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help with contact order at help

(9 Posts)
courthelpneeded Mon 20-Jun-11 16:17:10

Hi I was after a little bit of advice re attending court for a contact order.

A bit of history, My Partner was with his ex for 2.5 years, what started as a casual bit of fun quickly changed when she fell pregnant. Their relationship was very on an off, they would always argue she has a gambling problem loves to play bingo and he used to love to be out at the weekends with his mates. She loved bingo so much so she would log in to his bank account and transfer money for her to use. Or pawn items in the home. He would work nights so would sleep during the day and then spend most weekend out cos he didn’t really want to be at home with her as they would always argue so he would storm off and she would lock him out he would end up at his mums all weekend. This basically continued for the whole relationship both kept promising to make more effort but both never did. Not the best relationship to have a child but they went on to have another one too.
They both had their faults in the relationship but this woman is quite nasty, (I have encountered abuse from her and her sister several times since starting this relationship with my partner she has also sent nasty messages to my family and ex husband) she accused him of domestic violence it went to court and thankfully the magistrates saw through what she was saying and found him not guilty, however her very good barrister really pushed for a restraining order which my partner didn’t object to as he wasn’t going anywhere near her so a bit of paper wouldn’t change it. The problem is his Ex is very clever, for example at court for the domestic violence court case she was strutting around giving us both dirty looks along with her family but in court really acted the victim had a screen put up, made my partner leave court as she entered and left etc. she also previously said if he didn’t love her he didn’t love the kids and if he left her he was leaving the kids and she would do everything in her power to stop him seeing them ever.
The reason I have given this bit of history is because of the type of woman she is and were worried what she will do in court.

Currently my partner is going through solicitors to get access to his children, she has told numerous lies about him, drug addict, alcoholic, used to beat her up which she is using the restraining order to back her claims up, despite the not guilty verdict. Through the solicitor he has asked for very basic access to increase slowly as its now been 8 months since he has seen the children and they are young, so is obviously trying to be responsible for the kids, but she has come back with lies and said contact centre and no where else. He is currently awaiting a date for the contact centre and having drug tests etc to prove she is lying, he wants to be able to go to court and show he has done everything she has asked, proven its all lies and started to build back the relationships with the children

He will eventually go to court to get a contact order to have proper agreed access away from the contact centre but there are a few things were concerned with and was hoping for some advice or suggestions…apologises it has been long winded but you needed the facts lol

Due to the restraining order he cannot contact her directly or indirectly or attend her home address, so having access away from the contact centre maybe difficult for handing over the children, there are no mutual friends, and his family have pretty much wiped their hands of it as she is so nasty they are sick of dealing with her. Her family feels the same about dealing with my partner. Is there any other options for the handing over of the children can they meet at a public place to do it or is that breaking the restraining order? We would something to suggest for the contact order.

He obviously would eventually like the children overnight at his home which he has purposely rented so its suitable for the children, is that something he should build up to or can it be requested straight away?

Can she have conditions included in the contact order?? for example she doesn’t like me and the fact we have a very good happy relationship and doesn’t want me or my daughter anywhere near her children, is this something the court will agree to or are they usually not interested in that unless im a proved drug addict or something?

Any other advice on dealing with this would be really great. Don’t get me wrong im not for one second putting all the blame on her for the way their relationship was but he left her as it was better to be apart for the children then together and all he wants is to be able to see them fairly and eventually away from the contact centre so he can be a proper daddy to them and were very concerned about what she can try to do and if the courts would automatically believe her lies as the police did before.

Thank you to anyone who got to the end of this and has some helpful advice!!

GypsyMoth Mon 20-Jun-11 16:27:07

No,she can't prevent you meeting the kids. Also, perhaps you could use the contact centre for hangovers? Or could he collect from nursery/school?

The judge will have seen all this before, don't worry!! Aim high and ask for all of it, then the judge will likely grant in the middle somewhere leaving your do with decent contact

cestlavielife Tue 21-Jun-11 10:05:31

yes you could maybe use contact centre for handovers. ask local contact centre what they can offer/help with. www.naccc.org.uk

he can ask for overnights but is likely to be gradual build up to that from child's point of view. cant go from not seeing for 8 months to overnight strightaway. a few months contact centre, then contact away from contact centre etc. build up slowly. he needs to see it as long term project.

in the time of going to contact centre and handing over there, ex may also calm down a little. contact centre staff may be able to assist her too in finding a way to deal with it all. depends what kind of contact centre it is if they have trained staff etc.

but some exes are going to be ranting and raving for ever...you have to find a way to deal with that long term. by staying calm and agreeing to contact centre etc and working on building up contact over time -eventualy she will slip up. she will calm down or she will eventually do something which is witnessed to show she is lying etc.

so long as he stays away from her, remains calm etc then the DV allegation will be so far in the past as to be meaningless in terrms of contact with DC.

but is going to be long long process.

courthelpneeded Tue 21-Jun-11 15:32:39

thank you both so much for taking the time to read my very long post grin

He is prepared to play the long game and will build up the contact slowly, his children are 7mths and 22 months so they are very young, he was present when the youngest was born but not been allowed to see them since then.

were just trying to look in to the options for handing over the children the best way obv for his babies and to keep the parents apart. the local contact centre does handovers but only on a saturday so not much help for other days.

We know she will not agree to access away from contact centre so he will need to go to court and we need to be in a position to have options to collect and return the kiddies and at present i have no ideas at all

Thank you again

cestlavielife Tue 21-Jun-11 23:39:04

start with contact centre, ask for weekly contact to start.

later he could employ a nanny type person to collect and return kids, or use a registered childminder. etc.

courthelpneeded Wed 22-Jun-11 09:18:56

a registered childminder is a fantastic idea!!!
thank you again, so very much appreciated this is such a scary and daunting situation to be involved in

courthelpneeded Thu 07-Jul-11 14:00:06

My Partner has just received a call from his solicitor advising that now his ex is saying the only way he can see the children at the contact centre is with her present in the room, which she knows cannot happen due to the restraining order. the lady who deals with all applications at contact centre has said to her solicitor it isnt possible and she will need to wait in the waiting room. He was going to the contact centre purely to start contact and so when he eventually goes to court seeing the children anywhere would show how willing he is. Social Services also have advised the contact centre lady they have no concerns whatsoever.

When they were together, although had fallen out and he was back his mums (this did happen alot!) she would always drop his dd to him and leave her there but now she is unwilling.

My partner now wants to go to court to get a contact order,
The children are young 8mths and 22mths, he hasnt seen them for 8mths so no relationship with his 8mth old son at all,
What im wondering is would the courts grant a contact order away from the contact centre? esp if he has a 3rd party to help handover the children due to restraining order, there is no real reason to go there except for his ex and her lies so he agreed to it just to start seeing them, or would they be likely to say it has to be at the contact centre?

he was 2 weeks away from seeing them and is devestated she has done this! she always said she would do all she could to stop him seein them, true to her word!!

Thank you for any replies in advance,

cestlavielife Thu 07-Jul-11 16:13:49

he should stay calm - the whole point of contact centre is for parent to see the children - not for parent to see the other parent.

of course she has to wait in the waiting room!

she is beginning to look silly . hopefully the judge will see that....

he yes could also offer another lcoation - but frankly from his point of view a contact centre where the staff/proressional people can see what is going on will help him play the game better...and after a few sessions if she continues to be silly then she will look stupid

DollyTwat Thu 07-Jul-11 16:20:30

The cintact center will have seen all this before. They provide a separate room so parents don't see each other.
The court will almost certainly insist both patents attend a parenting apart course. It's a good course which she may find very useful in helping to be less obstructive.

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