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need to know where I stand

(4 Posts)
MrsMooo Wed 28-Sep-11 16:20:26

Seperate in July, exP and I had been quite amicable until he met his new partner, he has now started getting very shitty about stuff from the marital home/the flat itself

When he moved out we informally agreed access/maintence and payment of a large debt (in his name, but money spent on things for us/the home) via email

He paid the deposit on our rented flat and the tenency is in joint names as I can't afford the fees to change it at the moment, and because I'm concerned I won't pass the credit reference and will be made homeless (we're in a joint DMP with payplan for >£32,00, about £2000 in my name rest in his nothing in joint)

He has got very horrid, saying he has no guarentee I won't go to CSA and say he's not paid me anything (he has, has pbank statements and emails agreeing the amounts and terms) which makes me think he is contemplating stopping maintenece as he's complaining he has no money for social activies

He's also started demanding I repay him the deposit money/that he owns the stuff in our flat as the debt/purchases were in his name - I just don't have it and am very worried what I'll do if I do need to get a new place

I know I should possibly/probably see a solicitor but want an idea as to where I stand and I just can't face going to one right now blush and can't afford fees etc, as we're in a DMP but don't think I qualify for legal aid

Can he force me and DS out of the property?

Where do we stand with liablity of the debt and possession of the contents of our home? He is NRP and I have DS 6 nights/7 if that helps

As I have formally in an email admitted liablity for 50% of his credit card debt can he still say he owns the stuff? Also can he have my name added to the debt?

When we were together I paid approx. £200+ pcm more into the account in his name used for housekeeping, if we do formally divvy up the debt can I take this into account??

If I offer to "buy" the furniture/white goods in the flat he will have paid for half of and we again do this via email exchange can he then try and take them at a later date???

Sorry, IMO he's being very petty but I am getting really worried that he can take my home and belongings and I'll be left with nothing, despite contributing far more financially over our marriage...

to try and give as much info as possible, I don't have the email to hand (at work and email on home account) but below is almost word for word what I said:

Dear ExP

As discussed I am happy to agree that you pick DS up Friday and take him to your Mum's and drop him home Saturday when I finish work, and for you to continue to pick him up from nursery weekdays and bring him to my flat

With regard the money, there is no point in you paying me money for me to then pay it back to you to give to payplan, so can we agree that you will continue to pay £55 per week in childcare vouchers and £xx.xx per month as maintence as this covers my proportion of the DMP, based on the £x in my name and 50% of the credit card debt being mine and this arrangement can continue as long as there is an outstanding debt to pay from the period we lived together. I will not ask for any more money in addition to this.

Can you email me back to say you're happy to agree to that?



he replied that he agreed with it all.

prh47bridge Wed 28-Sep-11 17:52:21

You can reassure him that it makes absolutely no difference if you go to the CSA and say he hasn't been paying anything. They do not backdate their assessment. It runs from when the CSA inform him that you have referred the matter to them.

Were you married? That makes a significant difference to how the finances pan out. If you were married the courts will want to see a fair split of the assets. If you were not married the basic principle is that anything that belongs to him is his, anything that belongs to you is yours and anything in joint names will be split between you.

See a solicitor who specialises in family law as soon as possible. I would recommend choosing one who is a member of Resolution -

MrsMooo Wed 28-Sep-11 18:47:33

thank you - yes we are/were married.
We had agreed to wait the two years to get divorced for costs reasons, but I'm not sure that will pan out now - I really want to stay away from court if we can. I'm hoping that this is just a blip and we can go back to amicable terms tbh

prh47bridge Wed 28-Sep-11 19:42:41

He can't force you and your son out of the property. You should sit tight.

As part of the divorce you will both have to make a full financial disclosure. Everything you and he own is regarded as an asset of the marriage and is therefore up for grabs when you sort out the settlement. You need to sort out the whole picture rather than doing it piecemeal by, for example, buying the furniture from him. You need to get the best possible deal for yourself and your son. Concentrate on that and don't be distracted by side issues. You should try to sort out the split between you rather than going to court otherwise a substantial slice of your assets could disappear in legal fees, leaving less to be split between you. Once you have agreed the split it should be formalised in a consent order. That will be drawn up by your solicitors and approved by the courts but you won't have to attend court yourself for that.

You can divorce him (or he can divorce you) on grounds of unreasonable behaviour immediately. There is no reason why it should cost more than waiting two years. Again, provided you both agree, this will go through the courts without either of you having to attend.

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