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Panicking about third baby

(25 Posts)
Chaosonthehorizon Wed 02-Oct-19 12:15:56

Now pregnant and panicking that it will ruin beloved children’s lives, stretch us too far, family will be horrified and then that something will go wrong. Not feeling happy and thrilled so now sad about that too.
Please can someone talk me down. Due next June and others will be 5.5 and 3.5 (B,G) Thanks

DulciUke Wed 02-Oct-19 12:17:20

Did your second child destroy your first child's life? Why would a third do so?

Hannahlouise4026 Wed 02-Oct-19 12:34:20

Definitely won’t destroy anyone’s life, and your life is no one else’s business so don’t heed what other family members say about it. I’ve got 5 years between my middle child and youngest and everyone commented on why was I going back to having a baby when my eldest two were at school, already have one of each etc etc etc. I think people just always have an opinion when it comes to children and how many they see as right!

Winchking Wed 02-Oct-19 15:05:16

I've just had my 3rd DC, and it definitely hasn't ruined anything. DC1 is almost 5, DC2 is 3, and they both dote on the little one. I had plenty of comments from others before having number 3 - "but you've already got one of each", "you are mad to be going back to the baby stage", "2 is hard enough..." etc, and I also wondered whether I was tempting bad luck, given our first 2 are healthy and generally great kids... but actually, 3 is brilliant! You know what you're doing with a baby a bit more than the first time, at least, and you know you can't do everything for everyone (not enough hands) so I actually find it a bit more relaxing. I'm sure when LO comes along you'll soon find a rhythm that works for you and your family.

Chaosonthehorizon Wed 02-Oct-19 19:22:17

Thanks ladies so so much. I think some of this is fear and anxiety, are we pushing it with two healthy children etc etc. I hope it settles down a bit as no going back now!

DustyDoorframes Thu 03-Oct-19 08:47:19

I've just had my third (on purpose!). I felt just like you as soon as I got the positive, total panic for a good few weeks. I had another panic at about 37 weeks, but it's all good. She's only 10 days old, but nobody's life is ruined so far. Phew!

Chaosonthehorizon Thu 03-Oct-19 17:01:20

So so glad to hear that DustyDoorFrames!!

lvra Thu 03-Oct-19 19:11:31

@Chaosonthehorizon I am in the same boat! My eldest is 6, youngest is 4 and recently found out I'm pregnant again!! I don't know what it is about a third pregnancy that throws us into panic. I have been feeling exactly the same! So worried it's not the right thing and will unsettle this little family unit we have now. Deep down I know it'll be fine it's just the unknown 😬

Chaosonthehorizon Fri 04-Oct-19 07:36:28

Oh Ivra that is great to hear, so glad it isn’t just me. I start to settle and then every morning feel sick and nervous again. Also terrified about the possibility of twins (none in the family but still).

Lj1990 Sun 06-Oct-19 20:02:35

@Chaosonthehorizon I also just wanted to say I have recently found out I am pregnant with no 3! I have two boys aged 8 and 5 so quite a gap and completely unexpected and I also don't know how I feel about it. I love my life as it is and feel the same way as you do. I am frightened of life with 3 children and how I will cope. I then sometimes feel happy at the thought of it but then this quickly turns to panic again. I am hoping it is just some sort of panic mode I am going through but just wanted to say I feel the same. Sending my love xxx

Chaosonthehorizon Sun 06-Oct-19 20:16:05

Lj1990 congrats but also so nice to know someone else feels like me. How do you family/OH feel?

Lj1990 Sun 06-Oct-19 20:29:00

Thank you but yes I am so glad too. I think I'm just in total shocked / panic mode. My family are not aware yet as I feel I need to come to terms with it myself b4 I get all the judgemental comments e.g. you must be mad etc. My OH is supportive but also the same as me. He worries about more the sleepless nights and "doing it all again" but then I know they don't stay babies for long. How does your family and OH feel??

dottydee3 Mon 07-Oct-19 18:49:43

3rd children are just scrummy. Your older children will dote on them and definitely not have their lives ruined. Your family will get a grip not that it's any of their business anyway.
This is my experience anyway.
Congrats!

Chaosonthehorizon Tue 08-Oct-19 13:56:00

dottydee3 thank you that is lovely to know. Lj1990 OH feels like yours does, the first six months business. I am panicking about schools as we had planned to try and do private secondary and I worry that if we can’t then that is my fault. (Don’t want a debate and I know some state schools are fab but not in the areas we are picking from and appreciate we are lucky to even be contemplating it). Family think we are mad and being a bit head in the sand as it is such early days still. Really wondering if this is a good idea.

AllFourOfThem Tue 08-Oct-19 14:00:36

I found another baby put a massive strain on everything - older two’s needs (especially with school/homework), my patience, finances, relationships, everything.

DustyDoorframes Tue 08-Oct-19 16:43:56

@Chaosonthehorizon the adult I know who has most flown through academia went to an absolute sink school who messed up his uni applications to the point that he had an unplanned year out, and didn't spot his quite severe dislexia. He ended up going to oxbridge, and getting a PhD in record time, and has had a glittering career since. By which I mean- your kids will be fine even if their schooling isn't what you hoped. And LOTS will happen between now and secondary school anyway. It's going to be fine.

Chaosonthehorizon Wed 09-Oct-19 13:02:04

Thanks DustyDoorFrames that is really helpful. Lj1990 how are you feeling?

Aunaturalmama Fri 11-Oct-19 21:25:44

We just got pregnant with our third as well. June 1st 2020 is due date! My kids will be nearly 4 and 2.5 and I am freaking out now too lol! It’s just anxiety. It happened when I had my second too!

Aunaturalmama Fri 11-Oct-19 21:28:30

A lot of my anxiety stems from pregnancy being so hard but in all honesty pregnancy is harder than having a newborn!

MoreCookiesPlease Fri 11-Oct-19 21:33:07

You'll be fine OP. If your marriage is strong and your finances are ok, itll be fine. Don't give a crap to the negativity that other people bring. Your family size is nothing to do with them. And it won't ruin your children's lives. I'm sure that they will love their new sibling!

pasbeaucoupdegendarme Fri 11-Oct-19 21:38:01

Oh OP I was you this time last year! We wanted a third but as soon as I was pg it seemed reckless and silly. I worried about all the things you've mentioned and also felt guilty for not feeling overjoyed about my pregnancy.

I love this baby so much. I can't imagine my life, our lives, without her. It's crazy hard work and relentless but I wouldn't have it any other way. My two older dc (7 and 4) love her to pieces, it's in no way diminished their lives, fa r from it.

lvra Sat 12-Oct-19 07:24:59

I felt the same as you, we have recently had our scan and found out what the baby is any bit of doubt has totally vanished from my mind. I feel so much better about the situation now and I'm excited. I hope the same thing happens for you! Have you had your first scan yet?

Chaosonthehorizon Tue 15-Oct-19 07:56:43

Thanks ladies, got a scan in November. Starting to struggle with morning sickness and getting back into the gestational diabetes groove in case I get it again.

Nukins Wed 16-Oct-19 15:32:37

Thank you.... making me feel better too (having all the above anxieties) first child will be 6 at end of month and 2nd was 2 in July. 3rd due 13/6/20 😬😬

Lou2120 Thu 17-Oct-19 19:48:50

I honestly feel this way too. I'm 21 weeks now and panicking about having a baby in the house and sleep training again my others are 9 and 5 I feel so scared this time about doing it all again. Maybe it's because we know it can be hard at times.

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