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Advice regarding separating finances, mediation etc

(6 Posts)
EndingItAmicably Wed 08-Jun-11 17:53:07

Hi,
I am in the process of separating from XP. He left at the beginning of the year. The DCs are with me. We had a horticulture business which we started 8 years ago and I put in the start up capital. For the last 3 years we havent been trading although XP has been using the business assets for some minor trading until he decided to move out. I have not been involved. I have seen none of the proceeds & took no drawings even during the time we were trading. (When we were trading the proceeds went into our joint account).

We have a joint (not business) bank account which he said he would sort out. I trusted that he would honour his agreement. It was in credit when we stopped trading but has been in debit for the last couple of years. Over the last 3 years he has taken drawings, his national insurance and other personal bills (like road tax) out of this account. Previously this was occuring but it was out business (although her didnt want me to pay NI from this account). Now that we are separating he is refusing to take on the debt. He says his income is too low.

We have been to mediation and the advice has been that I need to let go of the start up capital and take on half the debt by selling the (now joint) assets of the business.

I am upset that this obviously affects not only myself but also the DCs. He pays no maintenance. I think there should be a way of him taking responsibility for his personal choices without it affecting me any more (?!)We are going back to mediation tomorrow and I would value any advice!

Sorry this ended up being longer than anticipated!

Collaborate Wed 08-Jun-11 21:52:47

You really need to see a solicitor about it. It sounds too complex to be dealt with on a message board, and for that reason. I can't comment.

sneezecakesmum Wed 08-Jun-11 21:59:53

Do try to work this out through mediation, if you can't and it goes to court surely the costs involved will outweigh any benefits? Ask your solicitor for some very straight numbers on this.

Regardless ExP should be paying maintenance. Call the CSA.

EndingItAmicably Thu 09-Jun-11 12:18:48

Thanks for your responses.
In case its useful to anyone else at mediation today they said we can't take into consideration past history and have to work out the best way to move forward from here....
So still work in progress, but somehow have to get through this by letting go of all that has passed.

Collaborate Thu 09-Jun-11 13:26:55

Then the mediators are wrong. Sounds like they are dishing out advice, which they shouldn't do. You should each be getting advice from your solicitors as the mediation progresses.

What he's taken out of the account post separation is relevant.

EndingItAmicably Thu 09-Jun-11 17:54:24

Thanks for that Collaborate. I'm actually not very convinced about one of the mediators who seems to be fighting his corner. She seems to think he is being hard done by or something. I really just want to get things sorted out fairly.

I'm not sure what he has told her but today I pointed out that he hadn't adequately disclosed his income and he made out that he worked so rarely it hardly mattered. I know he has worked more than this but I can't prove it. He was very quick to disclose mine at the last session and it was only when I looked through the summary that I realised he had only talked about his debts.

By the end of the session she said "there is only one way forward, for you both to accept the debt" and I said "actually there is at least one other way - that he honors his agreement to take it on". It went no further.

I am feeling manipulated and not at all sure if I want to continue with it, though I may just try and get the debt sorted out to move on. I will try and get some legal advice. ATM I want shot of this situation and wish I'd never had kids with the man so I never had to have anything to do with him ever again sad

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