Tell me all the good things about having a 3rd

(43 Posts)
CupCupGoose Tue 20-Aug-19 13:31:39

I've name changed.

I'll start with the background. I'm 29 this year, married 3 years but together 10. We have two dc 6 and almost 8. I'm pregnant with our 3rd. I developed pcos after my second baby and even though we tried for a 3rd baby, in 3 years I didn't get pregnant. We decided 2 was enough and although I was sad I wouldn't get my 3rd, I came terms with that decision.

We had unprotected sex once and guess what... Pregnant. Of course I know it happens and it was 100% our stupid mistake but I just can't believe it happened after all of those years of nothing due to pcos.

I'm terrified. I'm 14 weeks now and I just can't stop thinking about all the negatives. My DC are becoming independent now and as we had them so young, at 40, I would have had a 20 and 18 year old. I'm not unhappy about this baby. I'm looking forward to it, but I'm just so scared. I never felt like this with my other two.

Can everyone share their stories of how their 3rd was the best thing for their family please?

OP’s posts: |
lvra Tue 20-Aug-19 19:20:53

I don't have any advice, but I'm in exactly the same position as you! Apart from I'm only 8 weeks and I just don't know how I feel about it.

My first two pregnancies felt so much more natural, but with this one I have so many doubts and questions I can't answer!

How does your husband feel about the pregnancy? Is he supportive?

I'm definitely going to be following your post! X

CupCupGoose Tue 20-Aug-19 20:26:56

To be honest, he wanted me to have an abortion when we first found out but now he's fine with it. I think he would still rather it wasn't happening though if you know what I mean? He is being supportive though. I think he probably feels the same as I do.

Do you have a DP/H? How are they feeling about your pregnancy? How old are your other DC?

I'm so worried about the much bigger age gap!

OP’s posts: |
lvra Tue 20-Aug-19 21:14:26

My husband is the same! He wanted me to have an abortion, he still doesn't like to speak about the pregnancy. I'm hoping in time he will come around.

I'm 26, I have a 6 and a 4 year old who is due to start school in September. So I'm the same as you, by the time I'm 40 our children will be 20 and 18!

I had spoke about a third child a couple of years ago but we were happy with the 2. We only have a three bedroom house to so we always thought having a third would be tight.

Part of me is secretly excited I think but I'm just so nervous and worried. None of our family know yet and I think they will be shocked!

I feel really confused about it all I think 😩 I'm an over thinker at the best of times!

CupCupGoose Tue 20-Aug-19 21:25:45

How weird that we have such similar circumstances! We only have a two bedroomed house so definitely need to move. We were planning on moving anyway but I'd been promising the kids their own rooms and now one will have to share again and I feel so guilty!

Its weird because some days I'm genuinely excited and can't wait for the baby to be here but other days I just wish it wasn't happening. I don't want to mess up the dynamics of the family.

OP’s posts: |
CupCupGoose Tue 20-Aug-19 21:28:44

Our families were shocked but happy. Telling them actually helped as their excitement made us feel a bit better. Are you worried about telling your families?

OP’s posts: |
lvra Tue 20-Aug-19 21:31:34

That's exactly the same as me! Occasionally I'm excited but I do really worry. I don't want it to upset our marriage. We are a happy little family of four and I don't want to ruin it, also our children are so so close and I don't want to ruin that for them either.

I don't know if it's normal to feel like this going from a family of 4 to 5 😩

Herocomplex Tue 20-Aug-19 21:33:10

Not the same, I only wanted one child, my DH really wanted two, so we went for it and had twins!
I was really worried at the time, but now I’m so very glad I had three children. Good luck!

lvra Tue 20-Aug-19 21:33:38

I am worried about telling our families, just because I don't think they would understand why we would to add another baby to the family as the majority of my family only have 2 children.

Marmalizes Tue 20-Aug-19 21:42:48

Congratulations, I was only saying to my sister yesterday how wonderful it was having a third baby. I was super confident, I understood how fast babyhood would be over, so really took the time to enjoy my third. His siblings were so excited and were very protective and loving. Like some of you the pregnancy was unplanned and I was anxious. I just wish I’d known how great it was going to turn out. So please don’t waste time worrying and think positive you’ll have lovely lovely babies. I’m jealous my baby’s 36, super confident well rounded individual because he was so loved

ConstanzaAndSalieri Tue 20-Aug-19 21:52:24

I had a surprise third last year, unexpected as the first two took a long time to conceive. My third has been my easiest baby, I’m so much more confident in what I’m doing, the older siblings love it. Although I had serious regrets and wtf moments in the early weeks, the third has completed our family.

The washing is crazy though.

CupCupGoose Wed 21-Aug-19 09:36:01

@Ivra I know exactly what you mean. Going from 2 to 3 seems like such a big step whereas 1 to 2 didn't. Especially as we both have a small age gap between the first 2. My two are close too. They do argue but they do everything together and are into the same things. We are at the stage where we can go to the cinema and all want to watch the same film for example.

I need to stop focusing on the negatives!

OP’s posts: |
CupCupGoose Wed 21-Aug-19 09:38:35

@Herocomplex wow twins must have been such a shock! I actually had a dream the night before I found out I was pregnant that I was pregnant with twins. It was one of those really vivid dreams where you wake up and think it's real for a second or two! I was relieved when I had my first scan and there was only one. I'm glad it worked out for you though.

OP’s posts: |
CupCupGoose Wed 21-Aug-19 09:40:02

Thank you for sharing your positive 3rd baby stories. It's happening and there's nothing I can do about it so I need to start focusing on the positives and let myself get excited.

OP’s posts: |
Sux2buthen Wed 21-Aug-19 09:43:54

I was nervous but our third has only added joy. She's five months now and is adored by her siblings (4 and 2)
The first month was intense but that was mostly due to c section recovery and cluster feeding but slowly and surely the days got easier and now we are all a team. I wouldn't change it and have absolutely no regrets.
It helps that after my second who is an absolute ball of crazy, our third is chilled out and easy going. For now anyway!
Mastering doing out and having times to get to places scared me at first and I was a sweaty mess loading the buggy and kids but now we all have a routine it's not bad.
Some days are easy.
Some days are hard, it's true of one kid or ten though.
There was a little jealousy from our middle child but it went quickly.
Congratulations and very good luck thanks

Ligresa Wed 21-Aug-19 09:45:39

Having a third child is lovely

Having a partner who has unprotected sex then demands an abortion - not fine

Elisheva Wed 21-Aug-19 09:52:17

Having three is lovely, it’s an extra level of crazy that makes our home so exciting and fun. It’s the summer holidays now and I love it. There’s always someone wandering past doing something interesting, lots of cuddles.
I love watching the three interact, they are 12, 9 and 5, and all have different relationships. It is busy and noisy and chaotic at times, but no regrets!

lvra Wed 21-Aug-19 10:56:42

It's so reassuring reading other people's experiences!

AyeToIndy Wed 28-Aug-19 21:42:07

Depending on the age gap having a third can mean having an extra pair of hands to help, older siblings are great for fetching, carrying, bribing to entertain the baby for 5 mins while you pee (like actually pee alone, in silence!).

We have 7 between us and each extra one makes it a little easier and brings more fun. Admittedly we would probably have been financially better off with 4 and paying for a nanny grin

Milkstick Wed 28-Aug-19 21:50:53

Hey OP, just wanted to say that as a big sis to 3 siblings, the last of whom was a bonus baby 11 years younger than me, we loved the age gap. We found that it gave us all a joint focus, doing our bit and just having fun with him, and he unified us (blended family, he shared one parent with all of us, but also, it was just really lovely having him there). All adults now, I moved cities as an adult and now he lives here too. When we all get together it's mega fun. My OH has one sibling and I can't imagine only having one. We're all really different.

OddshoesOddsocks Wed 28-Aug-19 21:57:30

I’m freshly pregnant with number 3! 5 weeks and weirdly much more confident and excited about this one than I was with the other 2. No idea why as space and finances will be stretched more than I’d think possible but this time it feels so natural.

Mine are 8 and 4 so quite big gaps which I love because it means the big ones can go off to school and I can focus on baby/recovery/getting a wash on. I don’t know how people have more than 1 pre-school child at once, absolute superheroes in my book!

I’ve not told parents yet, going to wait til after the scan and no idea what the reactions will be!

RedSoloCup Sat 31-Aug-19 22:44:56

I was the same, no 3 was semi planned but I fell quickly and then was scared which never happened with the others.

She is 8 now (others 12 and 13) and although it's certainly not made life easier I definitely wouldn't change it for the world.

All part of life's rich tapestry

georgemike01683 Sun 01-Sep-19 17:42:16

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OddshoesOddsocks Mon 02-Sep-19 22:14:09

Ah that’s nice @georgemike01683! I don’t know really, you’ve had 2 at home together before so only you know how you coped with it! I only had to do it for 6 weeks as dd2 was born at the start of the summer holidays before dd1 started school!
If you’ve done it before then I bet you can do it again but if you’d rather wait and try it a different way then you could. Personally I don’t have the mental capacity! 😂

georgemike01683 Tue 03-Sep-19 05:53:02

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