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Access to Mum

(12 Posts)
ChuckButt Sat 16-Jul-11 01:17:09

Hi,

I am almost 20 years old and I'm not 'allowed' to have any contact with my mum because my uncle and auntie who live with her won't allow it. The reason for which, as far as I know, is because I left with no notice when I was 16 (the real reason is because I had enough of looking after my mum who has severe epilepsy and not being allowed to leave the house except for school).

I just want to know is it against the law a) be refused to see my own mum and b) be refused entry to the house where my mum lives (it's a rented council house I think).

Thanks

dizzydel Sat 16-Jul-11 01:29:00

My heart goes out to you darling, you must have had a hard time with your mum growing up. Can your mum express a desire to see you now or won't they allow contact x

You are an adult and your aunt and uncle do not have any legal right to control who you have contact with. However, when you say you are 'refused entry' to your mother's house, do you mean that your mother won't let you in? If so, she has a legal right to refuse to see you.

ChuckButt Sat 16-Jul-11 12:41:26

My mum does not have a say in any of this, it is all down to my auntie and uncle, my mum would open the door to me but i don't think my aunt and uncle would.
It has been 3years surely i have the right to see her.

I've just realised that I misunderstood your post: I thought you were the one living with the aunt and uncle. Now I see what you mean and it is a tricky one. Can you write to your mum, or phone her? It may be that she actually doesn't want to see you, and if so you don't have a right to force her to have contact with you. It's possible that your aunt and uncle are acting on her behalf because she doesn't want to turn you away herself - or they could be protecting her with the best of intentions even though she would prefer to have some contact with you.
As to being refused entry to the house, you hae no right to enter someone's home, council owned or not, if the people who live there do not want to let you in. If you try to force your way in, the police can be called to remove you.

ChuckButt Sat 16-Jul-11 13:35:21

I can't phone her cause they changed the home phone number and my mum does not carry a mobile (because of her epilepsy) and my auntie told the whole family not to tell me their new number, writing to her is impossible too, I don't think my auntie or uncle lets my mum read letters from me (they know my handwriting) and if she does read it I never get one back. sad

If I want to see my grandparents I have to wait until my auntie or uncle leaves because they cause such a dramatic feelings in the house, I get ignored like I don't exist when I attempt to say hello, if I phone my grandparents and my auntie or uncle answers the phone I ask if I can speak to nanny, I get nothing then I hear 'your granddaughter is on the phone'. So it has dropped to the level where they can't even say my name and they don't treat me like I am in the family at all.

My brother has to lie about who he is on the phone to if he is speaking to me, if my aunt asks 'who is on the phone', my brother would say his friend Lewis.

All of this is absolutely ridiculous, I have to go around them where ever i want to go or whoever i want to speak to in the family.

I don't know what to do...

PorkChopSter Sat 16-Jul-11 13:59:28

Why do you think they are acting like this? What has happened in the past?

ChuckButt Sat 16-Jul-11 14:13:24

There is only 2 problems that have happened in the past.
1) I moved out with out any notice
2) My Auntie received very very crude texts from this girl I was living with at the time and posed as me, this girl had my auntie's number because I didn't have a phone at the time so I was using hers.

those are the only reasons and three years later she still holds those grudges, I find it really childish and I am 3 times younger then them. And they are constantly avoiding me which children do, all I want is to sit down and have a conversation as to why they are still acting like this.

Well if you are able to speak to your grandmother and brother I suggest you ask them about getting in touch with your mother. Presumably the aunt and uncle do not prevent contact between your mother and other family members.
However, trying to force your uncle and aunt to have contact with you themselves when they do not want to is a non-starter: no one should be forced to see or speak to a person they dislike and want to avoid.
Do the whole family live in the same house (ie grandmother, mother, uncle and aunt and brother)? If so, and your mother does want to see you, surely your brother and grandmother can arrange this for a time when uncle and aunt are not at home - or indeed they (GM and B) can simply tell U & A that you are coming to visit your mother, and that U&A can stay out of it. While the police can and will remove an unwelcome guest from a home if the guest refuses to leave, they will not do so if only some of the inhabitants want the guest out but other inhabitants want the guest to stay.

ChuckButt Sat 16-Jul-11 14:54:04

No my mum lives with my uncle and auntie, my brother used to live with them but has now moved to live with my grandparents, I have asked my nan to arrange to meet with my mum but I can only see her if she is well which most days she is very unwell (apparently).

Thank you for your help.

RoseWei Sat 16-Jul-11 23:32:26

Are you concerned about your Mum? If you are and you have no way of knowing if she is OK and what her views are about seeing you, you could consider asking the police to call and see her alone.

They would check she's OK and able to make up her own mind about such important, vitally important, issues as contact with her family.

Or do you know who her GP is? He/she won't tell you much, perhaps, but you have a right to tell them your worries.

You're very young. I can totally understand why you would want to see your mum - she's very important to you and I bet you are very important to her.
There must be a solution here - can you work with your brother to find one?
There must be someone, somewhere, who could help you both through this. Talking to the GP/asking the local police for advice/asking about family mediation through the CAB or a local solicitor - just some ideas.

Don't give up.

Yes, what you need is someone to mediate ie someone who is not taking sides. Either your aunt and uncle are dangerous control freaks, or you are someone your mum doesn't want contact with. Us randoms on the internet don't know. Try to explore all your options in the knowledge that your mum might feel that she doesn't want anything to do with you, and if that turns out to be the case you will need toback right off and leave her (and the rest of the family) alone.

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