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dp has said tonight catergorically no more

(10 Posts)
InaSpin Thu 09-Jul-09 23:19:57

Am feeling sad and unsure of my next move. we talked some months ago about discussing it when ds2 starts school next yr, but tonight he just came out with "i dont wont any more". Im shocked as he had previously said about discussing it next yr. i was going to apply for uni for 2011, but told him recently that i dont want to because if i do, it'll take me 3 - 4/12yrs to qualify, plus a yr or two to build skills, by which time Ill be about 34. before ds1, we had all manner of problems, 4mc, PCOS...Im worried that if i did that it may prove too late I wouldnt be having any more children, but not by choice.

now by saying this hes really put a spanner in the works, my heads all over the place and Im not sure we will survive as a couple if this is his view. I would really love 3, possibly(big possibly) 4, but no more than that, but not 2.

ahh gawd, im not thinking logically and Im devestated

has anyone been in the same position?

LaurieFairyCake Thu 09-Jul-09 23:23:03

How much do you want to apply for uni?

Are you saying you'd rather be a mum than do any more development of yourself?

Is it really a deal breaker - how much do you love your dp that you would choose an unborn child that doesn't exist over your flesh and blood partner who has given you two lovely children?

Sorry you're upset though.

InaSpin Thu 09-Jul-09 23:27:46

no im not saying that, I want to go back to uni, but my point is that uni can wait, TTC has time limits.

I dont know if we can survive as a couple if dp thinks this, I think I would feel slightly resentful

Northernlurker Thu 09-Jul-09 23:32:15

Come on, you don't have to have all the answers to this tonight. Obviously you are at odds now but give yourselves some time. Your view may change and so may his. It isn't over till it's over. It sounds to me like you've got at least 15 years in which you might expect to get pregnant. Maybe now isn't the right time but a no today doesn't mean always a no and anyway, impossible as it may seem, you can live with your situation as it is. Two healthy children is a lot more than some people have and if that is the number you end up with, well that's a still a family. You may love more but you can't force him to want children that he doesn't want iyswim. You could do a lot of damage forcing the issue - just leave it to time and trust you'll both change.

LaurieFairyCake Thu 09-Jul-09 23:33:19

Well yes, but there's a world of difference between 'slightly resentful' and leaving the father of your two kids hmm

Do you want sympathy or slapped with a wet fish - cos I'm more of the fish type grin

Someone who has a maternal instinct may be along in a minute mind.....

LaurieFairyCake Thu 09-Jul-09 23:34:27

<wipes brow>

thankfully NL has more sympathy.

tobago04 Fri 10-Jul-09 12:42:35

My husband and i always said we might have 3 then last year we were having a clear out and he said we were'nt having anymore and said we should get rid of the moses basket etc now this year he's changed his mind! Don't get upset over one discussion,he might have been having a bad day,i agree with northernlucker,you've got a family and it must be a happy one if your wanting another dc,good luck!smile

BottySpottom Fri 10-Jul-09 17:10:51

Don't panic yet. I know and understand that dreadful feeling of broodiness and have found that as our youngest has got older and life has got easier, my DH has become more inclined to have more. Keep communicating, but try and keep it calm (for now!).

ReneRusso Fri 10-Jul-09 17:29:57

My DH said "no more" about 3 or 4 years ago and now he wants another. Infact he is now more keen than I am on #3. Our youngest is now 7. We have been TTC for several months now and perhaps have left it too late. I'm 38, but you are very young and 34 will probably not be too late for you. You would still have a fair chance. It is upsetting when you don't agree on something like this, but it doesn't have to cause the break up of your relationship, that is a bit drastic. I was initially devastated but I got over it (long before he changed his mind). Keep talking about it. Also, I'm sure you would not regret going to uni.

Loopymumsy Sat 11-Jul-09 21:40:27

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