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Can't stop thinking about number 4 even though I know it would be insane

(25 Posts)
pramspotter Fri 05-Jun-09 11:30:28

DH and I have three dc already age 8,6, and 4. The little on starts school this year. I should be looking forward to having some peace during the day but all I can think about is how much I'll miss having a little one around. We had a m/c awhile ago and I decided not to try again but now I want another one so bad. DH is fine either way. He likes the idea of a 4th child but he is okay with it if I don't. He is always so chilled about everything.

He works fulltime, I work very part time and we have no family at all nearby. My oldest has AS. It will get a lot harder if we have another but we enjoy the dc so much. My parents will think I'm crazy. But I really really want another and I can't stop thinking about it! I am so afraid I'll make a huge mistake.

Are we mad? Why am I so broody?

gardeningmum05 Fri 05-Jun-09 11:42:14

we have no family what so ever to help, dp works fulltime, i work part time and happily bringing up 4 dc. ages are 11,9,2 1/2 and 1 1/2.
really enjoying it, loads of fun. very hard work but the rewards are worth it.
go for it girl wink

PlumBumMum Fri 05-Jun-09 11:45:56

Just want to watch this thread I have 3 and yougest is 2.7, shes potty trained etc so I think why would I want to go back, but on the other hand I think I would love to be pg again and bf again, ohh I don't know....

psychomum5 Fri 05-Jun-09 11:49:52

it isn;t insane, it sounds completely normal to me (altho I am biased being mum of fivewink).

think of it this way, imagine yourself in ten years with your three. could you see yourself with four?? or, could you see yourself regretting not having the fourth??

that would be your answer, and blow what anyone else thinks. this is your life and only YOU know if you can afford and cope with a new baby.

plus, this of the scrummy teeny starfish hands, the snuffly newborn squeaks, the smell of their teeny head, the sticky-out-bum stretch they do when you lift them up......<<making myself broody>>........

pramspotter Fri 05-Jun-09 11:50:50

I also worry about the fact that if anything happens to us there is no one to take the kids. My family is all abroad and useless anyway and DH's mum is dead and his dad is very very old. I just worry about stupid things all the time but I really want to do this. It's not like we get nights out or anything at the moment anyway. We have always enjoyed having a baby and children around.

Gardeningmum05 I am glad to hear from you. Sometimes I think we are the only people who have a biggish family and no extended family around at all.

PlumBumMum, I know what you mean. My youngest goes to school in september. When I have days off during the week I will have the house to myself etc. Do I really want another messy and destructive toddler about? Maybe I should get a hobby LOL.

I have been driving myself crazy over this for ages.

pramspotter Fri 05-Jun-09 11:52:28

I know I would regret it psychomum5 if I didn't do it, but I still don't know if if I should.

I do love those messy and destructive toddlers though!!

gardeningmum05 Fri 05-Jun-09 11:55:53

no use worrying about things you cant change pramspotter.
when i am off work i always have the youngest 2 with me ans we have no family support, and yes, it is hard work sometimes. on the other hand on the extremely rare time i am alone in the house, i hate it! maybe i am just odd but i like having them around me. blush

we very rarely get out as a couple, but because of this appreciate it all the more when we do.
go for it, if in your heart you know its right for you and your family wink

psychomum5 Fri 05-Jun-09 12:15:05

I think you do want one then, if you are very honest with yourself. the doubts stem from what is expected now that your youngest is almost off to school............well, thats my opinion at leastwink

pramspotter Fri 05-Jun-09 12:29:33

I think you are right. Other people keep telling me that I am mad to consider it now that I am about to get some "peace". My own parents are very much a part of the two and no more brigade and they nearly stroked out when I had number 3. I still get snide comments about that.

Jaquelinehyde Fri 05-Jun-09 12:38:40

I currently have a 4yr old, 3yr old and a 2yr old (in 2 weeks).

DP and I both want a fourth badly, I cant stop thinking about it.

Our main problem is that I am just finishing the first year of a 3 year degree, so timing is very important. We either try and conceive October time, so that the baby would be due at the end of year two break. Or we have to wait until I finish Uni all together.

I say for you go for it, if it really plays on your mind that much. If you don't try you may regret it.

gardeningmum05 Fri 05-Jun-09 12:40:53

it doesnt matter what other people say, bugger them!
and as for your parents, it isnt their decision or life angry and they dont appear to help you anyway.
i know mums that love being at home all day in "peace" and they love it, its just not for me, but then we are all different thank goodness grin
do whats right for you and your family and stuff everyone else wink i am sure you will give it alot of thought and whatever you decide good luck grin

gardeningmum05 Fri 05-Jun-09 12:49:08

Blimey jaqueline..hats off to you wink
3 under 5s and a degree, well done, you put the rest of us to shame blush

pramspotter Fri 05-Jun-09 22:17:51

Jaquelinehyde I am working on a second degree as well right now. But I can take a break from it and go back later. I don't know how you do it with kids as young as yours. Mine are a bit older. I could barely dress myself when I had 3 little ones under the age of 6.

Sometimes I just think it would be nice to have a baby to enjoy rather than the chaotic nightmare we had when I had 3 all relatively close together. It would be nice to be home with the baby while the older kids are at school.

pramspotter Thu 11-Jun-09 10:30:40

We have decideded to go for long as I stay off the cigs (easily done when I want a baby). Yay!!

alysonpeaches Thu 18-Jun-09 22:11:06

I manage with 4, just. The eldest, 6 also has ASD and ADHD. The others are 3 1/2; 2; and 8 months. You will manage too. I thought my first was the most difficult. At least when you get to 4 you dont have to worry about daft things like you do with your first, like the germs on the living room carpet or should I wait another hour before feeding him... Its more intuitive the more you have. You also know that most things arent a big deal.

PlumBumMum Thu 18-Jun-09 22:13:01

Good luck pramspotter, We're going to leave it a while

BottySpottom Sun 28-Jun-09 20:11:44

Good luck Pramspotter - you lucky thing!

Bmum1 Tue 30-Jun-09 22:39:18

I have four by default - all boys 5 1/2, 3 1/2 and four month old twins. It's great and although we never wanted more than three, I am really glad now that we ended up with four.

Good luck whatever you decide.

KEAWYED Fri 03-Jul-09 23:06:21

I really want no.4 DH told me today its just not going to happen.

Have spent the day in tears and then he has the audacity to ask WHATS WRONG?

It's not something you can get over quickly And everything on TV tonight involves babies. sad

whereeverIlaymyhat Sat 04-Jul-09 12:58:52

They don't et it do they ?
We've had IVF to try to get number 4 and I was told by a nurse to think myself lucky when I was told it failed, unfortunately it doesn't dilute the longing.
Have a hug, maybe buy a puppy that's what I've done for now.

KEAWYED Sun 05-Jul-09 08:11:10

He said that if I only had 1 he would understand but he can't because we have got 3.

Last night he said that he had been a bit hasty and would consider it in a year or 2.

Thats fine by me I told him I might not even want anymore then but with the options held open I feel more calm.

I can't believe a nurse said that to you!!!

I have a choc lab whos nearly 3 think i'll go insane if i get another.

We are off to knowsley safari park today to enjoy he children we have got and to try have a fun day instead of the shitty few days it's been.

Sorry for hi-jacking this thread.. smile

insywinsyspider Wed 08-Jul-09 13:41:51

I'm going to hijack slightly but for 3+ children how big is your house? we have 3 and live in 3 bed house, can't see us moving anytime soon and I'd like 4 but I can't work out how we'd sort out the practicalities of it all - rooms, sleeping arrangements, cars, holidays... how do you do it??

KEAWYED Mon 13-Jul-09 22:04:11

We have a 3 bed house but all big bedrooms. id convert the attic f needs be we can get 2 beds and 2 wardrobes in each room.

insywinsyspider Tue 14-Jul-09 17:21:53

we can't convert attic but i did see post bout triple bunks n like that idea! we have 2 big-ish double rooms n 1 small one... ds3 is only tiny so will see,can totally fit 4 babies/toddlers in its when they r teenagers i'm worried

KEAWYED Tue 14-Jul-09 21:58:15

I know what you mean I'll be a house full of big smelly teenagers haha maybe I should stick at 3.

My DS3 was inaugarated[sp] at beavers last week and it got me thinking that if I do have anymore then I would be missing out on doing things with him so maybe we should stick at 3.....

Theres camps and barbeques which would be hard to go on with tiny ones so i would have to miss those experiences with him. decisions, decisions.

The house is only a 3 bed terraced and I am always moaning about it. I do want to move but its MONEY.

I feel like im ready for a big change but i'm not sure what.

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