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Is it going to be OK to talk about being a Poly here?

(189 Posts)
Iamapolytoo Sun 30-Aug-09 10:32:28

Is it going to be OK to talk about being a Poly here? (FFMM quad with children).

I got sucked into a thread elsewhere in Mumsnet but it didn't seem to be going anywhere, in fact it got quite nasty. sad

It isn't clear to a newbie like me where more unusual lifestyles get discussed

MrsMattie Sun 30-Aug-09 10:33:37

What's a Poly? Someone who is one of several wives?

FlamingoBingo Sun 30-Aug-09 10:34:32

I'm so sorry, I don't know what a poly is blush or FFMM quad!

Please elaborate!

Although I am shock that you have been made to feel unwelcome on MN just for not being the 'norm'.

kidcreoleandthecoconuts Sun 30-Aug-09 10:35:24

What do you mean by poly exactly? I'm just being nosy blush I personally think you should be able to discuss what you like within reason of course. But you must understand that there will always be people who do not agree with what you are doing or how you think regardless of what it is. smile

vinblanc Sun 30-Aug-09 10:36:10

I am assuming that it means a 'marriage' made up of two men and two women.

SausageRocket Sun 30-Aug-09 10:39:28

I'm not sure you'll find many others of your persuasion here. I don't mean that in a funny way, just that it isn't a mainstream lifestyle and so statisically speaking you are prob best off finding a specific 'poly' forum for your more specific stuff.

Of course on MN all parenting 'types' are welcome just you may find it difficult to have discussions with other polys on here, because I'm sure we have any! Hey, you could start a new trend on here. LOL

MrsMattie Sun 30-Aug-09 10:42:14

SausageRocket, what's your husband like, then? Maybe we could join up and make a quad? wink

Sorry. bad joke.

All welcome here, IamaPolyToo, but agree with Sausage - not a huge amount of 'Polys' here, I wouldnt think...

SausageRocket Sun 30-Aug-09 10:44:03


FlamingoBingo Sun 30-Aug-09 10:46:22

I have a few couple friends I wouldn't mind making a poly with, but I don't fancy any of the husbands. Would just enjoy sharing the parenting with another SAHM!

Do you just live together, commune-style, or do you all have sex with eachother too?

Please ignore if you don't want to answer questions! I'm genuinely curious though.

Iamapolytoo Sun 30-Aug-09 10:49:26

I wasn't planning to focus on the Poly aspects of my life except in as far they caused me to have a larger family. I was more keen on the coping methods people used with larger families.

As an example there are far more ladies than men living in the house (all the children count as adults now) and I wondered if other people had also found this a bit tricky at times. As in hormonal for a start wink

SausageRocket Sun 30-Aug-09 10:52:05

Well I am outnumbered by boys (me, DH, 2xDSs and 1xDD) here so hormonally speaking things aren't so bad but we do have a massive case of the 'can't be arseds' a lot of the time as DS1 is 17 & DS2 is almost 16

FlamingoBingo Sun 30-Aug-09 10:52:12 girls are all small still - only one set of female hormones to contend with at the moment grin

So how many of each generation are there in your household then?

TheDMshouldbeRivened Sun 30-Aug-09 11:21:28

How do you know who fathered the children? Being nosy here.

Iamapolytoo Sun 30-Aug-09 11:27:53

Polys are like Heinz soup - we come in many varieties.

Think of 2 married couples except we live as a four rather than 2x2. Hence the concept of co-husband and co-wife.

Our children, 3 all girls, are grown up (all over 21) but not moved out yet. Sigh.

TheDMshouldbeRivened Sun 30-Aug-09 11:29:55

you are going to get lots of curious questions you know grin

expatinscotland Sun 30-Aug-09 11:31:29

Since when is 3 children a large family?

benandalex Sun 30-Aug-09 11:34:26

how does it work exactly blush do you all share a bed or what im nosey and i bet i not the only one lol

Iamapolytoo Sun 30-Aug-09 11:48:19

As I said I wasn't planning to focus on the Poly aspects of my life except in as far they caused me to have a larger family.

Seven adults in a house does pose some issues and there must be someone whose has words of wisedom on them.

I love the idea of a housekeeper but know nothing about what they would expect to do as opposed to what I might want them to do.

I am floundering in a sea of "lets try and see how it works out" rather than "I tried this and it worked."

bamboostalks Sun 30-Aug-09 11:52:48

What exactly do you want to talk about? Is there a particular problem? Or do you just want to start a discussion on polygamy? If that is the case, I do not think that this will end well. Most of us probably think that it is a strange and unsavoury lifestyle choice but each to their own.

lou031205 Sun 30-Aug-09 12:01:49

On a practical note, I can't see how it would be any different from a traditional family set up, tbh. You have 3 children living at home. They need to muck in, or move out. How you divide the running of the house between the 4 adults is down to negotiation and respect.

Do seven adults in a house pose issues? You might need to clarify what is difficult to get advice.

Mamazon Sun 30-Aug-09 12:05:14

im not so keen on people talking for the masses. whilst i agree that there willbe very few people who will have some expereince of a poly relationship im sure there are people who can give you advice on living with other adults.

you will however get lots of nosey questions (mostly from me probably) as it is a fasinating and unusual lifestyle choice.

I have to ask, you say your living as 2 couples but im assuming its more like 1 4some rather than 2 couples? how exactly does that work? do you have two double beds and rooms and just swap about or 1 huge bed?

have you lived like this for some time or is this a relativly new development? and if its new how are your children taking it? im assuming as you say they are older they are fully aware of what the situation is.

and apologies if any of these questions are rude - im sure they are actually - but i just can't help but ask.
as i say, i don't come across such situatins very often and i find it all quite intrguing

TheDMshouldbeRivened Sun 30-Aug-09 12:31:20

job rota? I have 2 teens and they have to muck in with the funtioning of the house.

Iamapolytoo Sun 30-Aug-09 13:28:43

#1 problem is I am getting worried about is the "empty nest" syndrome which some people find very very traumatic.

The girls will be off sooner rather than later and I thought some advance thoughts and warnings might be helpful to everybody here.

sorky Sun 30-Aug-09 13:30:21

rota for everyone I would think.
I admit I'm hugely curious of your lifestyle and agree with Mamazon it's all rather intriguing...

sorky Sun 30-Aug-09 13:33:51

Hmm I see. I think that'll have to be played by ear as I'm not entirely all women suffer from it.
For instance my MIL was so traumatised by her eldest going to Uni (my Dh) she developed Lupus!!

My mother couldn't wait to get rid of us and actually didn't wait for my brother to return from holiday before she moved house 45 minutes away.

Do you think the fact that 4 adults in the house will ease the shock or add to it? Are the Dd's all your own? Are they all planning on leaving at the same time?

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