/relationships_living_together_marriage_and_civil_partnership_e/living_together_and_marriage_legal_differences.htm#Ending_a_relationship

static.advicenow.org.uk/files/benefits-and-livingtogether-2010-11-1161.pdf
DirectGov advice on divorce, separation and relationship breakdown:

//www.direct.gov.uk/en/Governmentcitizensandrights/Divorceseparationandrelationshipbreakdown/index.htm

Legal Rights are further explained here:
//www.rightsofwomen.org.uk/legal.php#children_relationship_breakdown

I found these guides from law firms quite informative and easy to read ? there are others of course:

//www.family-lawfirm.co.uk/uploaded/documents/Surviving-Family-Conflict-and-Divorce---2nd-edition.pdf

//www.terry.co.uk/hindex.html

Finance

Before you see a family law solicitor, get hold of every single piece of financial information you can, and take copies. Wage slips, P60s, tax returns, employment contracts, pensions and other statements ? savings, current account and mortgages, deeds, rental leases, utility bills, council tax bills, credit statements. Are there joint assets such as a home, pensions, savings, shares?

CSA maintenance calculator:

//www.csacalculator.dsdni.gov.uk/calc.asp

Handy tax credits calculator:

taxcredits.hmrc.gov.uk/Qualify/DIQHousehold.aspx

Handy 5 Minute benefit check, tax and housing benefit calculators:

//www.moneysavingexpert.com/family/

Parenting issues:

theparentconnection.org.uk/

Support for women

//www.maypole.org.uk/
//www.womensaid.org.uk/
//www.gingerbread.org.uk/

Housing

england.shelter.org.uk/get_advice/families_and_relationships

(If you are not in England you may need to find the appropriate link on these websites).

[bertiebassett]

rhonda and especially olgaga thank you so much for the support and advice!

I really appreciate it

[Collaborate]

The fact that the first property was bought in your name won't make a difference I'm afraid. The relationship was in full swing by then.

Also 15 years ago was a long time.

You need some proper legal advice really.