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ExH stopping me applying for decree absolute

(53 Posts)
ddrmum Sat 15-Jan-11 14:59:44

Why would an exH get his solicitor to send me a letter demanding that I do NOT apply for my decree absolute until financial matters are sorted? They are threatening to take me to court and look for costs if I do. I am really stressed out about this as he agreed to the divorce so long as I paid for it - again via solicitor - so why try to stop it? Should point out that I have most of the assets and 3 young children to support.

countydurhamlass Sat 15-Jan-11 19:26:25

it will probably be something to do with a pension or endowment policy. if you/him are entitled to a payment whilst a spouse (ie if you die and have a clause where he will get a lump sum or your pension as your spouse) then when you are divorced you lose that entitlement.

it is, however, standard when finances are being sorted out for a solicitor to not apply for the Decree Absolute until a Consent Order is drawn up, signed and ready to go to the court as well.

ddrmum Sat 15-Jan-11 22:20:35

Hmmm. This is likely to be the case. He refused to take a Co pension when I got him the job & on numerous occasions since. I do have a pension but have had to leave my job due to his behaviour. He has already told me that he intends to bleed me dry as I have assets from prior to our relationship as well as the FMH, even though we have 3 very young children. He started paying maintenance in Sept after CSA intervention and hadn't paid anything towards mortgage, bills or the children etc since May '10. Even took my money to pay his legal fees - cheek! Grrrrrrangry. I expect this to get worse as Cafcass have written a pretty damning report on him and his behaviour towards me & the children. think this will be a long, painful and needlessly expensive action which I cannot afford

Resolution Sat 15-Jan-11 23:46:34

If you are the petitioner he cannot stop you applying for DA 6 weks after DN. Ignore him if you wish. If you are the respondent though, it's in the discretion of the court whether to grant you the DA, and you probably won't get it if he'll lose valuable pension rights.

mumblechum Sun 16-Jan-11 07:48:37

Presumably you are the petitioner, judging from your OP?

If you're petitioning on the grounds of separation, he may have stated in his acknowledgement of service form that he wants the court to consider his financial position before DA, and in those circumstances, the court has a red flag on your file to prevent them from issuing the DA - otherwise, as Resolution says, you can go ahead and apply six weeks and a day after the Decree Nisi.

The reason we don't, these days, automatically apply after the six weeks is to protect potential benefits under pensions, generally, but in your circumstances, it sounds as though you have nothing to lose by applying for DA as soon as the six weeks have passed, so long as you're divorcing him on adultery or unreasonable behaviour.

His solicitors could lodge an application to prevent you, but the court has discretion to dismiss their application if appropriate.

ddrmum Sun 16-Jan-11 20:08:03

Yes, I am the petitioner and as far as I know nothing has been lodged with the court to red-flag the DA (so to speak). The letter from his solicitors state that they will apply to the court to stop the DA being issued and get costs from me - bit aggressive. It is likely to be regarding pension as he refused to take up the option when offered on several occasions, and my personal property which I can prove he has paid nothing into though has taken from it. I just wonder what to do for the best? Don't want to risk further costs as I am paying out for everything with a minimal contribution from him for the children due to CSA intervention. Really just want him out of my life, but with 3dc it's not an option as yet. The divorce has been granted on his unreasonable behaviour & really quickly too I might add! What are the chances of costs being made against me on this if I go ahead and apply for DA? Thanks, I am really worried about this.

babybarrister Sun 16-Jan-11 22:20:53

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ilovemydogandMrObama Sun 16-Jan-11 22:26:02

dj = district judge.

ddrmum Sun 16-Jan-11 22:28:40

Thanks babybarrister, that's made things a little clearer, but he even wants to control this & I've had to pay for it! There's no real urgency and no-one involved on my part anyway -just want it out of the way! He's an utter parasite so the big fight will be over (my) money. I have been advised that although he owes me a significant amount of money, he will not walk away empty handed. I had a house when we met. He never lived in it or contributed to it but now wants 50% of it, plus the FMH, pension any savings etc. Yet, I have been paying everything for myself & 3dc since June! It seems so pointless trying to provide for yourself and family when someone can walk in and essentially rip it away. My age and the fact that the dc are so young (all < 6yrs)will reduce my chances of getting another (large-ish) mortgage even though have a good job. It's quite soul destroying.

freshmint Sun 16-Jan-11 22:31:06

how long was the marriage?

Resolution Mon 17-Jan-11 09:17:47


Just to clarify - your husband's threat is meaningless. The court has absolutely no power to delay the decree absolute in a case such as yours, save where he has appealed the decree nisi.

So if you want to go ahead and get your DA, do so.

Can I suggest your solicitor asks your husband's solicitor to explain under what part of the Family Proceedings Rules 1991 they think the court can make the order they want? You may not get a response.

freshmint Mon 17-Jan-11 10:38:08

um how about fpr 2.49 (2) (g)? referencing s10 MCA 73? He COULD apply under that and he might be successful

Resolution Mon 17-Jan-11 11:21:58

2.49(2)(g) and s10 MCA 1973 applies to 2 and 5 year separation petitions only. As this a behaviour petition, it doesn't apply.

"The divorce has been granted on his unreasonable behaviour & really quickly too I might add! "

freshmint Mon 17-Jan-11 12:24:49

ah saw mumblechums reference to separation and assumed that was the case

as you were!

Resolution Mon 17-Jan-11 13:14:19

Don't worry - people will have fallen asleep before they read this far

freshmint Mon 17-Jan-11 13:31:20

yup i think it is just you and me left (saddos)
<<puts away red book>>
<<eats biscuit>>
<<offers one to resolution>>

Resolution Mon 17-Jan-11 13:58:59

hob nob?

freshmint Mon 17-Jan-11 13:59:46

chocolate covered, no less

Resolution Mon 17-Jan-11 14:02:28


shiver down my spine.

freshmint Mon 17-Jan-11 14:33:19

<<fishes a chunk of disintegrated hobnob out of the bottom of the mug with a teaspoon>>

<<dunks again>>

<<returns to rather scandalous judgment of lykiardopulo v lykiardopulo>>

babybarrister Mon 17-Jan-11 22:26:08

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ddrmum Wed 26-Jan-11 16:14:09

Any hobnobs left??!!! Don't fancy the dunked ones!lol
Just had a rather (in my view) threatening email from his solicitors stating that it is unacceptable that I agree to refrain from applying for my DA 'for a short time'. I missed their deadline so we'll see what happens with that. Don't know why he's dragging it out - making me a bit nervous tbh.

Freshmint - married since Aug 2004, finally separated June 10. We have 3dc (6,3,2) who live with me and Cafcass have written a report which shows him in a rather unflattering light - it's spot on!!

Resolution - there was no appeal against the Decree Nisi.

I have a solicitors appt next week to go through Form E but have to try to compile what I need before then to complete it. I will need to refurb my old house so that we can move into that - more affordable and near family. marital home needs a redec so need to see how I can cover that. I've been covering all mortgage, utilities, c/tax etc since May10. Any ideas on this also very welcome!!

Thanks all for sharing your expertise smile

Resolution Wed 26-Jan-11 17:04:46

What is unacceptable is the way they are still sending this crap to you. I hope you're able to ignore it. It's alot of fuss about nothing. FFS, what does he lose? It's only so he'd get a widowers pension if you die before absolute. What a waste of time. Lordy.

Go on! Be naughty! Apply for your DA after - wait for it - 6 weeks after Nisi. You Devil you.

ddrmum Wed 26-Jan-11 21:24:04

Oooooh go on then Resolution, lol!!! I'll have a lovely one of those Decree Absolutes with a cherry on top! the biggest joke is that when I peg out, he gets nothing regardless of his status as everything goes to the kids (new will!) and will be managed by my trustees - just so happens they wouldn't give him the steam off their weegrin I think his sol are trying it on cos they think I'm self rep on the divorce as well as contact. TBH, the contact stuff was a no-brainer, cos Cafcass got him down to a tee, could've written it myself! the real fight will be over money cos he brought nothing to the table and wants half of everything I've worked for - certainly does not have best interests of dcs at heart!angry

Slugontoast Wed 26-Jan-11 23:51:15

IMO He sounds like a horrible little leech, Good luck!

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