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Go for 3 or stick with 2?

(14 Posts)
ZigaZig Mon 11-Jan-10 14:36:48

So this is me: 40, in a stable marriage with 2 boys (6 and 4)and a husband who would love a third child. I, however, am not sure about returning to sleepless nights, nappies etc. Does anyone wish they had stayed at 2 instead of 3? What are the advantages/disadvantages of 3--especially with a 5 year age gap etc?

coolma Mon 11-Jan-10 14:40:30

Well, my experience is this : first dd who is now 19 with first h, then i met current h and we had a son who is now 9 - when he was 5 I unexpectdly found myself pregnant with dd2. Now she is 4 and they get on so well. dd1 is sort of out of the picture as she lives away from home, but she is still around and they all have a lovely relationship. I don't know of course what it would be like with smaller age gaps between the first two, but the 5 years gap seems lovely to me! Good luck with your decision. Oh, I was 41 when I had dd2 but that has never really been something I've woried about smile

ZigaZig Mon 11-Jan-10 14:44:41

So many people have said that early forties are still fine for having kids but I definitely don't have the energy levels I had 5 years ago...Thanks for your take, tho', coolma...

Frog253 Mon 11-Jan-10 20:15:05

I am almost exactly you if you have another one..found myself unexpectedly pregnant aged 39 (was horrifed) and gave birth again aged 40. DD was 6 and DS1 4 when DS2 was born.
Can honestly say that it's hard work, but I am not sure that my age has much to do with it, three young children are hard work whatever age you are. I am not sure that 30 year old Frog would have coped much better with the lack of sleep.
The upsides are that the other two love having a baby in the house and well it's lovely being part of a (very slightly) larger family.

xkatyx Tue 19-Jan-10 17:37:14

I would love another one , i have a son nearly 7 and a daughter nearly 4 .. i'm just scared 3 is a big step?? we would need a bigger car and we only have 3 bedroom's but all this considered i would really really LOVE another baby.

I also worry (i'm a big worrier) that am i pushing my luck? i have a son and daughter whol are healthy would i be pushing my luck asking for another?

i'm glad i'm not the only one who think's like this.


whizzylala Sun 14-Feb-10 22:31:38

OOh, I am totally with this thread! Have a healthy DD6 and DS4 and just had coil out for number 3 but getting cold feet! Have been desperately broody for about a year, have convinced DH to go with it and now am wondering if it is the right thing to do. I really cannot believe I feel like this after being so baby obsessed and jealous whenever any one mentioned they were pregnant.
Can't bring myself to mention to DH either as he took some convincing!
Think our gap would be a good one as they would both be at school. trying to think in the long run - big family = fun in my experience.
Wish someone could give me the answer!

tanmu82 Tue 16-Feb-10 19:09:50

whizzy I'm kind of in the same situation. DH didn't want a 3rd for years, whilst I have been on and off broody as hell. Then suddenly DH changed his mind toward the end of last year and we agreed to start TTC around June this year. I came off pill end of Jan and started the Folic Acid. Short of it is I am anxious now that I may actually be pregnant and I don't quite know how I feel about that. It certainly wouldn't fit into the ideas I have built up in my head about my next pregnancy and life with another child. But the other half of me is kind of excited that the decision may already have been made for me....and DH said just the other day when I said that there is a poss that I may already be pg, that he wouldn't am on my first ever 2ww and can't stand it!

Gap is a good one though as my other two are at school too....

lololol Tue 16-Feb-10 19:17:20

The sleepless nights and nappies are only temporary. Could you see a 3rd child in your family?

Personally, I have a 4yo and a 2yo and the though of having a newborn horrifies me. That's just me though! I don't think age comes into it, it's just how you feel. I am 10yrs younger than you, but the thought still horrifies me anyway!

tanmu82 Thu 18-Feb-10 12:35:07

For me, there has been sufficient time since #2 that I feel ready to have another pop at it. Though having smelled the ripe nappy of a friends (admittedly cute) baby, I did wonder if I could cope with going back to the dirty nappies thing - but somehow your own baby's are never as bad as someone elses....!

My DC's are so excited at the thought of having another brother/sister....

MillyMollyMoo Fri 19-Feb-10 18:17:29

Well I am going to have number but if I could go back in a time machine and didn't know how lovely DC3 is, I would stick at 2.
I had a lovely 4 year old and 22 month old when DC3 came along and if I'd known then 9 months earlier I wouldn't have gone there.
Our lives would be so different now, so so much easier, plus my eldest ended up needing private education at the age of 8 and will do all the way through to 18 I suspect and what you do for one you want to do for the others.

Am now pregnant again and recently went on holiday with a plane full of babies and spent the whole holiday thinking shit what have i done.

ZigaZig Mon 22-Mar-10 20:57:45

Wow - so many interesting responses. Thank you all.I would love to say that my situation is resolved but far from it.

As I explained,it was my husband who was really hankering after a third child, whilst I was on the fence. So I decided to go to some counselling last year to sort out whether I really wanted a third. I decided on balance to go for it. I fell pg almost immediately but m/c at 11 wks. Despite feeling elated at falling pg, within weeks I truly wondered what we had got ourselves in to. And yet...over 6 months down the line I am still unsure whether we should stick at 2. I think the whole process of my husband wanting another has made me think about that possibility when I had been happy with 2 initially. I feel slightly annoyed about that(perhaps unjustly so) because now when I look at my 2 children I see another one tagging along behind them. Except he/she's not there - just a figment of my imagination...and for all those fleeting images, do I really want to go back to sleepless nights? Do I really want my husband (of almost 50) to be a father of 65 to a 15 year old? Is that fair??

gotmunchies Thu 28-Oct-10 05:13:14

Hi zigzag smile

bumping this post. I've posted about same kind of dilemma previously. Have DD12 and DS10 years, so larger age gap. We have flip flopped about having another dc the last five years!! shockShould have bloody well just got on with it.

Wondered if you had made any decision if you don't mind me bringing this subject up again? grin

MUM2BLESS Fri 29-Oct-10 21:41:10

Got four would have gone again but after chatting with hubby, he kinna made me look at things differently.I changed my mind. I loved being pregnant. It took a while for me to get use to the idea of not having another. Gave up work just before my 12 year old son was born.

6, 9, 12 and eldest 15 in December. I have moved on. Started childminding in 2008. I childmind 4 and will take a fifh on shortly.

As the kids get older you have to kinna use different techniques.

If you want another one you both have to make that decision not anyone else. We can advise you but you know your situation better than we do. You do not want to look back wishing you had..

Hope that helps grin

Haribojoe Tue 07-Dec-10 12:36:43

Have just had DC3 13 weeks ago (now have 3 DS).

DS1 5 soon to be 6, DS2 3yrs and then baby.

For me going from 2 to 3 hasn't felt very different and to be honest nothing much has changed.

Both my older boys love having a baby around, we have had no jealousy and they both love showing him off when we are out and about.

I would say that this time I have really felt that whole starting all over again thing, as in getting up in the night, not going out with no kids in tow etc.

Having said that I am totally smitten and I love having 3 kids.

And yes I must be totally mad because I'm pretty sure that I'll go for number 4 once DS2 has started school!

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