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Wife wants more kids but Husband does not

(2 Posts)
welton79 Sun 17-Nov-19 16:35:14

Hi All,

I wanted ask for advice or just hear your thoughts on this. not sure what I expect to happen but I am hugely conflicted.

We have 3 children currently (a step son who is 15 and 2 kids together (2 and 9 months) my partner and I have discussed many times about having more kids. my partner has expressed a strong desire for more children, or at least 1 more, where as I keep leaning on the side of 'No more Children'.

I am 40 now and I love all my kids dearly...I love the dynamics that we all have, and while we can afford more children and have plenty of space I just don't feel the same as my partner, The current dynamics at home are great, the house is home full of fun, love and time for one another.
Our routines, how we both contribute, we dedicate time to each child without compromising spending time with any others. Playtimes we sing and dance, Meal time, bed time stories, bath time, trips, weekend activities etc, we can do them all with the kids together.

I do worry that I’ll be 60 when they current youngest kids are heading to uni, I worry that with more kids we'll have to sacrifice little Rosies music lesson for little Jims football (made those up) because we cant take 3 kids to 3 places at once.

I want to give my wife and my family everything, but I cant seem to bring myself to want more kids. we are a forever family. Will my wife come to resent me, she says that she wont and doesn’t, and equally doesn’t want to keep bringing it up or put any pressure on me, but I know it’s what she really wants. my wife is incredible with the kids, a wonderful mother and wife.

And while writing this, it occurred to me that maybe I’ll not cope as well as my wife will and that makes me fearful of what kind of father that will make me.

Really keen to hear your thoughts on this, if you experienced the same please share. as I say I'm really conflicted.

saywhatwhatnow Sun 17-Nov-19 16:49:53

Your youngest is still very young. I would probably say that you will discuss it again in 12-18months and see how you both feel then, maybe it will take the pressure off both of you for a while and give you both chance to enjoy your family as it is.

I say this as I was in your wife's shoes and I found it very very hard when my DH was an adamant 'no more, this shop is shut!'. Although you actually just seem a little torn!? DH obviously wasn't actually a 'no' (hence DC2) he just didn't want another at that specific time. If he'd said 'I will seriously think about it in 12 months' I would've been happier/more relaxed about it all.

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