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Should I go for number 4?

(16 Posts)
mzb11 Wed 20-Aug-08 11:41:45

bit of a new girl to all this but stuck in house in the rain! I have 3 boys 10,8 & 18 months. After latest baby I was desperate to try again for all sorts of reasons but mainly didn't feel finished & worried about him being lonely. Miscarried in February (for the sixth time but that is another story) However school hols have been testing & the gap has shown massively & now I don't know if I should be happy & blessed with what we have or turn myself into a mad, stressed beyond belief woman with no time for anything. Also have our own business and need to get back to working hard as things have slipped since no 3 was born. Husband says he will support my decision but I feel he is more against than for, he also has his own company so not at home much during week. And I only just have time to squeeze one in before I am 40! Feel a bit frightened of making the decision & it being wrong. Has anyone else experienced this. Also have to let go of the chance of ever having a daughter which is hard.

simck Wed 20-Aug-08 11:48:27

Hi mzb11, I am in exactly the same situation. Can you send me your email address? I would love to email you about this.

Peachy Wed 20-Aug-08 11:48:58

Well can only offer my experience

I have 4 boys; 7 and 8, then 5 (but with sn so 3 would be more accurate) and 4 months

DH was against for ages but changed mind; we wouldn't have another though, well In would he feels too old now and I respect that

Not havng time for anything? Don't see why not. I mamaged to be Sec of the PTA and wrote a dissertation and sat finals with ds4 a newborn. But it does dep-end a lot of organisation and also what you're prepared to let go- if your home has to A1 at all times then you will find it hardrer obv.

Peachy Wed 20-Aug-08 11:49:56

Oh and the crucial bit- we adore Ds4, han't been that much extra work (my cathphrase is that after chaos there is only.... more chaos wink) and we're so pelase we went for it.

simck Wed 20-Aug-08 11:52:11

ok I will go for number 4 and blame Peachy if is all goes pear-shaped!! grin

mzb11 Wed 20-Aug-08 11:59:59

sorry simck, not sure how to email you without the world finding out my address, any wisdom?

simck Wed 20-Aug-08 12:01:45

I'll take the risk

MissPitstop Wed 20-Aug-08 20:34:53

I have DS1 (9), DS2 (8) and DS3 (1) and decided to go for No 4 because of the age gap I didnt want DS3 to be left with no one to play with once DS1&2 were older and because I didnt feel finished. I agree with peachy about adding more chaos, I childmind and can often have 7 kids running around. Our house feels kinda strange when we only have 2 or 3 kids! I am now PG with No4 so will be able to let you know how much more chaos there is next year!

KatieDD Wed 20-Aug-08 22:33:56

I'm the complete opposite I have three daughters and they are quite close in age, still deciding on number 4 but I am more concerned she/he would be alone as there would be a min 6 year age gap.
I think you have to follow your heart in these things.
Is it a girl you want or another baby full stop ?

struwellpeter Thu 21-Aug-08 23:05:20

There was a good article in the Telegraph today on larger families. Someone may be able to do a link to it. I was really pleased that all the positives of larger families were given as some people go on about the cost, car sizes, saving the planet etc.

I think children from larger families do turn out quite well balanced. Whether this is because they have to be more independent because they can't have the same level of adult input as an ee wee chick, or because benign neglect just suits children, I don't know. If you're the sort of person who likes to run your childrens' lives I wouldn't go for it. If you think you can provide a loving and stable home for another completely different character to find his or her way in, then go for it. But expect a lot of washing and unless you are really lucky, sibling squabbles.

Ceolas Thu 21-Aug-08 23:10:17

When deciding to have number 4, I reasoned that I'd never regret having her, but might regret not...

TheDuchessOfNorksBride Thu 21-Aug-08 23:31:29

I'm thrilled to bits that we went ahead and had no. 4 (squeezed in before my 40th). DCs are aged 6, 5, 3 and 12 weeks and the baby hasn't made life anymore difficult. He's fitted in perfectly and I finally feel finished (though he is growing up too quickly)!

Peachy Fri 22-Aug-08 11:11:05

Does feel like that doesn't it Norks? Bas is 19 weeks and had to be weaned early on medical advice, my baby is growing up already! boo-hoo. OTOH he's at that lovely interactive stage now befotre they crawl grin

Ceolas, that's the equation I worked on too.

I don't think stuwellpeter is right about neglect; the older two have been away this week and ds3 has had to be on his own far more; when you're part of a crowd there's alays someone who'll share a book, or a hug. Plus it s happens that 2 of mine have sn f the social type and I think having more sibs has definitely helped with that.

Do expect all te 'are you after a girl?' remarks from prats who don't understand how wonderful a large gang f boys is. We always just said 'We wanted 4 when we married, that's what we're after. A baby.'

Ceolas Fri 22-Aug-08 15:06:58

Well that argument was fine, but if I were to follow it through now with my feelings over having a fifth...

chipmonkey Fri 22-Aug-08 15:30:50

I wanted 6.....

n5rje Fri 22-Aug-08 18:54:03

I had the same dilemma with 3ds 8/6/4 (at the time) and due to my age, 42, running out of time when I read in Good Housekeeping that
42 was the "right" age to have your last baby. DP was quite happy to try and we now have ds4 who is 25 weeks. I know I've been luckily, no pg problems, easy births and healthy babies but IME the 4th fits in quite easily and I say this coming to the end of the school summer holidays which for DPs work reasons I have spent mostly on my own with the boys. I completely agree that children of larger families grow up more independant, more self reliant and more adaptable. I can't tell you whats right for you but I certainly haven't regretted a minute of it (but I still have toddlerdom to come !)

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