What's it really like to have 3 kids?

[Vialarooski]

Hiya,

I'm just asking for some real honest advice. No judgement at all.

We have two beautiful babies, 2yr old and 5months old. We always said we wanted three children (hubby wanted four but agreed on three).
I found the initial transition from 1 child to 2 really hard. The first 3 months just took the life out of me. We are settled now and I absolutely love how it is but it did really put me off having anymore.

Hubby still really wants a third but I'm reluctant - only because I'm worried that I won't cope. A few things I think could make life just so much harder:
The expense
How would I fit 3 in a car?
I can only hold two hands
What state will my body be in after a third?
Will we have anytime as a couple?
Childcare and babysitting
How will my other two feel having another sibling?
How will I split my time?

I do want another, I love the idea of a bigger family, not only in these young years but also when they are older. More of them to look after each other. I just have one other sibling and have always thought I would have liked another just for the times when we've fallen out - there's another sibling to cast an opinion or help square things out. Also, it would be nice for my parents to have more help from another sibling if that makes sense (my brother is useless lol).


So I guess I'm asking those with 3 kids - do you regret it? Is it much harder? What age gaps? What would you do differently? Was the third planned and why?

Such a misconception about 3 kids - everyone feels sorry for the middle child but why?? They are just as loved aren't they? Do they really feel the "middle child syndrome"?

Thanks in advance

[Santaiscovidfree]

4 was much easier than 3....
2-3 was a big change. 3 - 4 def not so much. Team dh on this one op!!

[NoodieRoodie]

0-1 fucking nightmare, 1-2 piece of cake, 2-3 who notices an extra one! I've got just under 2 years between the first 2 then 22 months between 2 and 3 so at one point I had 3 under 4. We always planned 3, or at least I did DH said 2 and that odd numbers were bad, I raised my offer to 4 and we agreed on 3! I think having a smaller age gap helped as at no point was I out of the "baby zone", it did however help that I spent the last couple of months potty training so I only ever had one in daytime nappies.

[muddypuddlejumping]

Following with interest @Vialarooski

DC2 is 12 months and since day 2 I'd thought I wanted another despite being completely and utterly certain I'd stop at 2 DC. A year on and the feelings are still there but so are all the concerns that you've mentioned.

I'm really not sure what we'll do. My heart says why not try but my head definitely says stop at 2 because of the practicalities/ finance constrains.

[LostInMoab]

For me: 0-1 easy; 1-2 emotionally hard (wracked with guilt!) but practically easy; 2-3 emotionally and practically hard BUT 3 has been the worst sleeper by far and my hormones went completely mad postnatally in a way that they didn’t with the others.

I’m so so glad that I have 3 (I want 4 but we are stopping now for reasons I just posted on another thread!) but it has been extremely tough.

[LostInMoab]

And to answer some of your other questions!

Gap of 2-2.5 years each time. All very much planned. Middle child does need me, a lot - he’s still very clingy and ‘mummy’ centred at 4.5. But maybe that’s just his temperament - he was always the sweetest, gentlest, most sensitive little toddler.

Car is fine (lots have 3 Isofix points). Marriage has needed a lot of concerted effort. Being in lockdown has helped a lot!

[jingleballing]

I don't regret it because my third child is my little angel - absolute dream baby, never once had an issue with ANYTHING. Absolute dream. she's also my favourite

And it's still absolutely relentlessly exhausting.

So imagine if she was a difficult baby.

Not trying to put you off or anything ! Just being honest .

[GoodbyeH]

I had 3 kids in 3.5 years. It's loud, busy and exhausting. But like a lot of things it gets easier with time!

[mistermagpie]

I have two boys 20 months apart and then 30 months between the 2nd and 3rd. They are 5, 3 and 1 now.

I found two under two way way way harder than three under five. Three hasn't really made much difference actually. I mean, it's chaos but it kind of was anyway.

People seem to get hung up on the car thing when making this decision and I find that really odd. People deciding whether to create an actual human being, based on whether you might need a bigger car? I don't understand it. But car wise, we have one seven seater, but we had that before the third child and I have a small car. My oldest sits in the front and other two in the back, it's not perfect and I can't take a passenger, but given the lockdown situation I have barely used that car.

My body is probably better now than it has ever been, but I'm quite into fitness and have kept that up.

You don't need to hold all their hands at the same time, the youngest will be in a sling or pram! We did it with the pram and buggy board and my eldest walked, all fine.

My two eldest absolutely adore their sister. The oldest in particular is her biggest fan, but they both worship the ground she walks on. I was worried but they adapted fine.

For me, she was meant to be here. She just was. I'm so glad I have her.

Downsides - laundry, oh the laundry. Plus it is a military operation to get out of the house, but mine are all still five and under and hopefully that will get easier. Things cost more but we get a lot second hand. Meal times are messy and they eat a lot! But that's all. My third child has brought way more than she took away.

[LemonGreen]

My three are 12, 10 and 7. 2 boys and the girl is the youngest.

My eldest and youngest were really difficult babies - awful sleepers, eaters, etc. My daughter also had an illness when she was a toddler that led to a hellish couple of years. So it was rough until my youngest was about 4. I remember feeling totally overwhelmed at times and me and DH definitely had some lows.

That being said, it's been really great ever since! They are a little clan these days and whilst there is a gender difference in terms of toys etc, they all get on pretty well.

DS1 probably did have to get a bit more independent quickly when DD was born (he was 5) but he is at secondary now and flying. My middle son is definitely the odd one out because he is very much his own person. He is a very different personality to the other two but also quietly very confident, quirky and easily the most sociable and popular. He bridges the gap between the other two but not to his detriment (so far!) We are probably guilty of babying DD a bit too much and one benefit of homeschool during lockdown has been seeing how much she can do now and encouraging her independence.

Laundry is hideous. Endless mess! We are so, so busy when everything is full flow and costs are definitely higher - food, clothes, activities etc. We moved to a bigger house. Holidays cost more because we need a 3 bed everything now.

We definitely enjoy being a slightly larger family though

[Namechange600]

I have 3. No regrets and it was meant to be for me- after years of infertility and miscarriages I am truly fortunate to have them. I found 1-2 hardest but we had 2 under 2. We had a bigger gap to no 3 of 3 years 10 months.
We managed to squeeze three car seats into our old car but upgraded to a bigger car eventually.
No 3 was a terrible sleeper and only slept through reliably 3.10 months so I have been very tired for a long time. Also my eldest turned out to have SEN which has been hard too, but I love having a little gang! Love the combinations that they can play in too. Generally they get on well. Best of luck with your decision x

[maybelaterdear]

Wait until they're teenagers....
Mentally very difficult x

[littlemisslozza]

I love having three but I do look back on the early years and think how busy it was!

Things that are different, financially and practically, from two

• car. If all in car seats you may need to change the car. Three equally sized seats across the back rather than two with the bump in the middle. Plenty of cars with that now but it's a potential cost.
• holidays. You have to plan well and often well in advance to get family rooms for 5, or book larger accommodation/apartments/cottsges. Lots of things are for 4 people and the bigger ones sell out.

There's never a dull moment and they eat so much now they are late primary/early secondary ages! Same however many you have though!

[Willow4987]

I’m following this with interest as I could have written the op myself. It’s so hard to make the decision of 2 vs 3

[TheSandman]

I have 3. First two were two years apart then a gap of 5 years before number 3. It was like getting back on a bike after not having ridden one for a few years. It all came back so easily. The only difference was this one had a willy and the first two didn't.

[HappyFlamingo]

For me the third one was the hardest. He was by far the worst sleeper of the three and a very stubborn and determined toddler. He's lovely now, but it's still hard - my three are all really sporty, which is great, but it does mean that (pre covid) DH spend our weekends driving them around to training and matches. Sorry OP.

[autumnboys]

I have three. They’re 17, 15 & 11 now. The first 18mos of my middle’s life are a blur really. I am currently slightly jealous of the friends I made when I had my oldest, who generally also have a 14/15yo and so who are not currently having to work and actively homeschool. I on the other hand have a charming and willing 11yo, who is autistic and dyslexic and needs a lot of support.

0-1 was like a grenade. 1-2 was just a bit of a whirl. 2-3 - no biggie, as the older two were a bit more self sufficient in terms. Three is a lot of work though. A lot. I wouldn’t have it any other way, but of course I’m biased. The fears you have are sensible and some of them would be realised. I feel as though your DH is more in favour than you. You need to be equally enthusiastic about it. Also, your youngest is very young. No rush to decide just yet.

[Africa2go]

0-2 here, then 2-3. 4yr age gap. Now 11 and 15.

Wouldn't change it and Number 3 "completed" our family as cheesy as that sounds, she's gorgeous but 3 is definitely way harder and more expensive. Spreading yourself out more thinly, juggling everyone's needs, just busy with taxi-ing / supporting at hundreds of sporting / school activities etc etc. Needed to extend house / bigger car / more expensive holidays.

The bickering gets to me the most. They get on most of the time but with grumpy (not always) teens / teens, its exhausting.

Just think of it in terms of 1 and 2 with two children. 1, 2 and 3 for three children.

With two children, you have bickering between 1 and 2.

With 3 children, you have bickering between 1 and 2, 1 and 3, 2 and 3, then 1, 2 and 3 when they're all at it. Four times as much bickering. Bring me the wine

[littlemisslozza]

@HappyFlamingo my third was the worst sleeper too! I blame it on my guilt of him having to fit around whatever our older two were doing. He was often napping in the car and not for as long as our eldest would have had undisturbed. It's just how it was but at night time I'd often end up lying down by him at some point during the night, he didn't sleep through until he went to school and I was too tired to attempt to sleep train! DH leaves the house at 5am every day (farmer!) so a lot of it came down to me, it does help if your sleepless nights are shared.

[Icanflyhigh]

I have 3 and would have loved a 4th.
Biggest change was from one to two, but after that it got easier.

[wonderwhatshappening1978]

I'm no earth mother and 3 is brilliant.

Had 3 under 5 too; one autistic.

[wonderwhatshappening1978]

Ps. Mine are now all teenagers. Still brilliant. X

[Cleverpolly3]

I have three and am on my own

Eldest almost 7
Middle almost 5
Youngest just turned 3

They are fucking fabulous but hard work. No middle child syndrome here she is a force of nature and brother on either side worship her!

Still reeling but they most definitely are their own super team and will be there for each other for life I truly believe.

[rooarsome]

@TheSandman

I have 3. First two were two years apart then a gap of 5 years before number 3. It was like getting back on a bike after not having ridden one for a few years. It all came back so easily. The only difference was this one had a willy and the first two didn't.

I had my 3rd in November with the same age gap as yours. I feel like a first time mum again! Hoping it gets easier

[Ginandplatonic]

I have 4 - 2 years between first two then 18 months between 2 and 3, and 3 and 4. The easiest transition for me was from 2 to 3 - it was just a bit more chaos and work, but not substantially different. The car we had still worked, it’s relatively easy to find travel and accommodation options for a family of 5 etc.

You didn’t ask, but going to 4 was the hard one. The pregnancy nearly killed me (I was 43 with 3 under 3), and it was just so much harder and more tiring, even though he was the easiest most laid-back baby. Oldest had started school when he was born and the school run with a 3 year old, 18 month old and newborn was horrendous. Life was just an exhausting blur. Travel is much much harder and much much more expensive. Needed bigger car. Never enough hands.

Don’t get me wrong, I love having 4 and loved the chaos of it all, family feels complete, all of that; but it was hard. They are teenagers now and I still love it, they are great, but sometimes I wonder how I survived the early years!

So bottom line - your concerns are valid, but going from two to three was my easiest transition. I don’t recommend 4 unless you really want them though.