13 Year old son has out of the blue decided to stay and live with his dad!!!

[Empres76]

would like some advise since my divorce in 2004, my two boys live with me and have gone to see their dad during holidays and every other weekend.

Last weekend my eldest son who is 13 (very immature for his age) decided that he wanted to stay with his dad to live (according to a phone call i had from his dad), his excuse was his younger brother gets on his nerves (Jack who is 11 has ADHD and Is on the lower end or the Autistic Spectrum), my ex husband is under the impression that Josh at 13 can make up his own mind on where he wants to live.

I have tried to say to Josh that we can talk about things away from his dad as i feel that his dad is pressuring him to say things while he talks to me on his mobile, but the only reply i keep getting from Josh is I don't know or i will think about it. It does'nt seem as though Josh has got his phone with him all the while and that his dad is censuring his calls and text messages, his dad has also changed his password to facebook so that i cant see what he is upto on there. Every time that i speak to my ex about seeing Josh all he says is that you will have to speak to him about it (instead of him been the adult in this situation and trying to encourage him he is leaving it up to Josh to make the decision)

I feel at this stage that as Josh was due to be back with me Friday 5th August that his dad is feeding him with poison against me and that he will say anything to please his dad.


Any advise will be gratefully received

[Collaborate]

Get it into court ASAP. If you are satisfied he really does want to live with his dad there may be little you can do about it, but it sounds fishy to me.

Just don't put him under pressure one way or the other.

See a solicitor.

[STIDW]

I agree with Collaborate, in these circumstances don't put off seeing a solicitor and don't pressurise your son. What you need to get across to your son is that you love him unconditionally and respect his views. Perhaps rather than suggesting meeting to talk about him staying with his Dad you could agree not to talk about it, if Josh doesn't want to, and just say it would be lovely to see him for tea, go to the pictures, park, bowling or whatever interests him and you would take him back afterwards.