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Squabbling siblings - any tips on promoting team spirit?

(8 Posts)
swanriver Sat 06-Jun-09 23:29:27

I have three kids - 2 seven year olds and a 9 year old. I am SAHM. They are all after my attention. How can I give it to them, and value them individually whilst encouraging them to work as a team? We do lots of outdoor activities, but find that around home there is less harmony, even with dh around to help (ie: weekends). He says he notices it when he takes two out (perfect behaviour) three (catfighting) - and it doesn't matter which two it is!
Anyone solved this problem or is it constant work in progress for large families?

KathyBrown Sun 07-Jun-09 12:12:49

Have another baby, I'm hoping it's a three thing so we're going to have two each DH and I and keep rotating them see if that works lol

swanriver Sun 07-Jun-09 17:36:20

No 4 not possible though would love another. TBH I was one of four, and my little brothers were ALWAYS fighting, whereas my cousins who were three were much more team like.

KathyBrown Sun 07-Jun-09 18:15:19

Well there's that plan scuppered then lol

peanutbutterkid Sun 07-Jun-09 19:00:17

I fine them 10p (all sides in any dispute), dock computer time and threaten to cancel outings if they don't stop fighting.

Siblings Without Rivalry book is good, but only scratches the surface.

swanriver Sun 07-Jun-09 21:27:21

I suppose I'm asking if there are any positive ways of pulling families together, ike I suppose a teacher would in school grin
the obvious ones are of course mealtimes, playing games together, but anyone have any other theories or strategies?
Will try that book peanutbutter thanks.

supagirl Mon 08-Jun-09 09:29:50


I too have been pondering this. We have 4 and one on the way ranging in ages from 1 to 10. With the older 3, one always seems to be excluded and it is never the same one. They can say some really spiteful things to each other and sometimes it's hard to resolve. Naturually we punish this behaviour but it doesn't really get to the bottom of the problem. The oldest in particular has become very mean spirited recently :O/

WE use an individual reward system at the moment, but I have been thinking of introducing a "group" one, where they get rewards for sharing voluntarily, resolving conflicts without hitting etc and the rewards would be family days out.

Has anyone tried anything like this with any success?

I will be keeping an eye on this thread to see what others do......


peanutbutterkid Mon 08-Jun-09 18:43:25

DS1 + DS2 were playing Lego racers today.
It was nominally DS2's allocated puter time so DS1 was being extra nice to him hmm.
DS2 screams pretty frequently whenever DS1 threatens to bomb him or otherwise get ahead.
But by their standards, it was a fairly peaceful play session, so I gave them extra time at the end for "playing nicely".

Wouldn't it be nice if there was a competitive 2-player computer game they could play where they had to help each other, say against a computer-generated team of 2 players. Wouldn't that be cool, does it exist does anyone know?

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