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General divorce advice please?

(11 Posts)
Kayano Sun 11-Sep-11 16:44:54

For my best male friend:

His wife cheated on him , kicked him out and moved new fella in.
He wanted a divorce but his solicitor advised to wait for 2 years as is cheaper.
In the mean time she approached a sol and has now asked my friend to agree to a divorce saying she felt neglected etc...

Now, he never neglected her, worshipped her but it was never enough. She has had mental health issues but refuses to take meds.

I say he should divorce her ASAP citing adultery but he wants to know the implications of each. Would she get extra rights and money if he agrees to her demands? Or should he file for divorce first citing the real reason for the split.

I'm scared she will lie about him

oldenoughtowearpurple Sun 11-Sep-11 17:11:57

The grounds of the divorce will have no bearing at all on who gets what. The courts don't care who shagged who or who left the top off the toothpaste.

The financial split will depend on children and length of marriage. The cost of the divorce will depend on who agrees to pay what.

If they have been separated under two years then they need grounds to divorce (I think this is still the case) like adultery or unreasonable behaviour; if they have been separated over two years then they need no other grounds for divorce.

It seems she wants a quick divorce. Is she prepared to pay the costs of divorce if she divorces him for his unreasonable behaviour (which nobody who knows him will believe for one minute)? In which case he would be quids in. Or if he can't bear that, he could divorce her for adultery, but then would have to consider whether she would pay the costs or not.

Harsh though it seems, nobody except him is going to care what the grounds for divorce are. Most people won't even know.

Kayano Sun 11-Sep-11 17:19:05

Everyone knows, massive family, her kicking off all over Facebook, worry for the DSs...

I was worried if she cites UB on his part, he might end up being liable for her legal fees too. We worry she will try and screw him over more. He has all the family debt in his name and is working to pay it all off.

prh47bridge Sun 11-Sep-11 18:35:20

He will not have to pay her legal fees. Going for adultery will simply increase his costs, especially if she disputes it. He should let her divorce him for unreasonable behaviour.

Kayano Sun 11-Sep-11 19:15:20

Can he not divorce her for unreasonable behaviour?! It's a matter of principle for him and the family

mumblechum1 Sun 11-Sep-11 19:35:40

"It's a matter of principle for him and the family"

It's no one else's business, and makes no difference. We make an awful lot of money out of people who argue for The Principal, notwithstanding our advice not to bother arguing about whose fault it was. You don't know what went on behind closed doors, and in most cases, there is fault on both sides.

He should, however, ensure that if he agrees to her petitioning him, that there's an agreement in writing that she won't claim the costs of the divorce against him.

They'll each have to pay their own costs of the financial negotiations, btw.

Kayano Sun 11-Sep-11 20:06:21

But if he petitions her for UB then the outcome/ costs should be the same right? She can't exactly deny adultey as she was caught in bed with the guy. Fair enough family can butt out but she won't sign anything about not sueing him for costs, then it's in his best interest to petition her surely? He doesn't want to be blamed on any paperwork at all as she has cheated twice now and It's not his fault

prh47bridge Sun 11-Sep-11 21:19:48

If he cross petitions her the costs will be higher. The cheapest thing is for him to agree to her petitioning him. If she won't agree not to claim costs and he petitions her the likelihood is that she won't withdraw her petition so there will be higher costs all round.

He wants to be divorced. He should agree to her petition.

sneezecakesmum Sun 11-Sep-11 22:10:34

He should let the dust settle and make his decisions calmly without all this anger and hot air and interference from family. You, despite being a good friend, are just fanning the flames and encouraging all this 'its the principle' talk. At the end of the day its horrendously expensive to divorce. Take the good advice here and just except her petition, hopefully then if she gets what she wants the financial and childrens issues can be much more amicable. Who is at 'fault' in the divorce is really not counted or relevant, either in the divorce or the financial settlement, so frankly not worth the hassle.

Kayano Sun 11-Sep-11 23:21:02

Thats why I'm asking on here, to get general advice. I'm obv not going to fan the flames to him, believe me He is wound up to the hilt anyway. Thanks for the advise all.

mumofsoontobelawstudent Mon 12-Sep-11 07:41:56

agree with Mumblechum about divorce costs. In UB petitions I always put in a request that the Respondent be ordered to pay the Petitioner's costs so if he does agree to her issuing he should try to ensure she does not seek costs.
Have they tried mediation?

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