Going out all the time

[Princess752]

How much is too much when it comes to going out? My partner and I have 7 kids. He works very hard, sometimes 6-7 days a week. He has a very physical job. My problem is I'm always sat on my own. So he worked Saturday then came home had dinner, spent an hour in the bath then went to the gym. Sunday he worked came home, spent over an hour in the bath then went to bed. Monday he came home then went to the gym , Tuesday he helped his family out with something, Wednesday he came home for all of 1 min to get changed then met his friends and wasn't back till 11. Yesterday he went to the gym after work and he's bow off to the gym again. Tomorrow he's out at 12 with friends till late I expect and Sunday he's working. I'm so bored sitting at home all the time. I don't work as with all the kids it would be almost impossible and I love being a sahm but I never do anything, ever. Aibu?

[june2007]

Your talking to the wrong people. You should be talking to your OH.

[Princess752]

I have. He said I'm being unreasonable as he works hard so wanted other people's opinions

[pumpkinpie01]

He has to get a balance between work, family life , friends and the gym , probably in that order actually ! Do you ever go things as a family at all ? Or just the 2 of you ? X

[cockingup]

I think your partner should care how you feel, and should consider your own needs and happiness as well as his own. That's the basics of a healthy relationship. He sounds breathtakingly selfish.

[Princess752]

Now and again we go out together for a meal and we do things as a family sometimes but don't get much time of he works 7 days a week. We have had holidays this year and going away again in a couple of weeks but I'm just so sick of sitting at home by myself while he's in and out when ever he wants. Btw I'm not moaning at all about him working

[lovelyjubilly]

Has he not considered the fact that you might work hard too?

[Princess752]

I dont think he thinks i work hard. He says i get time to do the things i want to do when hes at work but when? I jave 7 kids to look after ( well 4 are teenagers) and a house to clean and tidy

[Pipandmum]

He’s a father not just a breadwinner. He needs to know that means more than just putting money in the bank. Tell him on X day you are both going out to dinner (or date night at home - age range of kids? Could the older one look after the younger ones)? You need to reconnect with each other, he needs to see that you work really hard too. He needs the kids to recognise him as their dad.

[Thegullfromhull]

Basically he believes what you do isn’t work , and believes he is the boss.
He has you exactly where he wants you.
How are the finances divided? With seven kids it must be so tough financially. Is there cash for you to take the little ones out during the day etc, or how does it work ?

[Princess752]

Kids are 1, 2, 11, 13, 14, 16 and 18. We do occasionally go out together as the older ones babysit and I did go out a couple of weeks ago for a few hours but that was the first time I've left the house without the kids since my nearly 3 year old was born. But he came home Wednesday and said I'm going out saturday afternoon. Thing is I'm not saying he can never go out but I literally spend my life waiting for him. To get out the bath so I can have one (He is at least an hour) come home from work, gym, out with friends etc. He takes it for granted I'll be in all the time

[Princess752]

I actually have the money so I sort bills, take kids out if we have enough etc. He never questions where the money goes or really spends any so I sort of feel bad as he works all hours and doesn't spend anything but we do get holidays and kids get everything then need

[DocusDiplo]

Sounds like a fun life...

[Princess752]

It use to be fun. I even sit and think sometimes how lucky I am to have my 2 youngest after my older 5 and get to stay at home with them. But when he comes in, has dinner, bath, and we've got the youngest to sleep he's off out to the gym or where ever

[Thegullfromhull]

could you start by carving out one or two scheduled things in the week ?
Eg. Wednesday’s yoga night or whatever.

[SprinkleDash]

I don't work as with all the kids it would be almost impossible and I love being a sahm but I never do anything, ever. Aibu?

I mean, what the hell did you expect with 7 children!!??

[Thegullfromhull]

Well you have seven children so you should be worshipped as the Queen of the family .
If you say you need down time, your partner should move mountains to make it happen.
Especially given that he gets plenty.

[Princess752]

I didn't expect to work. Always been a sahm so I'm lucky

[Thegullfromhull]

You are lucky to be blessed with seven children and lucky to be able to be a sahm.
This doesn’t mean you aren’t entitled to any time being a normal functioning adult. When do you get one on one time with your friends? Not stolen conversations with kids upstairs. Real conversations. Not about kids. About your passions, your hopes, your dreams ?

[twinkledag]

Why did he have 7 children if he's not prepared to help you look after them? 🙄

[7salmonswimming]

Are you saying you want to spend time with him? Time with the family all together? Time with your friends? Time to go to the gym etc? What do you actually want?

[Thegullfromhull]

It makes the men feel all alpha @twinkledag.
Down the gym. On holiday . Down the pub.
All the blokes pat them on the back and make jokes about not having a telly and stuff.
And you can guarantee the wife won’t run off.
‘Peter Peter pumpkin eater, had a wife and couldn’t keep her. Put her in a pumpkin shell, and there he kept her very well’ 🎃

[Thegullfromhull]

Also. You have seven kids, you are completely dependent on him financially and you are not married? Is that right?
Is he self employed in his physical job?

[twinkledag]

@Thegullfromhull and there's my lovely, attentive husband struggling to give me a second, and I have to listen to this sort of crap.