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Larger families

how does a NEW BABY impact on family life when there are much older children too?

17 replies

noonar · 30/10/2009 16:32

hi. this is a kind of spin off from another thread of mine, but with a more specific question.

when i first had my 2 dds, now aged 5 and nearly 8, being a mum of tiny children defined my very existence. i felt that there were lots of things i couldnt do with them in tow, and at times felt a bit claustrophobic doing the whole 'toddler group circuit.'

my dds are now very independent, caring and helpful. and family life is fun.

but i want another baby.

would my dds benefit or feel neglected?

my quetion is, will a new baby fit into the groove of existing family life, or will she/ he take over to such an extent that my life is once again defined by being being a mum of a baby?

i feel that i would be more relaxed this time round. and i wouldnt have a baby and a toddler to contend with this time.

sorry if i sound negative, but i did have some post natal stress before and want to be realistic.
any advice?x

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sarah293 · 30/10/2009 16:35

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noonar · 30/10/2009 16:46

riven, hi. thankyou so much for replying. i dont know your situation, but i have considered the possibility of not having a healthy baby. i am 37, so a slightly older mum, i guess, in terms of medical definitions. life is full of unknowns...

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noonar · 30/10/2009 16:47

just realised the time. have to go out, but will check in later x

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sarah293 · 30/10/2009 18:32

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noonar · 30/10/2009 20:34

thanks riven.

i'm starting to feel that it might be the right thing to do.

i've just been out with dh and the girls and we bumped into a colleague of dh's. he was with his dw and ds. then after a few moments, 2 other dcs that i didnt know they had wandered over. i must admit i felt a pang of envy for them and their larger family.

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LongStory · 30/10/2009 20:37

Our constraints are harder as there are two babies, and thank God they are very healthy. But, this year the impact of babies on the rest of the kids:

holidays have been minimal / tricky
days out have inevitably involved DH not me
pick ups to later events such as cubs, evening parties are impossible when just one adult's home (although we have good contacts with other parents, and often there's another adult around)
school run takes on another dimension
meal time discipline heads for the hills

On the other hand,

I've been off work for 8 months (yippeee! said the kids, said I)
we've been more home focused, local and routine-y, and strangely they've all loved that stronger structure
the babies and children love nothing better than interacting together, and fill up their hours with love etc
we've all become laptop and internet experts together!

I was worried that giving up a bedroom each would be an issue, but my son hardly seemed to notice and actually asked to share with his brother. They've never once complained about the restrictions imposed by two little babies, to my amazement. Not sure this is normal.

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LongStory · 30/10/2009 20:38

Oh, I have DS9, DD7 and DS4.

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noonar · 30/10/2009 20:55

thanks, longstory. you sound busy but very happy.

i think that partly i'm worried about days out, holidays etc and doing things that appeal to everyone.

day to day, i'm lucky as dh works from home alot and is somewhat underemployed . so... lots of help but not much income.

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LilyBolero · 30/10/2009 20:58

Our kids were SO happy when ds2 was born - ds1 was nearly 5, dd was nearly 3. They LOVED having a baby, and didn't bat an eyelid at the sudden constraints on their lifestyle (temporary though). We're now expecting #4, ds1 will be nearly 9 when it's born, dd will be 6.9, ds2 will just have turned 4. We told them this week, dd was SO excited, and ds1 was thrilled, he just kept shaking my hand and saying 'Congratulations mum!'. They were all jumping around in excitement!

I'm sure there will be issues when they can't do some activity or something because of the baby, but our experience is that the baby is exciting enough to compensate.

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noonar · 30/10/2009 21:02

congratulations, lily. your family sound lovely.

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elvislives · 30/10/2009 21:30

Ah, when you said "much older" I thought you meant like our age gap- 15, 17, 19 and 21 when DD2 was born

IME the new baby fits in with the others, and not the other way around.

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cakeywakey · 30/10/2009 21:36

I'm the youngest of three, my siblings are 7 and 9 years older than me. We all had a great time when I was little, they used to love helping to look after me and were my first 'teachers', helping me to be way ahead by the time I went to school.

We moved in different worlds when they were in their late teens and early twenties (and they hated being expected to babysit so that Mum and Dad could go out), but now that we're in our 30's and early 40's, we couldn't be closer

The only major complaint I've really heard was that having a new baby after a big gap threw the family finances out of whack for a few years. Oh, and cutting up desserts into five equal portions can be a real bugger!

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noonar · 31/10/2009 08:22

elvis, youre right, i shouldve said 'older' not 'much older'.

cakey, i think that the financial side of things will be tough for a while. certainly during the first year, till i go back to work. then there's child care...

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