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I need a divorce and a will, what do I need to consider?

(23 Posts)
FreakoidOrganisoid Wed 14-Sep-11 19:55:11

Will be applying for divorce after 2 years separation.
2 children together, they live with me.
No shared property or assets

I own nothing of any value but am assuming arrangements for the children would need to be covered here?
Would I be able to ensure that exh didn't send the children off to his family in africa or something? And could I ensure that certain people played a part in their upbringing (don't really think exh is a fit parent tbh)

Any advice appreciated, I really don't have a clue.

mumblechum1 Wed 14-Sep-11 22:22:09

I do like logically set out, short questions!


If you are absolutely certain there's nothing worth claiming for (have you thought about claiming against his pension, for example?) then you can download the forms from the court website (court or something like that). You need a petition form and a statement of arrangements for children form. They should be sent to your H before you issue them at court so any disagreements can be ironed out before you start paying out the court fees. You pay £340 when you issue the petition & stmt re children and another £45 when you apply for decree absolute. You can claim this back from him on the petition form and the court will decide whether he should pay part, all or none of it. If you decide not to make any claims against each other you should still sign a consent order to prevent the possibility of either of you claiming in the future, though if there is literally no money to argue about at all you may be disinclined to do so.


You should appoint a Guardian to look after the children if you die before they're 18. Normally that appointment would only kick in if your ex had also died, as the presumption is that the other parent would be best placed to care for the children. If you're not happy for that to happen, you can appoint a guardian and at the same time specify that you do not think it is the children's best interest to live with their father for whatever reason. You could appoint more than one Guardian if you like. It's important that you understand that the appointment is not binding on the court if anyone, your ex included, made an application for a residence order, but it does help. So if you say you appoint person x to be Guardian because your husband is a convicted drug dealer/habitual alcoholic or whatever, the court would have to consider whether person x would be a better and safer bet than the children's father.

You can find a local family law specialist by searching the website I'm a family lawyer but also run my own will writing company. I have an advert over on the Small Business Section of Classified if you're interested. (Marlow Wills)

FreakoidOrganisoid Thu 15-Sep-11 11:49:05

Thank you so much. Sounds like the divorce should be fairly simple then (yay!)

WRT the will I wouldn't stop him having custody BUT would ideally like other people to play a part especially where major decisions are involved. I'm mainly not certain he'd be able to cope with the responsibility of looking after them full time and it does worry me that he'd do as is traditional in his home country and send them back there to be raised by extended family (who the dc don't even know).

If possible i'd just want something in there for him to keep their lives as familiar as possible for them and for my sister and the dc's godmother to be involved in their upbringing. Is that possible? Or is it a case of 'you're dead you don't get a say'?

mumblechum1 Thu 15-Sep-11 12:13:20

Hmm, you'd have to be fairly careful in the wording of the Will, but yes, there's no reason not to state more or less what you've put in your post.

You can appoint guardians who don't have day to day care of the children, but are involved in major decisions.

How old are the children, and what is the home country?

A lot of people get so hung up on the guardianship issue that they end up not making a will at all. My advice is always that it's better to make a will which is the best that can be devised in the circumstances than having nothing in place at all, and also of course it can be reviewed every few years and if circumstances have changed, can then be changed.

FreakoidOrganisoid Thu 15-Sep-11 12:21:07

They are 3 and 5. exh is from Botswana. They don't allow dual citizenship for adults and exh is now a British Citizen. However he was still a Botswana citizen when the dc were born and so they have both until they are 21. So technically would be allowed to reside there without any imigration issues (although they only have British Passports). It's not that it would be a bad place for them to live (as in it's safe, no political unrest etc etc), just that they don't know it at all and barely know that side of the family (last saw gp's when they were 2 and 10months old).

mumofsoontobelawstudent Thu 15-Sep-11 22:08:33

I would highly recommend mumblechum to do your will. She will be doing mine (when I get off my lazy arse and instruct her like I have been meaning to do for about 2 years now!) wink

mumblechum, you really should pop along to the MN xmas meet up, you could take loads of new instructions including mine grin

mumblechum1 Thu 15-Sep-11 23:26:14

Thanks Mumofsoon.

I've never been to a MN Xmas meetup - too shy!!!

That's bollocks actually, I'm not really shy but it would be kind of strange to meet actual, you know, flesh and blood people, and have all my illusions of what they look like shattered! I might go this year though, I've been on MN for 5 years now, it's about time I met some MNers face to face.

WhoresHairKnickers Thu 15-Sep-11 23:32:07

Ha! I was just about to point the OP in your direction mumblechum smile

mumblechum1 Thu 15-Sep-11 23:33:34

Thanks anyway Whoreshairknickers (I don't think I dare ask whether I know you with that username! wink)

WhoresHairKnickers Thu 15-Sep-11 23:38:53

I'm Solo and posted on your ad smile

mumblechum1 Thu 15-Sep-11 23:47:48

smile Thanks!

mumofsoontobelawstudent Fri 16-Sep-11 06:39:39

ooh, hello solo why do we both keep namechanging? I keep thinking of you everytime I look at that blue and white check school dress which I keep meaning to post to you blush

mumblechum I've not been to a xmas meet up either, this will be my first. We can go and be shy together. Have been to a few locall meet ups and although it was a bit odd at first it was really good fun and have met some lovely people.

mumblechum1 Fri 16-Sep-11 07:39:09

I'll get myself over to the meetup thread and sign up!

mumofsoontobelawstudent Fri 16-Sep-11 07:55:57


WhoresHairKnickers Fri 16-Sep-11 10:58:31

That you MOS grin. I've namechanged temporarily because there is another Solo in here...she is an imposter! (hold your curser over my name).

Re the dress, she'll only be able to wear it for another couple of weeks now, then they have to go into winter uniform.

Which Christmas meet up are you going to go to? London? I've always chickened out of going to any of them too!

WhoresHairKnickers Fri 16-Sep-11 10:59:45

Also...^Law student?!^ wey hey!!! well done Dc of MOS. That is great news! smile

mumofsoontobelawstudent Fri 16-Sep-11 12:14:14

therealsolo you've been cloned! shock That is just not on. Shall we see the imposter off?
Dress is age 6 so should do her for next summer if you'd like it? Shame to just give to charity shop, rather give to someone I 'know'.
Yes, Xmas meet up in London on 26th November. You MUST come.

sorry op for constant hijacks but hopefully you are all sorted now grin

WhoresHairKnickers Fri 16-Sep-11 13:18:46

Yes! see her off!! I've got the Paul McKenna lot about to stalk her for me! grin
Perhaps I should change to therealSolo instead...don't see why I should though <I was 'ere first!>

mumofsoontobelawstudent Fri 16-Sep-11 15:32:30

have you PMed her and (politely!) asked her to re-think her name?

vole3 Wed 21-Sep-11 05:59:16

Hye Mumblechum, have you got a website as I need to get my will done?

WhoresHairKnickers Thu 22-Sep-11 18:22:38

Vole3 here

mumblechum1 Thu 22-Sep-11 20:28:23

I sho' do love ya, WhoresHairKnickers.

Your commission is in the post wink

WhoresHairKnickers Thu 22-Sep-11 23:08:01

Hahaha! just thought I'd drop what Volo was looking for onto the page. Twas nothing! <checks post box>

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