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Family law issue - quite complex

(6 Posts)
InnocentRedhead Tue 17-May-11 23:20:15

I have not asked anything in Legal before but I really feel this needs some help. The whole issue is very complex and in the hands of the solicitors and there is a lot of personal feelings but the crux of it is quite simple.

Basically, my step daughter is caught in a battle between her mother and her father and me (Of course it may see i am taking sides but her mother tends to run with the slightest thought and runs with it working herself into a frenzy) I have fell out with my DSD mother and she is now personally attacking my DP using DSD as a weapon. She is 2.0 and has being put into full time play school and as mentioned on a previous court order DP has her on his days off, but as he works shifts he is being withheld contact - this is the issue in the solicitors as it is against the court order... There is more to it but that is one of the issues that is with the solicitors. Her mother has turned this into a personal battle and is using her daughter as a pawn. I am also getting harrassed by DSD mother, this is more relevant later on. She traces my every move and that of my families (this is also relevant too - this may sound petty but due to this i have had to change all the privacy settings on ALL members of my family facebook, why should i have to do this? I have nothing to hide but i don't feel comfortable that she looks through my families pictures, it is very unnerving)...

DSD mother has residency in favour of her... There is reasons behind this too, DP went back to work to provide for DSD as he couldn't survive on benefits and DSD mother had also said she was 'Ready to be a Mother' (DSD is her 4th child and lives on benefits too [this is not a dig to those on benefits but she blames DPs career and shift pattern on why she can't get a job - this is what i have an issue with]) DP had to do the heart wrenching act of giving away his daughter after bringing her up single handed for 14 months pretty much from birth.

Right... now to the crux of it as I felt you needed some background. Me and DP are having to leave our home as we can't afford to run it on just the one wage (i lost my job, and i am eligible for NO benefits, not even JSA). We are having to move back to MY parents (not DPs parents) They live out of the area but only half hour drive away (16 miles), They are doing a good deed and taking us in until we get back on our feet for free. DSD mother is now saying she will withhold more contact if she does not know where we live. Now, i understand she has a right to know where her daughter is, (However when DP asks where Ellie is if she stays out it is met with a 'what is it to do with you') but it leads back to the issue that i am getting harrassed by her and also uses my families facebooks to get links and leads on me, i fear her coming to me. My parents will be living here long term (have being at their address for 17 years and plan for at least another 6) and they do not want her knowing the address. They know the history and background of what has happened and are actually fearing for me too.

I feel that she should not know the address and so does DP. Is there anyway of some official body knowing where we are in case anything untoward or bad was to happen or does she have to know it? Obviously asking from a legal point of view but i would really appreciate advice from any point of view. I understand this is long but there is a lot of surrounding issues and these mentioned are probably only 1/10 of all the issues.

mumblechum1 Tue 17-May-11 23:43:46

So, is the crux of the problem that the little girl's mum wants to know where she'll be staying but her dad doesn't want to tell her?

All this stuff about facebook is a separate issue.

Do you/your dp absolutely HAVE to be on facebook? I'm a family lawyer and increasingly, people's personal and private arguments are being displayed on fb which is not helpful or appropriate imo.

InnocentRedhead Wed 18-May-11 17:08:53

The crux of the issue is, i am getting harrassed by DSD mother on and off social networking sites (FB is seperate but the fact i had to change mine and my families privacy settings so she couldn't follow me is wrong). Arguments are not displayed on FB i have it hidden for my own personal safety.

DSD mother wants to know where she is staying when she is with us, which is fair enough if we were at our own address, we are staying at my parents, which there is a risk she will turn up and i do not want this on my parents doorstep, especially if she comes to dump DSD with us and we are not in and she gets put on my parents (she has done this before to DP, dumped her on the doorstep)

Is there anyway that someone can know the address such as a solicitor without her having to know it?

mumblechum1 Wed 18-May-11 17:11:34

The problem about using a solicitor's contact details is that they're not going to be available outside office hours, which is when most contact handovers take place.

I do appreciate your concerns about her causing problems at your parent's address, but don't think that you can realistically not tell her where he daughter is going to be staying when she's only two.

InnocentRedhead Wed 18-May-11 19:40:44

Thank you for the advice... Do we have to tell her that it is my parents house? though as she has now said to DP that DSD is not to have ANY contact with my family (I do not know her reasons - as i think i have said, everything has to be her way and she freaks if it isn't, cant really comment for sure though) And if there was to be any contact with my family (bearing in mind DSD mother has never met them) then contact between DP and DSD will stop (breaching the previous court order.

I said to DP about this that he is her dad too and DSD mother cannot dictate this

glitterkitten Wed 01-Jun-11 14:36:41

I too am a family lawyer and fully support what mumblechum1 says.

The Courts (and Lawyers!) HATE Facebook based grumbles- if you don't like what the site leaves you open to DONT have an account. Simples.

You will be met with little sympathy in the Court running "harrassment via facebook" as an argument against disclosing the address.

As a compromise, i would suggest that the address is disclosed on the basis that she will not attend unless by prior agreement and that should she abuse this information by turning up/harassing you and your family, you will seek a civil injunction.

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