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TTC but something awful happened at the weekend and now having doubts

(14 Posts)
tummytickler Thu 11-Jun-09 13:22:07

Hi all.
I have posted an extended version of this but thought i would get some views from those with larger families.
We are ttc no5, but on Sunday we had a disaster!
We were out at a Springwatch do at our local park (a huge park surrounded by woodland)
and whilst there I lost my 3 year old dd for 25 minutes.
I literally turned around to tell dh i was taking dc's to look at some stalls whist he stood in line for pakora and when i turned 'round she had gone and stayed gone for 25 minutes. Dh and i ran around frantically calling her. park rangers were looking too.
She came back by herself because she was thirsty, not upset or scared or anything.
I am now seriously doubting my ability to look after my children, and maybe i shouldnt have anymore.#
If you were in Stanmer Park near Brighton on Sunday I was the crap mum running around screaming for her daughter sad.
I dont know what to do now. The full story is on parenting, but i would really value advice from you lot!
I have never had anything so awful happen in all my life.
I just feel shit sad

sweetnitanitro Thu 11-Jun-09 13:32:10

You are not a shit parent. I used to leg it all the time when I was a kid, my parents had the police out a couple of times as well. Like you said, you only turned your back for a second, it could have happened to anyone. You could always put her on reins in the future if she has a tendency to wander off or if you are averse to that you could arrange a buddy system with your dcs so they help to keep an eye on each other (depending on how old they are), would either of those help to put your mind at rest?

Don't let it put you off having another, no one is perfect. You are obviously still really upset about your dd wandering off so it's probably difficult to think straight atm.

nessus Thu 11-Jun-09 13:51:11

Please don't be too hard on yourself. I can't even imagine how petrified you must have been nor the thoughts running through your head during those 25mins.

Your DC is safe and if anything she sounds like a well anchored child to feel able to go off exploring and to know she can come back and you will still be there. YES I realise you need to look at establishing boundaries for her after what has happened but please do not feel that you do not deserve to TTC because of what happened or that your hands are already too full.

p.s I may not have a large family myself but I come from one so hope you don't mind me commenting.

tobago04 Thu 11-Jun-09 15:03:17

Don't be too hard on yourself,bet it's happened to everyone,i lost my 3yr old when out shopping,only turned round for a second and she was gone,she'd walked out of the shopping centre,luckily i found her after about 10mins but it felt like an eternity! and i've only got two!!

KathyBrown Thu 11-Jun-09 22:38:11

How old are they ?

I wanted 4 under 5 and it didn't happen and I am glad in lots of way it didn't. However I've had a good gap and a break and am ready for number 4 now so bring it on.
Everyone has a story like yours and if they don't they are lying even parents with one child.

MumHadEnough Thu 11-Jun-09 22:40:07

You're so not a bad mum. I only have one and I've lost him for about the same length of time!

Go on, you know you want too wink

Shitemum Thu 11-Jun-09 22:44:03

I think it's irrelevant how many you have or want to have except that statistically the more you have the more likely you are to lose one at some point...it's not bad parenting, it's not your fault.

What a bloody nightmare for you tho', you must be having an adrenalin hangover now...

galen Sat 13-Jun-09 19:28:52

Pleas eodnt be so hard on yourself. These things happen. We lost DD3 on a ferry once, only for a couple of mins, but it was tyhe most terrifying feeling so I know how you feel. It really doesnt make you a crap mum, and the fact that it upset you so much shows that. Yes I suppose the more children you have the gretaer the chances of one going astray...but it really could happen to anyone. My friend lost her 3 yr old in town the other day for about 10 mins, and she only has one!
I wouldn't let this incident on its own sway your decision re TTC.wink

GaribaldiGirl Sat 13-Jun-09 19:52:45

I don't think you should be too hard on yourself. i lost my daughter for 15 minutes in a crowded park when i only had 2 children. it really taught me a lesson and have been much more careful since. I think you learn by mistakes don't you? I'm now expecting number 5. my friend who has 4 took her eyes off her 15 month old daughter for 10 seconds while we were having lunch in a pub and she shot OUT OF THE DOOR AND ONTO THE ROAD. she was incredibly lucky there was no car coming. It made her nearly sick with guilt/horror for days. She won't ever do it again I bet - and neither will you.

mummy2many Mon 15-Jun-09 11:45:09

You are being very hard on yourself, I have 7 kids and they have all wandered off at one time or another - I think they do it to test you!
Last Saturday we were at a small gala in our local park and my 4 year old girl kept wandering off, there were three of us watching her to see where she went to next. I had to tell her in the end that if she didn't stay put then we'd be going home, that did the trick wink

mrsjammi Mon 15-Jun-09 11:50:44

Message withdrawn

alysonpeaches Thu 18-Jun-09 22:05:40

I must admit with 4 there are times that I avoid doing things with all the lot of them!! I have to admit though the 2 year old is the worst of the lot of them and I keep joking that we need her on a lead.

Im sorry your day out was spoilt, it must have been a real panic, I have got wound up if I lose sight of them for a minute. Youre not a crap parent, but I dont know what the answer is. The older two I do try an approach similar to mummy2many above, (eg these are the limits, if you dont stick to them no ice cream at the end / or we have to go home early). I have even considered these bugging/tracking devices. Has anyone got one?

chipmonkey Thu 18-Jun-09 23:22:01

Relax! You are not a crap mum. Some children are just wanderers.
I was 3 and an only child when I went up the path away from our house. On a corner at the edge of the estate, I noticed a path through the grass. It looked like a fascinating path to follow and I wondered where it would lead. So I followed it.
As it turned out it led to the footpath on the main road. I knew that footpath. It was the one we took when my Mum took me "down the town"
So I decided that I would go "down the town"!
I kept going in that direction and after a while noticed that a neighbour was following me, we'll call him John Smith. So I said to myself "Oh, there's John Smith" but didn't wait for him, I just kept going.
But John Smith was walking very very fast and he soon caught up with me. He told me that my Mammy was Very, Very Worried about me and that we should go home.
So we did!
And I will re-iterate, I was an only child!grin Keep ttc!

tummytickler Sat 20-Jun-09 22:57:03

Thank you everybody!!
I think we are over the shock of it now!
We are still ttc, but dd is still nightmare. She just doesnt listen to a blardy word anybody says - just wants to do her own thing - very independantly minded, and confident, which will stand her in good stead as an adult but is currently terrifying us!
She has a big impact on the rest of the family as she will just do what she wants and does not care if she is removed from the room, refused sweets etc! she is adorable (look at my pics - she looks like butter wouldn't melt!) - we are hoping we can find a way through it - our discipline methods just dont work on her and we are a bit stuck, hoping she will grow out of it - but she is very hard work indeed (also has a habit of telling (or shouting) whatever comes into her head blush.
she gets lots of one to one time with us (esp me).
<sigh> - i just dont know.
But - we are still ttc!
thanks again ladies - your stories have cheered me no end!

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