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whats the difference between a CONTACT order and a CONSENT order

(21 Posts)
OnlyWantsOne Wed 22-Jun-11 08:22:44

whats the difference between a contact order, and a consent order that "invisages contact" with prior mutual consent between parties.

This is regarding contact to a 4 year old - and her biological father

Collaborate Wed 22-Jun-11 09:07:33

The former does what it says on the tin; the latter is meaningless gibberish.

Well I'm being a tad unfair. It's a statement of intent, but no more.

OnlyWantsOne Wed 22-Jun-11 12:07:23

what are the implications then? we have a consent order

Collaborate Wed 22-Jun-11 12:51:26

It doesn't require anyone to do anything. It's useless in that respect.

OnlyWantsOne Wed 22-Jun-11 12:59:11

seriously??

whats the point then??

Collaborate Wed 22-Jun-11 13:08:41

Absolutely none, apprently.

Presumably you remember the reason why you agreed to it?

OnlyWantsOne Wed 22-Jun-11 13:29:58

it was after a 3 year court battle - violent ex P wanted access, following sec 7 cafcass report etc, there was no fact finding - but I am allowed to keep my address secret from him and have a residence order.

it says I will offer "resonable contact"

which I am, every other weekend 10 til 4

and im dealing with a 4 yr old that now wont sleep in her own bed and cries when she has to go and see him.

cestlavielife Wed 22-Jun-11 14:46:31

what happens when she sees him?
what is the issue?
is she able to articualte why she unhappy?
can she explain what goes on that she unhappy?

could you offer supervised contact instead?

OnlyWantsOne Wed 22-Jun-11 14:55:34

it was supervised until 2 times ago, 12 sessions at a contact centre, then I stayed with her at a local play centre.

She says she misses me, misses DP and wants to talk to me...

So last time I phoned, as arranged - I told him I was going to phone at lunch and speak to her. He asked if she had her own phone that I was going to call her on?!?!?!?

cestlavielife Wed 22-Jun-11 16:22:56

if it has moved on and no ongoing welfare issues then best leave her to it for the six hours so she gets used to being with him.

iheartdusty Thu 23-Jun-11 21:15:47

I don't agree - something is upsetting this 4 yr old, and it sounds as though it is connected to the transition from supervised contact to being without her mum for 6 hours.

OP, if you think your ex P is not taking proper care of your DD, you should apply to the court for a defined contact order and get CAFCASS involved again. The contact centre should have been able to give you an idea about whether things were going smoothly, even though they probably wouldn't give you a detailed report back.

But if you think it is more likely that your DD just is a bit unsettled, going through a 'clingy' patch, or just finding it all a bit too much, then suggest to your ex P in a constructive way that perhaps things have moved a bit too fast for your DD.

Could he see her for (say) 4 hours at the weekend, and 2 hours midweek? or some other pattern of shorter hours but more frequently?

OnlyWantsOne Thu 23-Jun-11 21:44:29

Apparently my x is still incontact with Cafcass even though the FAO timed out in January. Cafcass, accordin to X are happy with "his plan" for contact

Collaborate Thu 23-Jun-11 23:03:37

Cafcass are so over stretched I doubt he's done more than pester someone there until they've given him some well meaning platitudes to go away. They're not formally involved, and neither would they want to be unless it went back to court.

OnlyWantsOne Fri 24-Jun-11 07:43:43

Ex hasn't responded to my email about tomorrow - DD is expected to meet his new child, step siblings and a relative that has terminal lung cancer. I can't help but feel that the poor kid is going to be SO emotionally over loaded sad

CarryingTheCanAgain Fri 24-Jun-11 08:53:12

Do you know what activities and stuff he does with her while she's there? Why is it still only 6 hours a fortnight if she 4 and been seeing him all this time? How is she supposed to bond with him and enjoy going if his house is a place she has to visit that simply interrupts her normal life? 6 hours a fortnight is appalling, she could be staying overnight with him at that age! She could be spending her time in 2 'homes' 50/50 but instead is departed to the position of 'visitor' every couple of weeks, no wonder she finds it distressing - 6 hours a fortnight is NOT enough for them to bond. He's been supervised and no issues have been raised, is there a reason his contact with her has not What are you like at handovers? Do you encourage her to go and have fun?

CarryingTheCanAgain Fri 24-Jun-11 08:54:29

That should have been 'has not progressed'.

CarryingTheCanAgain Fri 24-Jun-11 09:05:41

Don't object to her meeting his family, having a 'family life' with him is Massively important for her well-being. She may be finding it upsetting because, only being there 6 hours every other weekend, she might feel like an outsider or something. Encourage her to become involved in his life as a member of his family, spend more time there, bond with her extended family. Make her less of a 'visitor' and she will find it more enjoyable and she won't get so upset about not being with you...

OnlyWantsOne Fri 24-Jun-11 09:44:39

I do make it fun smile we talk about the stuff she does, we have done things at home to show X - the reason it's 6 hours is because that is what he wants!! And it's never going to be 50/50 because he has 5 children living with him - there isn't room for her. He hasnt got room in his car to take them any where either.

Shes never been to his home - he takes her out to shops etc

OnlyWantsOne Fri 24-Jun-11 09:48:48

Also, I have suggested he talk to her in between when he sees her, phones etc and he said no hmm

He doesn't financially provide any thing either.

cestlavielife Fri 24-Jun-11 15:32:37

does she go to school/nursery/childminder?
does she spend other time without mum?
six hours away from mum with another family member (dad) - or even with a childcarer - should not be that troublesome...

i t hink it sounds complex.

go to GP, get child psychologist/play therpaist invovled if you think she actually suffereing anxiety etc - if you want to pursue eg no contact or whatever you will need profressional assessment of how she being affected. be proactive - if she troubled - you need to find ouy why and best this is a profressional/third party to do this...

OnlyWantsOne Fri 24-Jun-11 15:33:32

she goes to school 5 mornings a week and is normally perfectly happy smile

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