Hey all, I have been doing some research and reading online and I thought I would post my background to see if anyone can offer some advice or guidance as well as the articles I have read. Here goes...
I am a serving soldier with a dedicated army house (rental) which I lived in with my wife, daughter (17 months) and dog.
My wife recently had her 12 week scan for our second baby and then declared that week that she hated me and wanted to leave. She phoned her family, they picked her and my daughter up that night (May 22) and they have not returned since. A few quick facts.
Assets
*Wife has not worked in over 2 years including 6 months unemployment benefit
*I am the sole earner (32K annum)
*No savings
*No property
*1 vehicle on HP in my name 50% paid but DVLA registered to her
I contacted her the morning after she left and she confirmed via email that she had legal counsel via legal aid and her family had given her the cash deposit for a new house in their vicinity.
We argued, many horrible words exchanged until I agreed she could take the majority of the furniture from the house.
Possessions
I had to go away for 9 days on a charity trek (raising money for the hospital that operated on my daughter) and in that time she returned to the house and took everything of value however she told the Army she had moved out 3 weeks previous to her return with family members and a van. She told me that her solicitor instructed her it was fine as the possessions were 100% hers and 100% mine so first come first served.
I have returned to an empty shell of a home which requires cleaning and repairing in order to be of a standard suitable for the Army to take it back.
When prompted for communication she tells me constantly to "go through her lawyer" about even the most trivial items.
Children
I used a CSA calculator on the website and offered her the amount they suggested which she has accepted via private arrangement (bank transfer) and I have paid the first month however she has threatened to go to the CSA if it is not paid before the 2nd of every month. I asked for the address where my daughter is staying which she has refused to give. I informed her that I would pay CSA in full but only in cheque (as is my right per the CSA website) sent to her home. She has written back that she will forego the money and go to the CSA direct.
2 weeks ago I was in the area where she stays and asked to see my daughter at 6pm to which she replied it was too disruptive to her routine and refused to allow me to see her.
I told her that seeing her father was more important that "in the night garden" but she persisted and has now claimed that 2 solicitors and a social worker have confirmed that she was right to deny access and I should only see our child at the mandated times she has stipulated in the divorce papers which I have not received yet.
Filing for divorce
My stbx has ordered me to sign the papers and when I refused the sent me an email claiming that her solicitor had told her that bailiffs will visit my workplace with the papers and force me to sign. I could either do it "the easy way or the hard way".
I don't drink, smoke, adulterate or subject her to any violence and I have a sterling military record including a special security clearance with very deep background checks. I think she may claim unreasonable behaviour however I am not sure on what grounds. I have already told her I am making her wait the full five years.
I have neglected her for the PC quite a bit when immersed in my own projects.
My questions are thus -
- Is she required by law to give me her new address where my daughter is a resident? She is refusing so far.
- Can I demand receipts for what she spends the CSA money on as she has been a habitual drug user in the past and frequent abuse of alchohol.
- If her family have furnished her with a cash gift to rent a property / buy a property is that a git to the married couple or soley to her?
- Can she deny me unscheduled visitation to my daughter as Army life can be very unpredicatable and last minute with frequent changes of plan.
- She is refusing to sign the car over to me in regards to the DVLA despite repeated requests since the tax is due in 11 days. Can I force her to do this in any way?
- Will she have an entitlement to my future monetary bonuses in the Army which are paid for continued service
- Is she legally allowed to return to a matrimonial home after confirming in writing she has left and take items without me being there?
- We have numerous joint bills including an outstanding e.on bill for over £500 in both of our names which she is refusing to pay. I am also liable for the HP agreement on the car and the repair and cleaning bills for the house. Does she need to contribute?
I am quite devastated at the turn of events and have emailed her some nasty remarks. She admitted that she stayed with me until she was pregnant again purely so that she did not have 2 children by different fathers and left me pretty much on the day that the second child was confirmed as healthy.
I have no real premises with which to visit or see my daughter and have been reduced to jungle jims for an afternoon.
:-(
In March 2012 (not that far away) I return to Afghanistan for 6 months so will pretty much not meet the newborn at all and I am certain (having known her) that by the time I return at Christmas 2012 that she will have someone else living there and parenting my daughter.
At this stage I feel like walking away from everything including my little girl and just letting them get on with their lives.
Any and all advice appreciated, even criticism.
