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Restraining order help

(12 Posts)
clairehaines1 Tue 14-Jun-11 11:01:02

Hi All

My Partner was recently found not guilty at a domestic violence hearing in March, when he was found not guilty the magistrate summed up by saying they believed it was a verbal arguement started by his ex. My partner left his ex as they were always arguing, she is quite a nasty lady and would always start and argument, push him around, grab his throat even went at him with a knife and as soon as he would grab her to try to stop her she would accuse him of all sorts, this sort of thing continued throughout their relationship. unfortunetly they had 2 children together, the last incident which led to the court case was when his ex was heavily pregnant and he wanted to calm her down,

My partner wasnt represented by a solicitor at court as he couldnt afford it, the court paid for the cross examination part. when he was found not guilty her solicitor really pushed for a restrainging order, the magistrate went away to decide and said if my partner didnt object they would grant it, he had no one their to advise what he should do but he didnt object as he had no intention of going anywhere near her as he hadnt for a few months prior to the court case.

Basically he is now trying to get access to his children through solicitors and she is using this restraingin order to make is as difficult as possible, his 7 month old son has also been extremely ill had ops in hospital but due to the restraining order he cannot contact anyone to find out how he is.

Is there anything he can do to appeal the order? at present there is no expiry date on it it says until further order

Any advise would be great.

Many thanks
Claire

cestlavielife Tue 14-Jun-11 12:00:51

why doesnt he just apply for a contac torder to grant him contact with son eg n a contact centre?

then mother can be ordered to allow contact - using eg contact centre means he wont have to breach restraining order as son would be handed over by third party.

as you say best he keeps away from ehr (and vice versa) but child has right tor elationshipo with his dad so he should appluy for contact order to see son in a contact centre or via third party to avoid contact with the ex

GypsyMoth Tue 14-Jun-11 12:05:56

esolicitors and trying to gain contact through them,is a waste of money. they cant force her to do anything at all

court is the only way. families need fathers could help
mediation?
what is a domestic violence hearing?

clairehaines1 Tue 14-Jun-11 13:46:48

It was a court hearing, she alleged dom violence because he wouldnt stay with her and she started a fight basically, he got arrested and he went to court got found not guilty there was no evidence etc his word against her but the police unfortunetly always will always go with the female, as they should in real dom violence casses obv

he wanted to go down the court route but the solicitor advised him that he would look better in court if he has made all possible reasonable requests via solicitors first and it will show she is being the hostile one. he is currently awaiting a contact centre date but wants to see his children at his home and with his parents etc not for 1 hour a week at contact centre. he has said in 4-6 weeks he wants to move away from the contact centre which we know she wont allow so it will be court and in court he would like everything in his favour including the restraining order gone or changed etc.

she has always said if he walks away from her then in her eyes he is walking away from them and if he does she will do everything in her power to not allow him access at all, she is very manipilative and clever and will do and say anything, she is already demanding hair strand test for drug use when he has never touched the stuff.

cestlavielife Tue 14-Jun-11 14:57:10

it might be better he accepts one hour at contact centre as starting point - if he gets glowing reviews from contact centre staff then can present evidence at court as to why it should move on from contact centre. usually contact centre is only seen as temprorary anyway with a view to moving forward to unsupervised

by refusing contact centre he is looking stubborn - even tho he may be "in the right" -by accepting contact centre as only way to see his DC right now he is showing he is prepared to do whatever it takes. then court will take a view and it wont be what she decides.

he has to play the system a little and look like the resonable, good guy will do whatever it takes to see my children even if only one hour in contact centre for a few weeks here .

clairehaines1 Tue 14-Jun-11 16:38:33

Thank you for your reply!! this is exactly what our solicitor has said, everything she has wanted he has agreed to including paying for hair strand testing, by the time it goes to court he would also have started to build a relationship with the children which is another thing in his favour....so difficult, he just wants the restraining order to have atleast an expiry date on it so he knows its not something that she can continue to use against him whenever she feels like it!!

Collaborate Tue 14-Jun-11 16:53:46

A restraining order can last I think a maximum of 5 years. I don't think one can last indefinitely.

Would be worthwhile him writing to the court that made the order pointing this out and asking if the order has been incorrectly worded.

I also think he should ask for a copy of the findings made by the court. Would be useful perhaps if he's ever arrested under the restraining order. Don't think the court should have made the order, but he did agree to it.

Maybe a crime specialist might be able to offer some better advice.

clairehaines1 Wed 15-Jun-11 15:24:40

many thanks for your help!!

The court notes are on the way out to us which is something extra he will have for court as she is also currently advising her solicitor of some very unture statements the magistrate apparently said about my partner when he was in court for the alledged dom violence, which is also why her solicitor is pushing for the contact centre based on what she is being told!

Thanks again x

cestlavielife Wed 15-Jun-11 15:36:40

if her word against his then hard to prove either way -

best he takes line of saying he will do whatever it takes to see DC, go to contact centre, be model parent there and do nothing which reflects badly on him (dont rise to her behaviour) and it will likely move to unsupervised very quickly.

contact centre is only temporary - unless there hard evidence of welfare issues

he should record her behaviour eg messages etc if directed to him and get witnesses. record everything.

clairehaines1 Wed 15-Jun-11 16:25:46

she has a harrasement warning from the police so doesnt contact him at all anymore, such a shame their are woman like her it would all be so much more straight forward if she just agreed to him seeing them at set times, he pays through csa and end all of the nastiness.

One thing i would like to ask, hoping you may know the answer lol....as and when he goes to court to get a contact order she will fight that their children cannot be anywhere near myself or my daughter and also his family, as there is no genuine reason we shouldnt be near his children none of us are drug takers alcoholics or worse would it be a case that a magistrate wouldnt agree to her demands without a very good reason?

Thanks!!!!!
Claire

Collaborate Thu 16-Jun-11 07:01:25

The magistrates will have made a written record of reasons and findings. He's entitled to a copy.

Riakin Thu 16-Jun-11 12:51:08

A restraining order can be overturned.

He will need to apply to the courts to have this order lifted but will need grounds to do so.

Other options available are that you use a mutual friend/relative to collect the children.

In addition to this i would also say that if he as been having previously good contact and proven himself to be an involved father a contact centre may not be generally the best experience. Many parents who are or have been involved do generally find them very demoralising.

A magistrate would need to be given evidence (founded) as to why a child should not be allowed around other children who are involved in your OH's relationship. I can tell you now that the chances of a court granting this if you current children are below the age of 15 is pretty much 0%. You'll be more than safe.

Some exp's often deny contact when a younger child is going to be around children who are much older and have been known in the past to flag up at court that their child has been picking up bad habits/words from the older child. This is something of course a court will consider however generally speaking a court will not see this as something that can impact on the general wellbeing of child as it can be a problem that can be tackled.

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