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No action following untrue allegations - help

(14 Posts)
ddrmum Fri 12-Aug-11 11:48:34

Hello all, i've just experienced the worst 2wks of my life. My exH took our DC and refused to return them or allow contact.When he eventually returned them over a week later, he left the youngest 2 (2& 4yr) and took the eldest to police alleging emotional/physical abuse. All allegations against me were unsubstantiated - I would never hurt anything or anyone. My exh clearly coached my son, and has been for some time (parental alienation etc) but he gets away with doing this - again!! I have experienced 2yrs of constant harrassment, untrue allegations about my abilities to cope etc - all shown to be untrue, yet he continues to abuse the system in this way. Most importantly, he is abusing our children emotionally & it needs to stop. I am so frustrated and would appreciate any pointers from more experienced people. Thank very much.

ddrmum Fri 12-Aug-11 11:51:04

Should also add, that I'm in court on Wed as exh has filed for residency of the eldest child only.
I owuld like the contact order completely revoked, but not sure how that will be viewed - this man is a real danger to my DCs.

GypsyMoth Fri 12-Aug-11 11:53:41

What is the contact order for?

cestlavielife Fri 12-Aug-11 14:49:24

you need some evidence of his abuse of the children. difficult if they v young. if he is indeed real danger you need to stop contact - but you need some evidence and back up eg GP? social worker?

sneezecakesmum Fri 12-Aug-11 18:00:21

sorry to be no help on the legal front, but this cannot be allowed to go on with the DCs. Social services should be informed. If you speak to your health visitor about the alleged abuse (this type of indoctrination of children is mental abuse) she is legally obliged to take it further. Gp also.

edam Fri 12-Aug-11 18:04:35

Do you have a solicitor? Do you have records of him making false allegations and them being shown to be false - SS recording 'no action necessary' or whatever it is they do? If you demonstrate a pattern of behaviour, I think it makes your case much stronger that he is having a very bad effect on your children. But I'm not a lawyer, you need a specialist in family law and, as sneezecake says, some backing from the professionals - health/social services/education.

xyz2011 Fri 12-Aug-11 18:28:27

I had similar allegations made against myself and my Dp earlier this year by exh, i informed the police myself and SS and a solictor and also DS's school, exh was telling my 5 year old son that I wasn't feeding him correctly, not bathing him, my Ds is epileptic, exh also told my childs consultant that he doesnt have epileptic seizures round him, so I am the one causing him to seizure, even though he has repotered having them in school, the list goes on.
As a result of this he threatened my Dp outside our home, accusing him of assaulting my DS, I contacted the police and SS straight away, he puts things into my childs head which are untrue, the SS services logged this and were unhelpful but told me to get an injunction if the threats of violence continued.
You need to be one step ahead of him and I know this sounds blassay( sorry for spelling) you need to inform every authority that deals with your childrens welfare...I also had CAHMS involved as DS became very violent towards myself and his siblings.

In the middle of one of his rants, he was accusing me of this, that and the other, i told him in a calm voice, "Well if you have any concerns for our son, then take it up withh SS" to this day, he never has done.

Its disgusting when children are used as a weapon.

mangobrain Fri 12-Aug-11 18:40:03

OMG! What a nightmare! Your ex sounds horrid...
From experience the family court would want to see evidence of any abuse and if not proven then the court dismisses it. I know as I have been in a court battle for over 3years with my ex over my son. He claimed I was a terrible mother, never fed/ cleaned or anything. He told court I locked my DS in his room and treatened to kill him. All were of course un true and quite serious allegations, but even with all the social services and court officers involved, these allegations were thrown put of court as he couldn't provide evidence. I now have full residence and ex is seeking contact which I'm opposing as DS has told Ss he doesn't want to see him. How old is your oldest? Does you ex had PR? If not I believe he has no leg to stand on. Get yourself a good family solicitor and hopefully all will be well. But be warned these court cases are long and exhausting.....sad

mangobrain Fri 12-Aug-11 18:42:15

Oh may I add that recording phone calls and/or conversations whilst ex is around proved very helpful on my court case grin

ddrmum Sat 13-Aug-11 20:38:06

Hi all, thanks you all for your comments & sorry for not getting back on earlier - had to get away just to clear my head! There is loads of stuff showing that exH has made untrue allegations to SS, police, GP, HV etc. SS are now involved & social worker seems very good so far. I haven't seen my eldest son(6yo) in almost 3wks due to exH behaviour. I've just spent £30K on solicitors to get nowhere and have no money left for this so going it alone sad . I thought I'd have to inform him that his calls were being taped? Any clarification on this would be great. My 2nd DS has started shouting alot and being quite aggressive which is not like him. When asked, he says it's cos he's sad & wants his brother to come home - he's 4yr oldsad. SS are due to do a core assessment on all of the children (2,4 & 6) in the next few weeks when they are home with me. I am hoping that they can get the truth out of DS and some action can be taken to stop this carrying on - police are taking no further action. I'm beside myself that someone can make allegations of this nature (or co-erce a young child) and get away with it. I really don't understand how this can be rightconfused. ExH turned up to collect the younger DC on Fri afternoon and pressed his face right up against the glass in the front door, baged in an aggressive manner and generally tried to intimidate me - so I ignored him and he can't stand it smile a very small victory, but i am really worried about court on wed. If they can't see that he constantly either breaaks or manipulates the court order, they won't do anything about it. He's tried everything else - so scared of what he'll do next.

ddrmum Sat 13-Aug-11 20:39:15

Sorry, should add that exH has PR as children all born after 2003 & he's on their birth certs.

ddrmum Fri 09-Sep-11 19:46:55

Update - hello everyone and sorry for not updating this earlier. The court ordered the immediate return of the children to me and the exH was stopped from taking them out of the country for a pre-arranged holiday. His mother actually video taped me collecting the children!! Sadly, contact continues but as they're back at school it's only every other w-end. Given Social Services concerns over things their father has been saying to them, they are looking to recommend supervised contact, I want contact to stop, but suspect that this is wishful thinking. At last though, I feel like we're on the right path smile
Thank you all for your help and support when I was in a very dark place xxxx

photoretoucher Sat 10-Sep-11 14:18:07

just read this thread.
I'm soooooooooo happy for you. Enjoy them smile

sneezecakesmum Sat 10-Sep-11 21:27:22

Well done you, thank goodness it is working well for you. always always remain calm no matter what the provocation as you did earlier when ex was behaving like a shite idiot

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