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Ex refusing to pay child maintenance-court question.

(25 Posts)
SpiritualKnot Sun 12-Jun-11 09:47:06

Hope someone out there can advise me on this?

Ex husband is refusing to pay child maintenance this month and says possibly subsequent months too, as I have had a holiday with my daughter and he says the maintenance money will help ensure he has a holiday too. Child maintenance is £250 a month by consent order. He says he refuses to go overdrawn for me.

He says I can take him to court about it as he wants to ask re visitation rights. He has no restriction on seeing his 12year old daughter who lives with me, but he wants her to stay overnight at his new house with him, his girlfriend that he left me for and her 3 year old son. Daughter says she will stay if girlfriend and her son aren't there. His girlfriend has family nearby so this would be workable but they don't want this.

We have a house we both own and rent out. It was meant to go into his name at the time of divorce (December 2010), but he has not chased this up, application has been done, so it is still in our joint names. I pay the mortgage etc on this and maintain it and get the rent. I was passing it to him as he does nothing with it and I'm sick of the responsibility. He says he should have half the rent as I'm getting the profits. As I paid the £12000 deposit for it I'm not actually making any profit, so his argument it meaningless.If I passed over the paying of the mortgage etc and the rent to him whilst it's in joint names, I would then have to carry on with all the responsibilities and he wouldn't be motivated to chase the transfer of equity (I've been chasing it, but he hasn't). He says he will bring this up in court as well.

Our divorce was a bit of a nightmare for me as he refused to get a solicitor so I ended up having to have his questions answered by my own, which was costly for me.

If I take him to court for non payment of child maintenance then can he actually bring up these other issues he has or will it just focus on the non payment of child maintenance?

Alibabaandthe80nappies Sun 12-Jun-11 09:54:05

I have no idea about the financial stuff, although I'm bemused about why you seem to be giving him a house which you have paid for so far!

In terms of visitation, I think by the age of 12 the court are going to listen to what your daughter wants. If she doesn't want to go and see him then she doesn't have to, so he can try but I don't think he will get very far.

Can you not go through the CSA instead rather than running up more legal bills which it sounds like you will pay rather than him!

SpiritualKnot Sun 12-Jun-11 10:05:41

Hi Alibabaa,

Don't want the house because of the stress of it all. This is a man who I don't want to have any dealings regarding money with, as he shouts and screams a lot and calls me "greedy greedy greedy." The marriage didn't reveal this side of him as I paid for everything.

The consent order means I can't apply to CSA for a year and 1 day after it was issued (December 2010).

When you say he can try to ask re visits, does that mean he will be able to bring up other issues in court? I got sick of discussing his issues with my solicitor during the divorce and am hoping the court will just focus on why I've got him there. If he has issues then shouldn't he have his own solicitor for those?

STIDW Sun 12-Jun-11 20:21:56

Arrears of maintenance can be enforced through the courts and if your husband wishes to raise contact issues he will need to make his own application. Finances and contact are dealt with separately under different bits of legislation.

STIDW Sun 12-Jun-11 20:27:52

PS With applications for enforcement the general court rule that the unsuccessful party pays the other party's costs applies.

SpiritualKnot Sun 12-Jun-11 21:36:21


Thanks for that STIDW, much appreciated.

Collaborate Sun 12-Jun-11 23:28:53

I'm a bit confused. If you have a consent order for child maintenance you must have a final court financial order. Why do you still have the jointly owned property? Wasn't it dealt with in the court order?

Collaborate Sun 12-Jun-11 23:30:50

BTW enforce the arrears of maintenance and the future maintenance through an attachment of earnings order, or just apply for a warrant of execution. Sending the baliffs round (that's a warrant) usually results in the arrears being made good.

SpiritualKnot Mon 13-Jun-11 22:46:48


Yes it was dealt with in the court order. He was supposed to put it in his name with a transfer of equity by the end of January 2011 but didn't. In the end I had to do the paper work for him and post it. He wanted to stick with the same company as it was such a low rate of interest, but they are being extremely slow and he is not looking around for alternatves.

I've looked up attachments of earnings order, thanks for that info, that looks like what I'll need to do


SpiritualKnot Mon 13-Jun-11 22:48:44

ps it was a consent order not a court order, is that the same?

STIDW Tue 14-Jun-11 00:16:31

Yes. A court order can be either "by consent" (agreed) or imposed by a judge.

STIDW Tue 14-Jun-11 00:50:56

I should have said though that a child maintenance can now normally only be included in a consent order and the courts usually have no jurisdiction to impose child maintenance.

happymummy44 Tue 14-Jun-11 10:44:46

Hi, sorry to but in.... STIDW when you say that the courts usually have no jurisdiction to impose child maintenance..... is this even if it is sealed in a consent order? Thx

Collaborate Tue 14-Jun-11 11:25:02

No. A consent order within divorce is one of the exceptions.

Riakin Thu 16-Jun-11 12:59:47

Hi SpiritualKnot

If a consent order is in place then that is a fixed amount that has to be paid. There is very few ways of getting out of it. For example if he lost his job.

Just out of curiosity if your 12year old is refusing to stop over, what are her reasons for this?

If he goes or gets taken to court for maintenance (b reaking consent order) he could be held in contempt of court. Likewise he cannot refuse this and if it states the hearing is for Child Maintenance thats what its for. Visitation/Contact would be a separate issue to be dealt with. A magistrate will not deal with visitation issues when the case is for child maintenance issues/arrears.

SpiritualKnot Thu 16-Jun-11 17:50:50

Hi Riakin,

Thank you for reply, very useful.

My daughter has said she wants to stay at her dads if his girlfiend isn't there as she wants a relationship with him but not his girlfriend. But even when he had his own place she stayed over once but not again as she said it wasn't like home.

She knows that her dad left me for this girlfriend and was very upset at the time, along with myself. I think this has a bearing on the situation as well. Ex wants me to encourage my daughter to go and stay there but I find myself unable to discuss this with her and I think I secretly approve of her decision I'm afraid.

If she wanted to stay then I wouldn't have a problem with it though. It may well be that like his visits and phone calls to her, overnight stays would dwindle to a minimum anyway.

ivykaty44 Thu 16-Jun-11 18:06:41

If I take him to court for non payment of child maintenance then can he actually bring up these other issues he has or will it just focus on the non payment of child maintenance?

In short - no he can't and yes it will be about non payment

and it will not be look favourably him not paying the money he should.

Don't let your solicitor answer his questions - he is old enough and big enough to work out how to employ his own solicitor if he wants to ask questions or tell him to try the CAB wink each time he does ask

Riakin Fri 17-Jun-11 13:07:15

Hi SpiritualKnot,

She will naturally be upset. And i can/could agree myself in principal to her decision to choose not to go because his new girlfriend is there.

What i would say is that i actually think that you should be encouraging your daughter to have a relationship with her Father in the sense that if she goes but is refusing to stop, there is (statistically) a likelihood that she is picking up on your emotions and or comments in relation to the ex. Is this the case?

I'm not assuming btw, i'm just making a statement to see if i am along the right lines.

What ideally needs to happen is a two fold talk with her, what i would suggest is that you tell your ex this: Take your daughter out somewhere you know they will have a good day and then once this has happened your husband gently needs to bring up the issue for example "I've done your bed at my house if you would like to stop" this can then ease them into the conversation of him asking why she doesn't want to stop.

Its likely she is feeling some resentment of him for what he has done to you.

Now the next thing i would say is going to be attacked on here... but it takes two people to cause a marriage to end. Were you happy throughout your marriage? Why did it deteriorate? I'm just building up some background info and really appreciate you braving the storm and answering these somewhat personal questions.

Some on here i've noticed (pre-member) that no you cannot force a child to go to the other parent, however there are conditions where if your daughters attitude towards her Dad (and mainly girlfriend) doesn't change, it will leave a lasting effect on her. A common one being more prone to outbursts of anger and "irrationality" (a very broad word).

You need to support your daughter and having a relationship with her Father just as much as your ex does in supporting his own relationship with her and yourself of course.

At 12years old children often start to get the "i know best" thought train, especially given if there is an experience (i.e. separation)...

I would be grateful for your answers... thankyou smile

SpiritualKnot Sat 18-Jun-11 00:41:10

Hi Riakin,

The problem with my ex is that he tends to bring things on himself a bit. Up till a few months ago, I was happy for him to come in my house to see my daughter, make himself a cuppa, sit and watch TV and then he started going through my bills, took my house keys etc. Didn't mind him going through bills but he got really angry about things I'd bought. Then he insulted my new furniture. I'd get home from work and there'd be a bin missing, things like that, it was unnerving.

He used to be really nice, but he joined the Police about 8 years ago and it changed him an awful lot. The girl he left me for was his probationer and they'd worked together on the same shifts, in the same car, for about 18months before he left me. People who know her say she is not a nice person.

I was relieved in some ways that he left as he had changed so much, became very bossy and drank a lot, but because we never argued and generally got on very well, my daughter was just shell-shocked by it all. We were married 20 years. As he became more bossy I kind of withdrew from him as it was pointless trying to hold a conversation as he would at some point mention my weight, my age etc. I was 10 years older than him, this girl is less than half my age.

I find it very difficult to even talk about my ex to my daughter, let alone mention his girlfriend. I told him when he left me for her, that I would be happy to be friends with his next girlfriend but not this one and I still feel that way. Ex has always needed lots of reasurrance about things and daughter says that when she's with him, he constantly goes on about how he's worried that she doesn't love him anymore. She says she has to act super happy around him comes back from him upset about it.

Anyway, I don't know what to do, but thank you for the advice on how to move things forward, I am trying.

STIDW Sat 18-Jun-11 01:21:11

Actually children at this age are at a stage when they are very capable of making their own rigid moral judgments and being angry at a parent for leaving them, or holding a new partner who was involved in their family breakdown or shortly after responsible. Children need time to grieve for the loss of their parents' relationship which is why it is a good idea to introduce new partners sensitively and at least a year, preferably two years, after the breakup.

Even if the parent with the majority of care tries to support the relationship between the child and other parent it may take considerable time before the child drops their stance of anger. Trying to force the issue is counterproductive because it leads to resentment and resistance. Sadly other parents who are insensitive to their children's feelings may bring about their own rejection.

Riakin Sat 18-Jun-11 12:25:17

In response to the above poster... One or two years? Can I just ask if you are, or have worked with child psychologists? I can assure you and everyone on this board that while yes a child does need time to grieve that statement is not in any way backed, endorsed or supported by child psychiatric service(s) or therapists and that advice being given is entirely unsupportive of the child and the child's right to a relationship with the father.

I would suggest that you seek factual accounts rather than guestimate a child's circumstance.

xiaojree Sat 18-Jun-11 13:28:33

Message deleted

pretentiouswasteoftime Sat 18-Jun-11 13:34:12

MNHQ - I think you have a problem - the post below is al over the board.

xiaojdd Sun 19-Jun-11 01:27:35

Message deleted

xiaojwww Mon 20-Jun-11 02:46:13

Message deleted

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