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Interviewed Under Caution - Bruises on my son

(37 Posts)
lovemysons Sat 27-Aug-11 07:50:37

First please let me make it clear I love my sons and would never harm them or let any harm come to them.

My ex partner took our youngest to the hospital as he had a large bump on his head, I don't know how it happened, he never came over to me crying about it. I noticed it a few minutes prior to my partner arriving. Prior to that we had been in the park.

In hospital they noticed a number of other bruises. I was not able to say when they all happened specifically - he is a little boy who falls over lots and wrestles with his brother etc. So I havent been concerned.

I spoke to the police in hopsital, but they are now not letting me see my sons unless its supervised by my ex-partner or his family. And I have to be interviewed under caution.
I'm very upset and very scrared that things have got this far when I have done nothing wrong, and I'm worried this farce will continue further.
I'm going through a complete nightmare. I can't sleep or function.
I have arranged for a solicitor to meet me at the police station.

Any help/advice? I'm desparate.

Collaborate Sat 27-Aug-11 08:03:41

Be honest with everyone you deal with. Always tell the truth. Follow the advice your solicitor gives you.

worldgonecrazy Sat 27-Aug-11 08:12:20

I would try and find a specialist solicitor, one who has expertise in dealing with this sort of thing. If you google for support groups/false accusation support they may be able to point you in the direction of such a specialist. In something so important so worth seeking the right counsel.

You must be terrified, it's every parent's nightmare.

worldgonecrazy Sat 27-Aug-11 08:16:00

This may help.

madamy Sat 27-Aug-11 08:16:33

If he's still in hospital, don't get angry or confrontational with the staff - they will be strictly following a policy that tries to ensure that those children who do have non-accidental injuries are protected. It might seem terribly unfair, but it's what they have to do.

lovemysons Sat 27-Aug-11 08:32:08

He was kept in hospital for a couple of nights, I stayed with him. They have now let him go home in his Dads care. The Nurses were lovely with us. But the Paeds and Police were not nice at all from the very start.
I have been competely truthful and told them everything I know. Their problem with me is that he was in my care and I cannot say how the bruises happened.

LoveBeingAtHomeOnMyOwn Sat 27-Aug-11 08:34:14

How old is your son?

FellatioNelson Sat 27-Aug-11 08:35:56

Have they found bruising on both your sons or just one? Is it the younger one, and how old are they? Do you have any reason to believe that your XP would want to stitch you up, or is he generally happy with your relationship and the level of contact he has?

FellatioNelson Sat 27-Aug-11 08:36:26

Sorry, I see it is the youngest.

FellatioNelson Sat 27-Aug-11 08:39:09

There are medical reasons that children could bruise very easily. Have you not noticed any on his body recently? Obviously if he is of an age where he bathes and dresses alone then you wouldn't necessarily see them. Is there a chance he could be being pushed around a lot at school and not telling you?

FellatioNelson Sat 27-Aug-11 08:41:25

Do you have a partner now who may have had access to your children without you being there? Sorry to fire questions at you but just trying to think of all the things you shoudl consider. The most important thing is his age, as it depends whether he is able to speak for himself that will affect how difficult this will be for you.

lovemysons Sat 27-Aug-11 09:32:37

My son in question is 3 and a half, the police wanted to speak to him on his own but couldnt as he got too distressed about it.
My eldest is 6, he has one very small bruise on his ankle.

I totally trust my ex partner, he would never stitch me up. He is as upset about this as I am, and has pleaded with them.

He often has bruises on him, and I put that down to him being a boysterous 3 year old, wrestling with his brother etc.

I dont suspect at all he is being pushed around at pre-school.

I have a partner, who I live with. He has very limited access to my sons, as I'm the main carer. I have no reason to suspect him at all. I'm worried he could become an 'easy target'

Thank you for all the interest so far - really appreciate it.

FellatioNelson Sat 27-Aug-11 10:24:05

Have you ever had depression diganosed by your GP? Ever gone to school or GP or HV and admitted you cannot cope? Any history of violence anywhere in the family?Does your DS have any behavioural issues at home or nursery? If not, so much the better. You will have an easier job on your hands.

What was the nature/seriousness of the bruising? Can you think of any other symptoms your son may have had recently that may indicate an illness?

Is your six year old a bit of a bully to him? Maybe more than you realise or want to admit to?

If he has had violent temper tantrums (which at his age would not be unusual) and the bruises are, for example, on his upper arms where you may have gripped or restrained him firmly for his own good, then that would be unfortunate, and awkward, but completely explainable and perhaps justified, depending on severity. I agree you just need to be as open and honest as you can, and get the best legal representation you can from someone experienced in this field.

Your son should be old enough for experts to be able to tell whether he has come to any serious harm at your hands or the hand of another adult, or whether they are just 'normal' boyish bruises. I know it's easier said than done, but try not to panic or over-react. smile

lovemysons Sat 27-Aug-11 11:50:55

I was diagnosed with depression briefly around 12 years ago, 6 years before my eldest arrived.
My youngest has had some separation anxiety issues recently, which I have pro-activley discussed with my Health Vistor recently. I have said things are hard sometimes, but havent said I cannot cope. I have asked her for strategies on how to help my son.
No history of violence anywhere in the family.

No other illnesses that cause the bruises.

Yes my eldest does whack him sometimes when they have little fights, he has been known tohit him with a toy, push him etc. But I wouldnt say he bullies him, just brotherly squabbles.

He has a bump on the back of his head, 4 marks on his ribs at the back, small bruises on his knees, a couple of large ones close to each other on his thigh. The police are most concerned about his head and back.

He can be bit of a drama queen and has temper tantrums where he throws himself on the ground. He is also very physical and throwing himself around the place. I'm sure the marks on his ribs/back are from where he has been picked up and restrained.

Its hard to know what legal representation is the best to get, I have just called a few from the yellow pages that mention Criminal Law. I'm willing to pay for whatever. All the solicitors I have spoken to say they do not need to meet before my interview, but will meet on the day, hear what the police say then speak to me. I'm not sure if thats sufficent or not.

again - thank you

tranquilitygardens Sat 27-Aug-11 11:58:16

Do you get on with your ex at all? if not get a family solicitor involved.

I have EDS (Elhers Dalos Syndrome) it is very underdiagnosed and not well known, have a look at the symtoms as it causes easy brusing, and many parents have been accused falsley of child abuse due to it being undiagnosed according to research I saw when looking up the condition when I was diagnosed.

timetoask Sat 27-Aug-11 12:09:15

I have no experience with this type of issue but I can imagine how desperate you must feel. The only thing I can say is that you have done nothing wrong and therefore have nothing to fear, the truth is on your side.
Be very open with the authorities and comply with whatever they ask.

My son is 4.5 and forever coming back with bruises that I have no idea how happened, I think this is over the top really. Best of luck and say a little prayer ( even if you are not religious)

tranquilitygardens Sat 27-Aug-11 12:20:50

I have experience with family courts due to my exh.

I would actually not be very open anymore with anyone in authority, I was fool enough to be open, I now have issues with trust of people in authoritya after my experience. It is now written in courts documents reports of things I have never done, and the reports of these people is taken as fact, as they have a position, despite many statements from various people you know who are ignored.

Watch out for head masters and teachers as well and chinese wispers between them and who ever is investigating. A friend of my child's had a sibling in a car accident, the head either didn't listen or heard a twisted event and told the school his idea of what went on, it was incorrect on so many counts, it didn't matter to the family legally in that case, as there was no issue there, it had my child's friend in a rage though that it had been told untruthfully. These people will always be believed above you, every time, and no matter how many people who would have been at the acciddent as per the example above, the Head of the school would have been beleived above them as they are a headmaster, if you get my drift!

Anything you say can be twisted and used against you to fit the sinario of the investigator, the investigator will be acting on their hunch and experience, psychological sutidies show that the police etc have no better a hunch than the rest of the public 50/50 of being correct, it is all about their ego, they lull you into false sense of security, tell you they believe you etc, and then do reports behind your back with totally opposite point of view, they will take something you say with many meanings and find the meaning of what you say to fit what sinario they want it to fit.

I agree thatyou should tell the truth though.

ilovemykitchenaid Sat 27-Aug-11 13:13:31

can i ask what prompted your Ex to take your son the the hospital. It must have been a significant injury. If it wasnt why did he feel the need to take such a big step and how did the hospital become aware of the other bruises on your son. Did your ex point them out.

why did your ex not contact you to ask about the bump on the head.

sorry for all the questions but it does appear your ex may have a hidden agenda here

noir Sat 27-Aug-11 13:43:24

Tranquilitygardens, that sounds to me like a unhelpful post and has probably done nothing to allay the OPs concerns.

Firstly this Mum isn't even going through the family courts, you're massively jumping the gun. The OP hasn't even been interviewed yet, let alone charged, let alone get anywhere close to a criminal or family court.

tranquilitygardens Sat 27-Aug-11 13:45:12

Noir, I think it was a very helpfull post, what experiences in life had you had?

ElsieMc Sat 27-Aug-11 13:51:27

Although Tranquillitygarden's post may be somewhat unhelpful at this stage, I think it is just urging caution as it is correct that if matters do proceed further, what you may say in the early stages by way of being helpful and honest may come back to haunt you. This is why earlier advice needs to be heeded that you need immediate legal advice from someone with experience in this field.

I also don't understand why your ex-P did not ask you how the bump happened. However, only you know if he may have a hidden agenda.

The children in my care are regularly covered in bruises which if I was asked, I certainly could not account for and this is every parents' nightmare.

Keep us posted and I wish you the best outcome.

tranquilitygardens Sat 27-Aug-11 14:14:33

Elsie, yes I am urging caution, and to be honnest, I also agree with you that op needs to speak to a solicitor, which she seems to be looking into getting for herself.

I don't think it is ever to early to be made aware of how chinese wispers can effect you even when dealing with people who should not make such human errors they do. knowledge of such things is important.

I also don't think it is too early to be made aware that you are dealing with people who have power and control over you and they have ego's and issues, they are human like the rest of us.

ddrmum Sat 27-Aug-11 14:39:49

Hi there ilovemysons, I have just been through very similar - still ongoing. My exH took my 6yo DS to police claiming that I physically & emotionally abused him. It is all untrue and has been deemed so both by child protection and social services. I was also interviewed under caution for this. My exH has an agenda (extremely unpleasant man) and he has no other way of getting to me other than to use the children. I have been honest & cooperative all the way through this nightmare and finally people are listening to me about considerable concerns I have had about their fathers behaviour for some time. This is so hard, but keep strong as it will be OK. Is your eldest son still with you? I ask because my exH is only interested in our 6yo & SS and police were happy to leave a 2 & 4yo in my care until the 6yo was returned to me. It was quite quick, but immensely painful. If there are any concerns, both DC would have been removed into fathers care. wishing you all the best and make sure you keep positive even in the darkest moments. Sending you big hugs xxxx

lovemysons Sat 27-Aug-11 19:41:40

I still get on with my sons father pretty well, we have made a good job of co-parenting. And if there is one thing we talk about well its the boys. He is as distraught about this as me, and hates the situation. I know I can trust him 100%, he knows the boys need both parents.
There has been no need to get a family solicitor involved, as we have made agreements between us about the care of the boys.

Both our boys have been given to their Father to care for them, I cannot see either of them without him or his family present (they have been very accomodating).

My partner took my son to the hospital as I noticed the bump on his head a few minutes before he arrived to collect them. I said I didnt know how it happened (because I don't), he phoned the Doctor and they advised to take him to A&E. While in A&E he was examined and they noticed the other bruises. They immediatly contacted the Police.

A few people have mentioned about getting a specialist solictor - can anyone clarify what they mean by this please? I have contacted a Criminal Law Solicitor as I this is what the Police said I may need.

I will have a look into Elhers Dalos Syndrome.

Something strange has happened today.......
Yesterday my sons ear was dark purple mottled affect, and where his head meets his ear at the back, his head was very red and raw looking. The Paeds said it was badly bruised. However today I have checked it and the redness has gone so has most of the purple, its virtually back to normal colour, just the skin is rather dry and a little flaky. We took him to the hospital and saw one of the Paeds who saw him yesterday, he was astonished and cannot explain it. This purple mottled effect has come and gone 4 times in the last few months, I took him to the Doctor once who told me it was 'nothing' and made me feel like I was wasting his time. I would obviously like to get to the bottom of whatever the problem is.
The other thing is that the swelling on the back of his head has gone down significantly over night - again I have no idea why.
The lead Paed is going to review this new information - I'm just hoping this has a good outcome.

Please keep the comments, its really helping me.
Best wishes all xx

worldgonecrazy Sat 27-Aug-11 21:30:49

lovemysons a specialist solicitor is one who has experience of dealing with false allegations of abuse. There is an organisation called FASO (link above) who have a lot of experience with all sorts of false allegations, particularly the nastier kind. Hopefully they will be able to point you in the direction of a solicitor who is an expert in dealing with such cases and the family courts, who, if the tabloids are to be believed, are a law unto themselves. In your situation I wouldn't want just a general 'criminal law' solicitor acting for me. There are specialists out there. Give FASO a ring and see if they can help you. Good luck.

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