Talk to me about having 3 kids......(17 Posts)
I have 2, 19 months apart and will be 40 next year. We want to go for no.3 but I wondering if we go for it, with another smallish age gap or leave it for a while. What will make it more manageable in your experience???
Pregnancy no.1 I found easy peasy.
No.2 I was crippling tired.
I have three and DH and I both have two sibs each. I think it's the hardest number and I personally would have rather had any number rather than three. There's always the odd man out and the dynamic of oldest, middle, and baby. The gap between my first two is three months shy of four years. The gap between two and three is two years and three months. As far as how the children relate to one another, how much energy I have had, etc. I don't see the gap size as being really influential. I like the larger gap a bit better though because going through school it doesn't seem that the younger is so much in the shadow of the older sib, IYKWIM.
I have 3 with the youngest (DS) being only 4 weeks old (and DD1 = 4, DD2 = 2), so probably to qualified to talk much on the subject. Being pregnant with 2 others was really really hard work, and I got SPD this time and didn't with the others. Bear in mind that your body is already knackered from previous pregnancies.
But I have found moving from 2 to 3 kids far easier than 1 to 2. DD1 is good at keeping DD2 entertained, and they are both quite helpful e.g. fetching things when I am feeding DS, and love having a baby about the place.
see now tub of lard I hear you about the dynamic however my 3 have an interesting range - I have BGB and they pair up in different ways - ie 2 oldest, 2 youngest, 2 boys.
I was relieved that DS2 was a boy for that reason or feared DS1 being left out. Would have had 4 if we'd started earlier (maybe).
wrt gap OP, I would always go for smaller gap for lots of reasons. Your age is in favour of smaller gap I would say (I was 39 when DS2 was born btw, not having a go!).
Mine are 2yrs and 22mo apart and I found that really good. 19 mo is going to make it hardder I guess. I find (found) 18mo to 2.6 the most testing year (esp with DD who was really really, ahem, challenging then; she's lovely now)
Pregnancy number 3 left the most impact on my body, gave me varicose veins etc. I sailed through the other two. Part of me loves having 3...but it's bloody hard at times too. I have a large gap between dd (13) and ds(8) ds 2 is 6. It does always seem to be 2 against 1.
It depends completely on what your other children are like.
I found 1 to 2 harder tan 2 to 3 and DS3 luckily has fitted in just nicely.
For us the jump from 2-3 was massive. There are two of us and 3 little ones wanting hands, cuddles, attention all at the same time etc.... Had 3 under 5 when 3rd were born.
I think it depends on so much though, age, support, mths between 2nd and 3rd and even the sex of the children.
Personally I don't like the odd number and stangely feel strongly that having a fourth may be the way to even things out and all will become calm again.
DS3 was the most worthwhile risk we ever took, so, IMVHO, go for it!
I had DS1 aged 37, DS2 12 months and 10 days later, and DS3 last year aged 42.
I have had 1 induced VB, 1 CS, and 1 spontanous VB - all ok/great delivery experiences.
Physically I was ok, apart from some pelvic pain about half way through all 3 pregnancies. I have also had 4 early miscarriage, so am VERY grateful for my 3 monsters.
DSs 1 and 2 are phantastic big brothers, and DS3 hero whorships them. I always liked the idea of a little pack of children roaming around together and am considering trying for No4 .
I know Clary, will no doubt turn into an expencive feel ing.
new car, new house! etc etc
(well that's the minimum we would need with 4 )
phew am glad to see a few of you have said 3 is hard
I have 3 years gap between my 3 dd2 and dd3 nearly to the day!
I feel my family is definately complete with 3 and both ds 7 and dd1 4 love dd2 1 but i have found having 3 quite challenging. Although many others with 3 or more i seem to speak to don't think so.
However i never felt complete like i do now with 2 so do what feels right for you!
I have 3 with 21 months between the first 2 and 9 and 7 years between them and DC3 (who wasn't quite planned!). He's 2 now, and a fantastic wee chap, but it has certainly changed the family dynamic. We've kind of gone back to square one, whereas all our friends (who we've known since DC1 and 2 were little) are past the baby stage and are able to travel more, do the kind of hobbies they enjoy, go out for evening meals, that sort of thing. We're also paying hideous (p/t) nursery fees, so are suddenly down £500 each month which has made a big difference to us.
I'm feeling a bit tired and overwhelmed with family life at the moment, and am finding 3 quite tough. Not sure if less of an age gap would have made a difference - it's hard to tell.
We're going for 4 as I too do not like the dynamics of three children.
The whole world is geared towards 2 children and 2 adults if I could do it all again I'd have stuck at 2.
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