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Little advice please

(8 Posts)
Gonzo33 Mon 29-Nov-10 10:28:15

I am married to a soldier and we live abroad. On this basis the month before we were married (2 years ago) I was granted a Contact Order and a Residence Order (ex has a habit of not bringing my ds back after contact).

Up until summer leave there have been no problems with contact, however I have subsequently found out that my ex only has substantially less annual leave than contact time, and that he leaves ds with his elderly parents as his gf and children fight with ds to the point of ds coming home with ligature marks around his neck, etc. I have actively promoted contact between them, but I am now beginning to think that it would be better if the ex only saw ds when he, himself, was able to control the situation.

I also have ex's gf calling me, emailing me telling me that ex has put her through glass doors, etc and my ds telling me that Daddy and gf are fighting and he is physically hurting her.

I am so far away, and cannot make any applications to the court. I would say I would talk to him, but he would just scream like a petulant child until he thought he had his own way.

WestVirginia Mon 29-Nov-10 10:54:01

Ask the Welfare Officer for help.

cestlavielife Mon 29-Nov-10 12:08:45

it does not sound like the child's father is suitable to control the situation if he is a violent bully.

tell GF to seek help and report him to whoever the relevant person is in the mmilitary.

and dont let child go visit until this is sorted.

how old is gf's children? if your ds is being bullied by them then contact has to be stopped

Gonzo33 Mon 29-Nov-10 13:47:24

My ex is not in the military, therefore the welfare office will not be able to help. My ex's children are older than our DS (basically he got back with her after we split).

The only resolution that I can see (until I can get back to the UK) is that I insist that contact takes place in the country that we are based, thus forcing my ex into having our son away from his current familial situation and saving him from the car crash that is my ex's life. I have spoken to Social Services today regarding my concerns and they have said that they cannot do anything other than log my concern and act should anything happen next time ds is in ex's care.

WestVirginia Mon 29-Nov-10 13:57:38

If your current partner is a soldier and you are living in married quarters and YOU now need advice, then I would expect that the welfare Office would be prepared to talk through your problems and concerns with you. It cannot hurt to ask them for a chat.

scaryteacher Mon 29-Nov-10 20:34:21

Suggest you repost in Forces Sweethearts as the ladies there will have advice/know their way around the Army welfare system.

I would try the Welfare Officer first. and I think that there are specific Forces Social workers who could also be involved on your ds's behalf if necessary.

babybarrister Mon 29-Nov-10 20:35:02

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Gonzo33 Tue 30-Nov-10 12:21:52

Thank you everyone. I spoke with Welfare today who have advised me to speak to a solicitor.

Well, thankfully I have now found out where my original solicitor has moved to and he has been fully briefed. He has said that under the circumstances I am right to insist that contact only takes place in the country that we reside.

Thanks again,

Gonzo xx

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