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Parental responsibility

(16 Posts)
dancingboro Fri 22-Jul-11 21:02:58

I ended the very short, rocky relationship I had with my sons father before I knew I was pregnant. When I found out and told him, he wanted to get back together. He is unstable - I didnt want to. He said he wasnt interested in being the father and cut me off.

He got in touch just before I had DS saying he wanted to be involved.

He wanted the surname to be his - thats the way its done in his country.

I said no, we arent married or in a relationship. He said if I didnt do exactly as he wants that he would drag me through the courts and said "I can get legal aid, you cant"..

I stood my ground, didnt make the surname his nor put him on the birth certificate.

I have always given him access, but at 3 months it all blew up, because he wanted DS with unsupervised access (to take and show his friends).

There are many reason I did not want this, trust issues, his unstable character and his irresponsibility.

He has said to me that there would be fire at my door, threatened court loads, and all of these cryptic threats, including taking him to his home country.

It all peaked at one point when he said to expect a solicitors letter, which didnt come through.. He then cut off for a bit, then was back visiting when DS was 6 months. DS was really nervous of him as he was very hands on, and was crying.

He has said that he asked his doctor, who apparently told him the only reason a baby that age cries is because its not being fed (making out I am being sly and making DS cry on that visit)

DS is now nearly 8 months and he is going on again about court and wanting to have unsupervised access..

I am giving him 3 hours a week, at my flat.

Can he take me to court for parental responsibility?

I saw citizens advice who said not to worry, that it usually comes with getting access rights in court.. But he is sending me all this stuff saying that legal aid have taken him on, this is his case number etc etc.. I dont know if he is bullshitting (he does a lot of that to try and bully me into things)..

Sorry this is so long!!

Collaborate Fri 22-Jul-11 21:47:25

He might well get parental responsibility, but with his threats towards you you are right to make contact supervised for now.

I wonder though whether you are the right person to supervise it, given that he's threatened you. Couldn't a 3rd person be present as well?

You should report to the police every time he threatens you.

dancingboro Fri 22-Jul-11 21:55:01

The visits always have a third adult present..!

His threats are very cryptic.. He is very careful to not say anything that is an out and out threat..

He has said that DS will be going on an adventure with him whether I like it or not.. And in the past when his mum died, he went to court to get her placed with her uncle (who he says isnt nice to her) rather than the mothers partner.. He told me that if he hadnt got his own way - he would have snatched her and taken her to live with him over here (London)..

I am really worried he will take DS - which is a big factor of me not wanting him to have PR.. Also - the fact that its eating him so much about the name - I feel he just will want to use it to cause trouble.

prh47bridge Fri 22-Jul-11 23:10:49

I am unclear as to why you think he is more likely to take your son if he has PR. It will not give him the right to take your son out of the country, nor will it count for anything in determining residence in this country.

dancingboro Sat 23-Jul-11 09:03:52

PR gives the right to take a child out of the country for up to 4 weeks without consent of anyone else with the childs PR..

prh47bridge Sat 23-Jul-11 09:07:03

No it does not. If you only have PR you need the consent of everyone else with PR to take the child out of the country. You are getting confused with a Residence Order which gives the right to take the child out of the country for up to one month without anyone elses consent.

dancingboro Sat 23-Jul-11 09:19:54

So if he gets PR I need his permission to go on holiday?

prh47bridge Sat 23-Jul-11 09:37:37

If you are taking your son out of the country then yes, you would need his consent. If he refuses you would have to go to court and get a Specific Issue Order. You should not have any problems getting an order for a genuine holiday.

If he tries to dispute residence and you get a Residence Order you would have the right to take your son out of the country for up to one month without needing his consent.

As Collaborate suggests, your ex may well get PR if he applies to the courts. PR is awarded in the vast majority of cases. It is only refused in exceptional circumstances.

dancingboro Sat 23-Jul-11 16:15:06

Thanks for the info..

What sort of exceptional circumstances is it refused in?

prh47bridge Sat 23-Jul-11 17:56:42

If, for example, the father poses a danger to his child it might be denied. But there would need to be real evidence, not just allegations by the mother. Sadly the courts hear far too many cases where mothers make untrue allegations against the father in an attempt to deny them PR and/or contact. I am not, of course, suggesting that you would do such a thing.

dancingboro Mon 25-Jul-11 13:27:36

He smokes cannabis, has dealers to his house to buy from, and sells to his friends. So not the best type of people he is around. But this cant be proven.

My main concern is that if he has PR he can get another passport for my DS as he would then have dual nationality. While only I am on the birth cert, he can only have a British passport.. Which I can hold on to. If he gets a second one that his father could apply for and hold on to - he can then take him (as he has already threatened to do) whenever he chooses.. Which in turn makes me not want to hand him over for unsupervised visits full stop...

prh47bridge Mon 25-Jul-11 14:19:09

Which country are we talking about?

I do not know of any country where your son would be granted nationality on the basis that the father has PR. Unless such a country exists and the father is from that country, giving the father PR will not change the nationality of your son. If he is not dual nationality giving PR to the father will not make him dual nationality.

Even if he does get another passport he will be committing a criminal offence if he takes your son out of the country without your consent. If his country has signed up to the Hague Convention on Child Abduction they have agreed to ensure that children abducted in this way are returned to their home country promptly.

dancingboro Mon 25-Jul-11 14:26:51

His father is from Portugal.

I thought that he can get dual nationality if his father is put on the birth certificate, and with the birth cert his father can apply for a Portuguese passport (the same way I can apply for a British one)..

Collaborate Mon 25-Jul-11 15:25:37

If he takes the child to Portugal there is a robust system in place for the child to be returned quickly.

prh47bridge Mon 25-Jul-11 15:26:57

If he was named on the birth certificate he would have PR but it doesn't work the other way around - getting PR will not result in him being named on the birth certificate.

Portugal is definitely signed up to the Hague Convention.

dancingboro Mon 25-Jul-11 16:07:09

Thanks - that is really reassuring that he wont be on the birth certificate as the passport thing is a huge worry for me.

Thanks for all the info in fact - been really helpful smile

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