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Friend's husband having affair. Can she

(23 Posts)
WinkyWinkola Sat 27-Nov-10 12:57:25

change the locks and pack his bags for him whilst he's in London shagging his mistress?

She says she can't as the house is half his and she doesn't want to make the divorce even more acrimonious.

If she did that, what could he do?

NormaStanleyFletcher Sat 27-Nov-10 12:58:32

If the house is joint she can't just change the locks, she is right.

HecateQueenOfWitches Sat 27-Nov-10 13:00:55

He could get a locksmith to bust the lock and change it so he can get back in.

WinkyWinkola Sat 27-Nov-10 13:16:30

Sigh. My poor friend. She has to watch him waltz off to London every week to be with ow and then he comes sailing back on Sunday nights. Unreal.

jeee Sat 27-Nov-10 13:17:59

At risk of stating the bleeding obvious, your friend needs to speak to a solicitor ASAP

HecateQueenOfWitches Sat 27-Nov-10 13:19:38

Yes, she can go to court and the court can order him to leave, or the house to be sold, surely?

LaurieFairyonthetreeEatsCake Sat 27-Nov-10 13:21:28

That's exactly what happened to me.

It killed me for 10 weeks - it was utterly horrible.

So I moved out - felt slightly better almost immediately. Until he then had her round there for the weekend and I had to clean up after them (as house was on the market)

Worst thing I've ever had to do.

DuelingFanio Sat 27-Nov-10 13:22:51

Has she actually confronted him?

If he knows she knows then she should be taking legal steps to separate. She can't change the locks though I would suggest packing his bags or at least move his stuff into the spare room if they have one!

LaurieFairyonthetreeEatsCake Sat 27-Nov-10 13:22:51

The court won't order him to leave - you are supposed to be able to live there together til the house is sold/assets are divided.

I was told that even if he fucked her on the rug in front of me "I could just go up to my room" hmm

Harsh but true.

WinkyWinkola Sat 27-Nov-10 13:23:07

Yes, she's doing all the solicitor stuff. But meanwhile, she's got to grin and bear it for her boys' sake and not make a scene.

She's hoping he'll catch herpes.

HecateQueenOfWitches Sat 27-Nov-10 13:24:25

She's very nice.

I'd be hoping he got syphilis...

mjinsparklystockings Sat 27-Nov-10 13:25:20

Message withdrawn

mamas12 Sat 27-Nov-10 14:18:40

She could be 'concerned' about her security being on her own and add bolts inside the doors to help her feel safer on her own couldn't she.
If he couldn't get in because she was in the shower or something that couldn't be helped could it.
Gather every piece of paperwork you need, passports bank details etc and keep them safe. Don't do any washing cooking etc for him, in fact he must have his meals in his room or out, don't make it easy for him

Leslaki Sat 27-Nov-10 21:54:08

mamas you beat me to it! I sent an email to my solicitor about how scared I was with him coming in to the hosue whenever he wanted and how I was terrified he would come in when I was asleep etc then got a locksmith round and changed the locks. He did scare me about coming in even though I always kept the doors locked with the key in the lock and the relief I got after changing the locks was amazing. he did go mental and threatened me etc etc but I wrote it all down as back up. If your friend "feels threatened" in any way she should change the locks. I left a bin nag of his stuff on the driveway - I was desperate and was terrified to do it but it felt great knowing he couldn't get in!! And yes - amke sure she has passports for her and DC and her wedding certificate so she can be the one doing the divorcing.

babybarrister Sun 28-Nov-10 18:34:20

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CarGirl Sun 28-Nov-10 18:38:31

If she didn't know that changing the locks was a no no then the police would frown on him breaking in and changing them again...........in all seriousness that is what happened to SIL her ex changed the locks and the police told her they would arrest her for breaking and entering!

PinkElephantsOnParade Mon 29-Nov-10 01:41:35

CarGirl - the police often don't know anything about the law, though.

Gonzo33 Mon 29-Nov-10 07:38:50

You cannot be charged with breaking and entering into your own property as far as I am aware. If she changes the locks and he is on the mortgage and deeds she will be in the wrong unless there are threats of violence and court orders are in place preventing him from being within a certain distance of her. Her solicitor should advise her on these matters.

I have been in her situation, except my ex was physically and mentally aggressive too, yet I could not get him out of the property. Thankfully we were selling up for the divorce and it didn't take long to go through.

Your friend has my sympathy, it must be an awful situation to be in.

PinkElephantsOnParade Mon 29-Nov-10 08:15:53

Gonzo - I am sure you can't be charged with breaking and entering into your own property.

CarGirl, the police probably said that to your SIL because they did not want the bother of attending if there was a confrontation with her ex if she broke in and changed the locks.

Mind you, they may well have arrested her and she would have had to argue the toss later.

Resolution Wed 01-Dec-10 14:55:59

Can I correct that? Under the Crime Act 1977 anyone can be arrested for using force to enter a property they are legally entitled to enter PROVIDED there is someone in the property at the time who doesn't want them to enter.

PinkElephantsOnParade Wed 01-Dec-10 16:48:54

So she needs to wait until the house is empty then, Resolution?

nocake Fri 03-Dec-10 08:50:55

If he is still living there then you can't change the locks. It's that simple. It's irrelevant if you don't want him to enter. He has a legal right to. It gets more complicated if he is violent or threatening but you haven't said that he is.

Resolution Fri 03-Dec-10 13:35:49

If you change the locks he can use force to enter, provided no one is in at the time. He could also apply for an order under the Family Law Act requiring you to allow him to enter, and provide him with a key. Much will depend on the judge, and whether he has actually moved out. If he hasn't moved out I think he'd be allowed back in. I had a case quite a few years back where the wife went abroad for a year, ran out of money, came back and found the husband had changed the locks. She applied for an order that she be allowed back in and was unsuccessful initially. On appeal she got the order she wanted. Your friend should be warned.

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