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should I have another DC

(10 Posts)
goldieandthreebears Wed 04-Nov-09 16:16:19

Hi all, I've been lurking on MN for ages. This is the first time I am starting a thread.

I have 3 DCs aged 8, 7 and 4. 4 weeks ago I had a miscarriage after an unplanned pregnancy. I was shocked finding out that I was pregnant again, but got round to it and was looking forward to another baby. since this miscarriage I can't stop thinking about babies, pregnancy etc. The problem is I would love another baby, but I am not looking forward to the toddler stage. Also I am worried how a new baby would affect my DCs, ie less time with them, school work, activities, holidays etc. To complicate things further I am no spring chicken (almost 39) and DH not keen at all, but I think I could convince him. The thing is, I am not too sure myself!
Any advice much appreciated

darydork Wed 04-Nov-09 17:50:20

hiya goldie, sorry about your MC.. im not going to be able to give you much advice TBH but im in a similar situation to you in that i already have 3 dc's 7,6 & 2, i was so shur that my family was complete until back in July i had a false alarm and thought i was pregnant, i was horrified at 1st but when i discovered i wasnt pg i was really disapointed, i came off birth control that same month and am into my 3rd cycle of TTC, i have very similar anxieties to you in how another baby would afftect my other dc's, and also if my patience would withstand 4 dc's, im in a serious tug of war with my mind, one day im certain i want another and the next im thinking 'are you crazy girl'!! but after 3 months the longing just wont go away so im just going for it now, ive decided that i dont want to get to 40+ and regret not having 1 more, im 35 by the way so not too far behind you...

Sorry i know i havnt exactly given you any advice above but your post just caught my eye, good luck with your decision

Conundrumish Wed 04-Nov-09 20:50:28

I am in an almost identical situation. 3DCs, middle one is bit younger as is youngest one. I had a pregnancy that wasn't unplanned but the result of one night of 'let's see what happens', not thinking that anything would happen.

The pregnancy ended and like you I am haunted by concerns about existing 3, about my age, and about the early days (not toddler days), but I can't stop thinking aboutg it. No advice, but very much look forward to your replies.

Conundrumish Wed 04-Nov-09 20:51:53

Sorry, I didn't say sorry to hear about your mc.

I am 44 - so age even more of a factor with us.

elizarose Wed 04-Nov-09 22:33:56

Its awful the way nature plays these tricks on you isn't it. I skipped a period in april and was sure that I must be pregnant but of course I wasn't. Ever since that I have been thinking about it. And as I posted previously age, family and everything else would be against me. sorry to hear about your losses. Its hard to cope with miscarriage. As someone said before it takes the innocence out of pregnancy.

goldieandthreebears Wed 04-Nov-09 22:34:57

Hello everyone, thanks for all your replies.

I was happy and settled before this miscarriage. Was not broody at all and was actually sorry for people having babies! But now the pregnancy hormones seem to have woken up the baby part of my brain!

I wish I knew the right answer...

Good luck to everyone

Conundrumish Thu 05-Nov-09 16:33:03

Exactly Goldie. 6 months ago I felt very sorry for a friend of mine having her fourth soon, but the baby part of my brain has awoken too. DH calls it the animal part of my brain as it totally defies logic.

MillyMollyMoo Thu 05-Nov-09 19:06:44

I always send the toddler to the worlds best nursery from 2.5 until starting school, frankly it's the only way I can cope and has worked beautifully with my last three, even if it's only for the mornings it's the difference between good mummy and grumpy mummy I found.

mollybob Thu 05-Nov-09 19:11:57

had mc in april and gave it 4 months but still wanted another - and here I am 11 weeks with DC3 - not exactly the same but kids are 11 and 8 and until mc did think I was finished

I was advised to give it 6 months to see how I felt but only managed 4!

no answers x

goldieandthreebears Thu 12-Nov-09 13:31:27

good luck with your pregnancy mollybob.

the advice to wait for 6 months seems very sensible, but I really feel I am running out of time.

I never envisaged having babies in my 40s and there are only 14 months left until my 40th.

MillyMollyMoo, I totally see your point and at 2.5 they are sooo ready for some time with other toddlers! All my three were at nursery at that age

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