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So scared I won't cope with 3?

(21 Posts)
luckywinner Mon 06-Jul-09 13:56:33

I am about 6 weeks pregnant with number 3. My other dc are 4 and 2.6. I am absolutely terrified I will be unable to cope with 3. I feel like I have made completely the wrong decision by getting pregnant (it was planned).

I feel nervous, anxious and terrified. I suffered with depression with both my other dc and now they are both at school/nursery for some of the week it was like I was getting a bit of my life back. Now I feel I am going backwards and that it will be a little like being a first timer all over again.

I know this all sounds a bit strange since I have said it was planned but I feel like reality has just started to hit me and I am scared.

Loopymumsy Mon 06-Jul-09 20:33:27

Message withdrawn

luckywinner Tue 07-Jul-09 15:46:09

Thanks Loopy, I feel a lot better today. I had a big sob to dh last night and it has made me feel a little less stressed.

I am just not good with newborns. I find it so claustrophobic. But you are right. It is a small part of their lives that doesn't last forever (although at the time it feels like it does wink)

I am definitely going to get one of those wraps. I had a baby bjorn before and it was hopeless.

PfftTheMagicDragon Tue 07-Jul-09 15:54:31

Yes you will be busy, yes you will be tired and yes it will be an adjustment at first. Accept this. But also remember that those first 6 months will fly by. They did with baby 2 didn't they? Didn't you wonder how on earth you found the time to marvel at DC1 for hours?

You are also more experienced and confident with your parenting skills, and you will adapt, because you just do smile

disclaimer: I do not have 3 children. Am considering it though. grin

SoupDragon Tue 07-Jul-09 15:56:20

You will cope because you just do. Life may be chaos but you do cope

My pouch sling was the best thing I had for 3rd born BabyDragon as she would sleep in it whilst I got on with life and dealing with DSs.

tobago04 Tue 07-Jul-09 17:07:48

Hi everyone,really feel for you luckywinner,know how you feel,just started trying for no.3,we always said we wanted 3 but did'nt seriously think about it until hubbie suggested we try,so now we are i'm getting a bit scared! I'm still excited as im due on on the 11th but know if i'am theres no going back,also my dd[2yrs] had the biggest tantrum today when dropping off my eldest dd[4yrs] at nursery cos she could'nt take her brolly in,she just threw herself on the floor! Will have to sort her out before a baby comes along!There are a few mums at my dds nursery that have 3 and they still look quite sane! just try and think about why you wanted another and stay positive!

luckywinner Tue 07-Jul-09 20:17:37

You are all right, I will cope, because you have to. But yesterday the fear got the better of me. I just worried so much that I was doing the wrong thing for my other 2 dc. And that I was being incredibly selfish but wanting and having another baby.

I go from being rational to irrational, excitement to terror. I am putting some of it down to hormones but maybe there is some merit in what Loopy said about having a bit of antenatal depression.

nickschick Tue 07-Jul-09 20:26:49

Let me tell you its normal to feel like this.

I did.

I have 3 sons and I cope - you will too.

Its just fear of the unknown at the minute,I cried for a whole day on holiday because it was our last with our 2 sons and by the next holiday this 3rd unplanned baby would be there too,we had to spend lots of money to accomodate this baby I stopped work we moved house it seemed this 3rd baby had upset it all.

I worried about crossing the road I can only hold 2 hands....I worried about biscuits coming in a 5 pack -how much everything was going to cost.

Then he arrived this unplanned baby.

And hes now 8 and is adored and loved beyond measure.

Tummum Fri 10-Jul-09 22:33:21

Hello

My (unplanned) DC3 is 10 weeks tomorrow. I had AND through pregnancy, I was so terrified of labour and not being able to cope with 3 DCs and having to give up my career. I also didn't want a DS after having 2 DDs.

The reality has been that it has been FAB. I found that I had forgotten that babies are soooo much easier than toddlers. They survive being left for a bit whilst you sort out the older DCs. The first couple of weeks were a bit of a baptism of fire, but now I really couldn't imagine life without DS1. My DDs love him so much, I am even considering another... (haven't told DH this yet...)

HTH

fruitshootsandheaves Fri 10-Jul-09 22:41:54

the first is a shock
the second is a shock as you have to juggle the first
the third just fits in around the chaos!

You have had them all quite close together so it will be lovely when they are older and all play together.

I wasn't good with babies either, I never liked that bit much and found it really hard, but looking back it only lasted a really short time.

tobago04 Sat 11-Jul-09 16:53:28

Hi luckywinner how are you doing? i'm on cd28 and am just too scared to do a test!Obviously want it to be positive but am getting quite nervous!

NellyTheElephant Sun 12-Jul-09 19:55:26

Hi, try not to get too worried about it - you WILL cope, you just will!! I have 3 (aged 4.5, 2.5 and 3 months). I found the transition from 2 to 3 undoubtably the hardest, much more difficult than going from 1 to 2. I think I was definitely suffering from some low level PND, (feeling much better now though). But suddenly in the last few weeks everything has really started to fall into place and I am beginning to actually enjoy the chaos and I'm so happy that we went for the third, I feel like my family is complete somehow. DS is an absolute joy and the girls adore him. It is tough - the first couple of months are a bit of an endurance exercise to be survived as best you can, but you'll manage and then it all starts to be wonderful I promise! I second the sling advice and also get a carrycot (I bought a phil and ted's cocoon which you can get separately from the pushchair - I didn't need a double buggy) and it was a life saver to take to friends' houses or have around the house with me for him to sleep in wherever.

muppetgirl Sun 12-Jul-09 20:18:22

Hi!

I have just had ds 3 (last Monday so 6 days old) and had worries just as you do. I had severe pnd with ds 1 and saw a psychologist for over a year. Ds 3 was planned and very wanted but I did/do have moments when I thought -what the heck have we done? We were on an even keel and really enjoying family life.

My boys ages are ds 1 -5 and ds 2 -20 months (and also a non-walker at the moment)

What we did to help;
-After delivery with ds 2 I had a pessary to regulate my hormones called cyclogest. It was prescribed for 3 days and is designed to help prevent the dip on the 3rd day. I have had it again with ds 3 for 5 days. My psychologist recommended this.

-Both my elder ds's were around to meet their brother and spent the first couple of days with him and they then went to stay at grandmas for a week to give me time to sleep, establish breast feeding (I had a c-section so my milk came in later and I am unable to properly care for ds 2, the non-walking 20 month, by myself as I can't lift him)

-I have help starting next week. Our babysitter is helping out with ds 1 going to his mates to play, days out and taking ds 2 to nursery.

-I have said YES to any help offered and made sure there were jobs they could do. My best friend came yesterday and sorted out the boys rooms for when they get back, made their beds and tidied + did some washing. This helps so much.

-Try and identify what form your depression takes if any. Do you have triggers? Mine is anxiety based and I clean like mad when anxious and I get very stressed with untidiness. Dh knows this and we have devised systems to help us both, eg we leave a washing basket upstairs which I sort the laundry, he then takes it downstairs and puts it in the machine. I put the clean, dry washing in another basket downstairs, he takes it back upstairs.

-SLEEP -dh gets home at 7ish and I go to bed at 8 (we did this with ds 2 and are starting to do this again) he feeds ds 3 a bottle at 10pm (formula/ebm) and then I do the rest. This enables me to have 4 ish hrs sleep and then another 3 ish. Sleep is important for me as I literally can't mentally function without it.

-I also have a sling, a hugabub. I can't use it at the mo but after 2 weeks I can and will be all the time! Ds 2 loved his.

You will cope (I keep telling myself...grin) but ask for help when you need but keep talking to those who can support you about how you feel.

Good luck!

luckywinner Sun 12-Jul-09 20:18:47

Aww, all your kind words are making me feel a bit tearful, in a nice way, although I could blame my pregnancy hormones wink.

Fruitshoots, I like the way you have put it. We were at a friend's house today and my ds was playing with their dd and he was so lovely with her it brought a little warm glow to think about the new baby. Wow now I really am getting hormonal!

Tobago, I am feeling much better, thanks for asking. Its lovely to know people are thinking of me. I was feeling very alone with it. Have you done your test yet? You must let me know.

tobago04 Sun 12-Jul-09 21:22:40

Yes i did a test this morning which was negative but i wee'd past the arrow which it said not to so don't know if i that makes any difference? Did'nt sleep all night worrying about doing too! On cd29 so will see! will test again Wednesday i think hmm

KEAWYED Mon 13-Jul-09 22:01:18

My DS3 is 9 weeks old and I have a 5 and a 2 year old.

Im loving it, I panicked so much and prepared for the worst and it hasnt been like that hes just slotted right in.

The hardest thing is the school run but ive [almost] found it beneficial as it means im up and ready and out the house instead of at home eating biscuits blush

Good luck its not put me off no.4

keeload Tue 14-Jul-09 03:18:23

Hi luckywinner

I like you are expecting number 3 (9.5 weeks) planned, ever now and then i get this feeling of omg im gonna have a baby and then panic kicks in, how will i cope with 3, where will i find all the time, i need sleep or im compleatly bonkers, body and brain shuts down!! my boys atr 5 and nearly 4, 14 months between them, i remember those years as a blur and not really enjoying it. even though i have 2 boys i dont really like babies, i like it when they get past that. i hate the feeling of doubting myself all the time, (i do this all the time with a baby) and i keep thinking what have you done!! life is just taking shape, i work, oldest in school, youngest starts in september and i have finally clawed back a bit of freedom and normality yet im about to loose all of that again.

will i cope, who knows, dont get me wrong im glad that im having a baby, we decided to try and 6 weeks later 2 lines, i guess i thought that i would have longer to get used to the idea. i know how lucky i am for it to happen that quick as it took me 4 years to get the first with medical intervention and a mc, so like i said im happy, just so scared that i could cry at times..... or is that the hormones???

Help me, i just need to know that others feel the same and that im not a really really bad peerson for feeling this way. panic striken!!!!!

2HotCrossBunsAnd1InTheOven Tue 14-Jul-09 11:37:34

I am also expecting DC3 and having moments of panic. I have 2 DSs - just 4 and 2.3. 2 weeks to due date so reality is beginning to bite! I feel I can't really talk to DH about it as he was not that keen for a third and he will just say that it was what I wanted etc etc.

I too am hoping that DC3 will just slot in and, at least, it's the summer holidays and we don't have to be anywhere at any particular time. By Sept when DS1 starts school I'm hoping that things will be slihtly less fraught... although by then the sleep deprivation might just have finished me off!!

Anyway - nothing can be done about it now and I'm sure we will all cope as we have to, as someone rightly pointed out! Plus once the baby gets to 6 months things get easier-really not that long in the grand scheme of things...

gardeningmum05 Tue 14-Jul-09 11:49:05

i have 4, and during each pregnancy i panicked that i would not be abe to cope, especially when i was expectind DC4 as there was only a year between him and DC3. 18 months down the line and it was a doddle, even working part time wink
trust me, you will do just great grin i believe routine is the key to it though, particularly the school run and teatime/bath/bed time

KEAWYED Tue 14-Jul-09 22:02:12

The best thing I done to make life easier was to accept everyones help.

My friend done the school run for me for the first couple of weeks and I just made time for me and the children it was wonderful taking the pressure off.

When I had DS1 and DS2 I felt I had to be able to do everything and didnt take any help,
It wore me down and I didnt enjoy the beginning nearly as much as I have now.

Slickbird Mon 03-Aug-09 22:49:08

Do you know, I got pregnant last year VERY VERY UNEXPECTEDLY and my 2nd DD was only 9 months and I spent the entire pregnancy shitting myself and wondering how I would ever cope. Now, he is here, 4.5 months, and he is a little piece of heaven (although he does throw up on me a lot...wink) and I wonder what I would have done without him. And on top of that his sisters totally love him and I can see that the two youngest are going to hold the same interests for such a long time and sometimes when I sit and read to the wee ones I just feel so happy and proud because I think, "here I am! I'm doing it and I'm coping and it's fab!" I feel proud that I have had three and that we are all muddling along the best we can. Yes it is tiring, I won't lie, and it is hard work, but you know what, it GOES SO FAST that you can see that any of the hard bits won't last.

I bet you will be fine and you'll manage great and like someone else said, I think it's totally normal for you to feel like this. You may also find that with so much else going on, it keeps the third quite entertained. I find that the 2nd and 3rd aren't as demanding as the first as there are others to play with. Really wish you all the best with it. smile

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