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Help - Teenage Daughter doesn't want another sibling!

(6 Posts)
sherlynn Fri 14-Aug-09 00:58:42

Hi there, 1st post but I've been lurking for sometime. We have 4 children at the moment so not really a "Large Family". 3 of our children came to us by birth, the 4th through Adoption. We have just applied to adopt our 5th child.

Our oldest daughter has told us that she is embarrassed at our current family size and certainly doesn't want us to be a family of 7. This has nothing to do with her younger sister who she adores. She really is struggling with the fact that we are not the "norm".

We are should that adopting another child is right for our family. There is a very large gap between 3 and 4. 12 years between our teenager and her younger sister.

Anyone else been in a similar situation? We're not going to pressure her or ask her to lie to our SW. But we do know that life for her in 2 years time will be very different from now, and family size will not even be on her radar. Everyone else in the family is in favour of us adopting our 5th child.

Any advice???

Thanks - Sherlynn

juuule Fri 14-Aug-09 08:02:58

How old are the children?

danthe4th Fri 14-Aug-09 10:37:13

Is she 14 by any chance!!! My eldest dd is 14 and says if we have any more she is going to grandmas,and she means it. We have dd1 age 14 dd2 age 12 ds3 age 7 ds4 age 4, I am 42 and am considering another which the 2 older girls have picked up on. dd2 wants another and is offering to do the night feeds (very tempting) I think its just the age and they are considering more how it will effect the taxi service and their own lives than anything else. She has been watching that recent programme about teen mums and she just doesn't fancy the disruption in the house.
Go for it, I suppose a lot depends on the age of the child you will adopt,but she will be part of the process and no doubt will come round to the idea.

Hollyoaks Fri 14-Aug-09 10:41:19

I can't offer any advice sherlynn as dd is only 18mo but I just wanted to say how lovely it is to hear from people who have adopted and its lovely that you are considering adopting a second. Maybe you could tell your teenager that you would like a child that is closer in age to the littlest one so she has someone to grow up with.


sherlynn Wed 19-Aug-09 00:03:56

danthe4th - My daughter is nearly 14!!! I've discussed it with her again the other night and it seems that she is just embarrassed by the size of our family. She's quite shy and doesn't want to stand out at all. I do feel it is just teenage angst and that she will grow out of it - hopefully! But preparing to discuss it with our SW as I'm sure she will say how she feels.

Our other children are 11, 9 and 18 months. As time goes on we are very sure that it's the right thing for the whole family.

Thanks for the feedback and support.


Anonymumandlikeit Wed 19-Aug-09 00:19:20

I wa 14 when my youngest db was born.

I think 14 is a very tricky age.With time I am sure she will grow to love the latest child (there were only 3 of us and was biological child)

I think lots of talking to her and getting opinions.

14 a tricky age.

I am quite close to little db now.

SOunds like teen angst but you need to be there and explore her views.Was uselessself centred sis in teenage stage but would do anything for littlest db now

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