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Can a father gain shared residency to take a child away from siblings who are not his?

(12 Posts)
nolembit Mon 27-Jun-11 22:04:49

I have a friend whos DH walked out on her and her other 2 children shortly after she married him ( 5 weeks), to move back in with his mum. My friend was pregnant at the time (he knew) and he did not contact her again until after her DD2 was born. They are going through a divorce (he is dragging it out by not signing on the dotted line) and he currently has DD2 from Saturday am until Sunday pm weekly. He has told my friend that next year he will be applying to have DD2 4 days out of 7, when she will be 2. Is this likely considering that he will be removing DD2 from her brother and sister and that he does not live locally?. Please advise my friend is distraught. BTW I suspect he is after the ability to apply for working/family tax credits and CHB as the main carer.

edam Mon 27-Jun-11 22:11:28

I wouldn't have thought it was likely, no. Your friend needs proper legal advice, however. She could try her local Citizen's Advice Bureau, or perhaps Gingerbread, the organisation for single parents, might help.

cestlavielife Tue 28-Jun-11 11:17:28

why doesnt he want dd1?

Collaborate Tue 28-Jun-11 12:40:09

Not likely at all. I wouldn't worry if I were her.

GypsyMoth Tue 28-Jun-11 18:22:45

Shared residency is just a legal term. If he applies for this then he may well get it. Doesn't mean he becomes main carer tho

How far away does he live?

ZillionChocolate Wed 29-Jun-11 07:12:47

Shared residence with a split week is unlikely to be practical if they live far apart. I doubt a court would order it in these circumstances as it'd fall apart once the child started school.

Your friend does need to be absolutely meticulous in making sure contact happens. I would encourage her to keep good records (a diary will do) of contact offers/acceptances/cancelations/variations.

pooka Wed 29-Jun-11 07:16:37

I'd also be looking for there not being contact every weekend for the whole weekend.

What happens when dc starts school and the mum never gets weekend time withnher dc?

Collaborate Wed 29-Jun-11 14:00:38

When the child's only 1, this can be left until a later date though.

nolembit Wed 29-Jun-11 22:09:50

cestlavielife the 2 other children are not his.

ILove Tiffany they live about 40 miles apart but it is all country roads and so would be an hour away.

My friend is ill at the thought of being apart from her DD2, who is already at her dads overnight every weekend seperated from her 2 siblings. Considering his job is all hours that is already a lot, he would have to employ someone else to look after her if residency was shared!

cestlavielife Thu 30-Jun-11 16:03:19

it is inevitable longer term that he will spend time with his child, and that this child will therefore be separated from her siblings. otherwise how else can child see her father? he has no duty to the DC which are not his....

just facts really.

the question is how to deal with that fact now and thru the longer term.

yes he would have to arrange childcare - so does mother presumably?

on paper longer term is hard to see argument for child not having some form of shared residency/shared care with her dad though. mum needs to sepak to someone, get advice, see GP/counsellor etc. (if she getting ill - that wont help)

nolembit Thu 30-Jun-11 21:52:45

cestlavielife the mother currently works from home and so does not use childcare. Her life revolves around her children.

As for DD2's siblings I don't think it is fair that they should not have the opportunity to spend the weekend with their sister. The father wants to have DS2 every weekend for 4 days, once she goes to school that would mean that the mother and her other children would hardly see her.

The father works 7 days a week so it is madness that she should go there for 4 days to be looked after by a childminder instead of being with her mother and siblings.

I'm not suggesting that she does not see her father but if he is at work what is the point in him having the extra time? Much better for him to look at ways of working a 6 day week and spending one day a week of quality time with his daughter.

DioneTheDiabolist Thu 30-Jun-11 22:00:44

Tell your friend to seek professional legal advice. This will put her mind at ease. I find it odd that a man who married and walked away 5 weeks later now knows what he will want two years down the line.hmm

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