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best age gap between two and three

(21 Posts)
slushy06 Wed 04-Nov-09 14:01:00

Says it all really was just wondering as I think I would like third in the future ds is 3 dd is 4 months and was wondering what you ladies found to be the best age gap.

Fruitbatlings Wed 04-Nov-09 14:03:37

I've no idea. Who gets a choice anyway?
I wanted 2 years difference but got 4 years. My body obviously didn't fancy a two year age gap.
Four years is great btw smile DS1 old enough to understand sharing Mummy and Daddy

throckenholt Wed 04-Nov-09 14:09:14

I wasn't planing on 3 - but ended up with a gap of 20 minutes between Ds 2 and 3 grin.

Not the type of gap you were thinking of probably.

slushy06 Wed 04-Nov-09 14:09:41

I liked the 3 year age gap as ds goes to school in the mornings giving me time to clean and give dd attention.

So was just wondering if people could give their age gaps and positives and negatives of that age gap so I can decide what would suit our family best.

Although I agree you cant plan these things was just hoping to plan it down to six months if possible.

slushy06 Wed 04-Nov-09 14:10:59

Bit too close for me I think throckenholt god you must have been so shocked.

throckenholt Wed 04-Nov-09 14:13:54

hmm - I think that came out a big wrong - I did know I was having twins from about 12 weeks (the first mention of them was a shock though ).

Generally though - the bigger the gap the more the children are likely to live in the same house but not necessarily interact very much. I have only 18 months between my 3 and find they play together most of the time. Friends with bigger gaps, and a gender mix say that they tend not to play together much and coexist more.

slushy06 Wed 04-Nov-09 14:58:47

I had thought you meant you were expecting one and got two on delivery day grin.

thatsnotmymonster Wed 04-Nov-09 15:05:59

16 months between 1 and 2 and 21 months between 2 and 3.

So at the moment they are 4.75, 3.3 and 1.5.
It has worked well for us but it is hard work. It was good not to have to do the school run with a newborn- dd2 was 4months when ds started nursery and even then it didn't matter if we were late/didn't make it occasionally.

Now it all runs like clockwork and I enjoy the older 2 being at morning nursery together while dd2 sleeps, then we all hang out in the afternoons. DD2 is starting to join in playing with the other 2 now and they have a lot of fun together.

onemoretimetoday Wed 04-Nov-09 15:12:43

I have 3.5 between 1 and 2 and will have 4 years between 2 and 3. I think that these gaps are great. My kids both play together really nicely, we had no jealousy issues and I never had 2 babies, double buggy etc. I think that the 4 years will be great too. In the medium term they'll be close enough in age to play together but again, I'll not have 2 babies. I am currently getting my 2 to make their beds, get themselves dressed, big one to get his school bag ready and to take more responsibility around the house. We'll also be able to consider private secondary as the gaps mean we will only have 2 in secondary at a time, 3 sets of school fees wouldn't be an option.

I will also be able to afford to return to work PT as will only have to pay childcare for one as I already work school hours.

I imagine the downside will be that they may not all be into the same things ie shows, days out but that's an easy enough bridge to cross. My 2 are terrible sleepers and I anticipate another bad sleeper so my sleepless nights will go on a lot longer than those with smaller gaps.

darydork Wed 04-Nov-09 18:23:05

hi, i have 3 dc's and TTC #4 at the mo, there is 14mths between my 1st 2 who are now 6 & 7, i have to admit that when they were babies i found it an extremly stressful time as #1 was a very difficult baby/toddler,so i personally def wouldnt choose that gap again, there is a 4yr gap between #2 & #3 who is now 2yrs old and i have to say im very glad i waited, dc 1&2 are both in school until 2 & 3oc each day leaving me plenty of time to spend with dc3 which i never felt i did with 1&2 as it was such a hetic time, the older kids adore the youngest and really help me out watching her & playing with her allowing me to get jobs done if need be.. if i am lucky enuf to conceive a 4th time there will be roughly a 3yr gap between #3 & #4 which will present a bit of a challenge im shur for school runs but im shur il get around it somehow..

slushy06 Wed 04-Nov-09 19:01:21

I have to wait till dd is at least 12 months anyhow as I am anemic and my iron levels need time to rise. I do like the age gap between my two as ds spends 3 hrs at school for me and dd to bond and then me and ds get time when he comes home.

Also he is old enough to adore his little sister and be all protective but not to old to play with her. Just don't know if I will be as lucky again as so far there have been no downsides with this age gap.

Thanks ladies for the experiences so far they are helping me to make a decision. I am not sure I could handle the two under two without going insane.

It may seem to soon but being the control freak I am I like to think ahead grin.

dary one ahead of me sadly I have only just managed to -pressure- persuade dp for no 3.

slushy06 Wed 04-Nov-09 19:02:19

Damn my strike through failed let me try again to get it -right-

slushy06 Wed 04-Nov-09 19:02:59

now

slushy06 Wed 04-Nov-09 19:03:26

grin

juuule Wed 04-Nov-09 19:03:30

16m between dc2 and dc3, 15m between dc3 and dc4. I enjoyed it. They all played together once they got old enough.

sweetkitty Wed 04-Nov-09 21:44:02

18 months between DD1 and 2 and 2 1/2 years between DD2 and 3, personally I prefer the 18 month gap, hard at first but they are so close and into the same kind of things, theres going to be 22 months between DD3 and DB4 as well.

MillyMollyMoo Thu 05-Nov-09 19:09:39

If I could have all my time again I'd have the min of a 3 year gap, anything less I found exhausting but I like my sleep and have a 6 year gap this time grin

slushy06 Thu 05-Nov-09 19:28:53

I also like my sleep. I also wondered if I did do a short age gap would dd be closer to dc3 than to ds as there is a 3 and half yr gap.

NellyTheElephant Thu 05-Nov-09 22:45:56

I have 24 months between DD1 and DD2 and 26 months between DD2 and DS. I planned a 2 yr gap and was lucky enough that things worked out as planned. The main down side was the prospect of about 6 and a half years of uninterrupted nappy changing (as it happened I did manage to get DD2 out of nappies before DS arrived, but that only gave me a couple of months off before starting again!). I really wouldn't want to have to have a double buggy as they look as though they must be such a pain. I think with a gap of less than 2 yrs it is difficult to avoid the necessity for a double buggy.

It was extremely hard work for the first 3 months or so after DS was born, but it's all settled down now (he's 7 months).

You may not be able to choose exactly when you want DC3 to arrive, but you can choose when to avoid - and I would say make sure you avoid timing the next one to arrive any time too close to when your DC2 starts school / nursery, a few months before or after that time is fine though.

You can't really guess at who is going to be closest to whom, e.g. my mother is one of 4 and is closest to her youngest sister (10 yrs younger), you could find the same - i.e. the oldest and youngest end up closest, you just never know, so I wouldn't let that influence you too much.

sanfairyann Thu 05-Nov-09 22:52:13

3 years between no2 and no3 and it's ace - close but not too close. 6 years between me and sis - we never knew each other beyond her primary age sad

PotPourri Thu 05-Nov-09 22:59:39

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