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Final Hearing!

(9 Posts)
Stressed74 Sun 17-Jul-11 11:42:25

After getting great advice off many of you regarding contact, have now gone to a final hearing!!!
I have to write a statement but not sure about what! Since it all started my 12 dd has refused to see to spend time with her father, the first court was told that dd was not to be forced into seeing her father but should encourage and promote, which I have done! Friday, ex solicitor waltzed over n said that ex wanted 8 days per month, she was told thats not what dd wants, she then came back again saying it'll have to go to a final hearing as I was not allowing contact! How I didnt strangle her I'll never know...I once again pointed out that in 11 years I have never stopped contact and ex always has extra days whenever he has asked for them! Its not about me, its about my dd not wanting structured contact with her father!!!

Cafcass said that a contact order should be made in respect of ex but overall if a structured order is in place then this will upset and distress dd! Apparently noth the cafcass officer who wrote this and myself have misunderstood this! Even tho i spoke to cafcass officer who explained this part of her report...she says it means that there is no issue with ex having contact with dd, which their isnt!!"

So basically, I'm gonna be shredded by his barrister in September but wanted to know about statement writing as at moment just thinking that writing a few lines saying that its wrong I'm going to ge forced to force my dd to have contact with a man who she hates calling dad!

mumblechum1 Sun 17-Jul-11 12:00:55

Why doesn't she want to see him?

Has she really given him a chance to try to build a relationship with her?

Stressed74 Sun 17-Jul-11 12:32:31

She doesnt want to see him because she is angry with him, he doesnt listen to anything she says and being a strong willed 12 year old its like banging your head against a brick wall! I tried to take her to her dads and she jumped out of car and ran off! I have tried speaking to her but all i get is that shes not going... Even fathers day she was adament she wasnt going to see him and wouldnt even send him a card, after telling her she was out of order and she may regret being so nasty she reluctantly jumped in car came to Tesco and picked a card and a small present, i then drove her tbe 30 mins to her dads so she could give the things, he wasnt there but she got a guilt trip off her 18 year old step brother which wound her up again!
Ex really does not help hinself, dd is supposed to be going for 2 weeks in summer, but is refusing to go, when he asked her if she was going on holiday with them said no to which he told her it was her loss!!! After i calmed her down and suggested she find out where theyre going as she could be missing out on a great holiday,different approach, she called him back and he told her they werent going anywhere!!! These are just a few examples of the situation at present, there are tons more!!!

Stressed74 Sun 17-Jul-11 12:40:35

I have also persuaded daughter to try and talk to dad, first time she called me to pick her up in tears! The second time she went away to her grans with ex and on way back they had huge argument where he threatened to hit her, again in tears she came home! It just seems that i try to smooth things despite my feelings towards him but then he ruins it and blames me! Even have vouce message which he left dd yesterday, saying i'm unreasonable and wasnt prepared to negoiate at court on Friday! I geniunely cannot win!

Collaborate Sun 17-Jul-11 16:44:26

If there is some dispute about what cafcass reccommended then ask the judge ASAP to order the officer to attend the final hearing. What you ought to get across is the damage that forcing her to go will cause your relationship with her.

cestlavielife Sun 17-Jul-11 22:03:16

she dd can also attend court?
have you spoken to dd about telling judge what she thinks? would she be prepared to do this?
judge may ask if she there

LittlePushka Sun 17-Jul-11 22:26:36

Has your DD been seen by cafcass officer? Has she made any statemetn of wishes? I would be pressing cafcass to be organising this if it has been ordered. If it has not then ask cafcass for guidance as to what aspects they cover and get your DD to make one. At 12 the judge will very much consider her point of view because children of this age very often just vote with their feet if they are ordered contact (in amount or type) which they themselves do not want.

Stressed74 Mon 18-Jul-11 21:59:18

I spoke to court clerk about dd coming to court but they said if I wanted to call her as a witness then she would speak to the magistrates cos apparently its unusual, but when she explained about cross examination etc i said i didnt want dd to endure that as it would be unfair and was hoping that dd couldve had a private audience with the judges instead!!! Silly me..

She has seen CAFCASS and in their report they state that there should be a contact order in favour of ex but that any structured contact would cause distress and upset to dd! When I received copy of report i spoke to the officer who explained that the line about contact order is just there as we are disputing that there should be contact, but in her op having the structured one would be more damaging than good! My ex sol has called the CAFCASS officer to attend court in Sept to justify her report, my ex has told dd that I and the CAFCASS officer are confused about what it means, he also told her that he has spoken to a CAFCASS officer, not the same one, who told him different!!!!

DD is very upset that it is now going on for another 2 months, and is still refusing to see him. As normal, its all my fault but this time I have a voicemail that he left DD on her phone stating all this so unsure whether to use it to try and prove how he is trying to manipulate DD???

Stressed74 Mon 18-Jul-11 22:00:30

Sorry that NOT disputing contact!!!! :-)

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