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can I legally make my son visit

(8 Posts)
alicatmandu Sun 10-Jul-11 08:12:21

My son is 14 and lives with his dad, he won't have anything to do with me as he says 'i threw him out'. Can I legally force access? I feel his dad should encourage him to spend time with his younger siblings and myself, to rebuild relationships rather than just say 'it's his choice'. it's been a year now.

Goblinchild Sun 10-Jul-11 08:25:08

Can you not go and visit him by yourself and try to rebuild a relationship with your son? Or meet in a neutral place?
Do you think trying to force anything on a 14 year old will work, and will be a positive step?

PotteringAlong Sun 10-Jul-11 08:27:56

Firstly I'm sorry you're not seeing your son - it must be horrid fir you.

BUT - even if you could legally force access ( and I don't know the answer to that) I'm not sure how much relationship rebuilding you will do with a 14 year old being forced into something he doesn't want to do?

Could you speak to his dad and find out exactly what's happening? Write your DS a letter explaining how much you love him and would love to see him but leave it there for now?

Goblinchild Sun 10-Jul-11 08:29:39

Did you send him to live with his dad?
Why does he think you threw him out?

exoticfruits Sun 10-Jul-11 08:34:59

Legally forcing access isn't going to achieve anything, except a very angry DS. You need to build the bridges yourself. Why not start by writing to him?

alicatmandu Sun 10-Jul-11 08:42:46

Thanks PotteringAlong for beginning with empathy, it is horrid for me and thanks Goblinchild for the replys. I sent him because I couldn't cope, I had no help or support and was desparate and thought it was time his dad did something, the good outcome is that they now have a relationship.I will send DS another letter and leave it as that is all I can do. I realise he won't like to be forced to see us, I just want him to know that I tried all I could. I may write to his father too, it's complicated, we have history of domestic violence and do not relate well, I need him to realise that my DS needs his mum and he has to try to encourage relationship.

alicatmandu Sun 10-Jul-11 08:52:27

I have written to him, his dads sister does not help she encourages him not to see me, she has 3 kids and she turns them against their dad, last I heard none of them talk to him so I feel he is immpressionable and I can do nothing, he just ignores my letters and tells me not to phone or txt he just says 'you threw your own son out' He seems to be stuck there, I have tried setting up counselling and family therapy but he does not want to go and I feel no-one is guiding him towards reconciliation.If I get my hopes up then they crash I get upset and it effects how I am with the other two kids so I guess I need to back off, try another letter and leave it.

exoticfruits Sun 10-Jul-11 09:09:20

Is there anyone else who can help-grandparents....?

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