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(5 Posts)
fairygirl3 Tue 28-Dec-10 17:48:57

my husband has walked out today,not the 1st time but definatly the last,i would like some general advice about what to do next/what my rights are.
We have 2 dc together and i have 2 from a previous relationship,The house i brought 3 years ago at the time it all had to be done in my name due to him having bad credit,it was my previous council house which i had lived in before meeting him so we got a large discount plus a large deposit was put down by my auntie.Would he now be entitled to half of the house or just half the payments made or half of the profit after my discount and aunties deposit have been took off?
I went back to work in may after my maternity leave finished foolishly reducing my hours to facilitate his promotion,meaning at only 8 hours according to i would only be £17 a week better off working this is before any childcare so i am going to have to resign and claim benefits as my job started at 6am so have no childcare.Does anyone have any experience of the mortgage intrest help you can get?
Onto access ,its probably best he left as our relationship had got terrible,to the point that he was become awfull to live with on several occasions he was heavy handed with me and our son to the point i phoned his mum in the hope she would talk to him about it,he smokes cannabis he says just once a week but i suspect its more,what are my chances of refusing him unsupervised access untill he tests clear for drugs and having visits at a contact centre untill then?
sorry about all the questions,its such a mess sad

nelehluap Tue 28-Dec-10 22:40:29

bumping this for you in the hope someone will see this and reply very soon...xx

Resolution Wed 29-Dec-10 00:30:06

House- I'd say the starting off poit is that you'd get the credit of the discount and your auntie's deposit, and the balance is what would be divided. Before you divide it however you must look at any disparity in income and earning capacity (it seems there is one)and that could lead to a further adjustment in your favour.

How long have you been married? How long were you a tenant for? How long did you live together prior to marriage?

I presume that it hasn't increased in value in 3 years anyway so you have a decent chance of keeping the house.

Don't know about benefits - the legal services comission recently slashed by a huge percentage (over 50% I believe) those funded to give welfare benefits advice. Speak to the LSC and they should be able to tell you where you can go for advice. Look at all options, including getting a different job with child friendly hours.

Contact - I'm concerned you say he was heavy handed with your son. How old is he? What did he do to him? This concerns me more than the drugs. If he's on the pot once a week I don't think it's that different to someone going to the pub and getting drunk once a week. As long as he does it when the children aren't around I'd say it's OK. Others may disagree.

fairygirl3 Wed 29-Dec-10 10:32:13

thank you resolution,
As the house has lost £15 000 in value after taking off my discount and deposit that would only leave £28 000 in the house with £37 000 mortgage left,so if you are right he will get nothing,not that i am gloating its just looking after 4 kids and not having a decent job like him ,my financial future is very unstable.
we have been married 3.7 years and together 7 years from start to now, brought the house 3.4 years ago,was a social housing tenant for 5 years (but not all in this house)before i met him.
I will look at getiing another job in the future but at the moment my youngest is still breast fed on demand very attached to me and i could not cope with putting her into childcare for at least 3 days a week,my mum also has advanced cancer and will be requiring more time from me which is another reason why i dropped my hours.
i would agree if the pot smoking was once a week but going by his behaviour i suspect its a lot more.He can be an ok dad and is always good with our youngest but our ds is 4 and his behaviour is quite challenging,we have always struggled to agree on parenting as he thinks smacking his bum is acceptable and the last few months has smacked him more often as well as pulling him around by the arms hard enough to bruise ,grabbing shouting at him etc.I spoke to his mum in the hope she would make him see how unacceptable his behaviour was,she told him he shouldnt do it but was up to him,this is the reasons why i am thinking of saying he is to have supervised access till he is free of drugs,as if i am right his increase in pot smoking links in with his aggression towards us or maybe he was just behaving like that because he had had enough of living with me.thank you for your help

Resolution Wed 29-Dec-10 23:52:28

Sounds like he should only have supervised contact - causing bruising is going way too far. Does he accept he has issues here and could do with some help - perhaps in parenting classes? Sounds like he has anger issues generally.

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